Stertravel

THE BEST BLOG EVER.

2011-10-29T14:22:00.002-04:00

This is the best story ever. So get comfy, put on slippers, get a cocktail and a snack and cuddle up with it -- here we go.

First, a recap of what has been going on:

Three weeks ago, the folks at NIH told me that the larger tumor in my pelvis (one of two) had grown. Although it hadn't grown so much that they had to kick me out of the study, it would soon and I should probably get on with the business of finding my next treatment. The tumor had grown to 6.6 cm according to the CT scan and manual exam. We have been tracking this tumor, along with various little one scattered in my abdomen, for over a year. At its smallest, it was 5.4 cm last December.

So I left NIH, and fretted terribly. Lost sleep, had visions of cancer gaining on me in a footrace around a high school type track. I could feel its breath on my neck. Then, I had to tell everyone that cared about me what was going on. As you know, that was really difficult.

So I made appointments at both MCV and UVA to consult about my next course of treatment. I also tried to talk to a doctor at Sloan/Kettering, but he would not call me back. The first meetin was with Dr. B at MCV. She flew into the room and told me that I was doing great. Really? I thought I was here because I was NOT doing great. But I would take all the positive energy I could get and smiled at the bizarre idea that I was, indeed, doing great. She stated that she liked the idea of removing the tumor and treating me with a taxane drug since I had never had a taxane (a kind of chemo drug) before. Getting a taxane is the standard of care, and Dr. B has always been shocked that I did not receive it the first time around. She did not want to recommend any treatment that was maintenance. Instead, she wanted to shoot again for a cure. Really? Cure? I love that word, but I have been very leery of believing that it was possible for me. I view this disease as a chronic condition that I manage every day and will manage for my entire life. But I could not help but be cheered by the glimmer of an idea that I could be NED ("no evidence of disease"), the holy grail of ovarian cancer. It would be a tough road: surgery and very toxic, hair-removing chemo, but I have never shied from the hard road. Mentally, I started to don battle gear. I envision myself wearing armor and carrying a Xena sized sword. OK cancer, it's on.

Dr. B then did an examination of me and said, "I don't feel any tumor at all. Perhaps those folks at NIH have confused your cervix with tumor." She wanted to order a PET scan to see if I had any metabolic activity that would indicate "hot" cancer. Sure, I said - let's take another look. That was scheduled for Oct. 25.

The next day, I met with Dr. T at UVA. He examined me and said, "I feel the tumor, but I don't think that it is 6 cm, it feels more like 3.5 cm." In doing so, he stated that perhaps it would be wise to remove it, and then treat me with a taxane. Hmmmm, that sounds familiar. He stated that he wanted an MRI and a PET to get a better sense of what was going on inside. I told him the PET was taken care of and we scheduled a MRI in three days. Dr. T was heading out of town and would not be back until Oct. 25. The day after he returned, he planned to take my case to UVA's tumor board. A tumor board is a group of cancer doctors from different disciplines that get together weekly to discuss cases and get each others opinions about what to do.

Then I waited for Oct. 25, the PET and the return of Dr. T to get MRI results. I mentally prepare myself for surgery and icky chemo. Will it mess up the holidays? Probably.

Oct 25 arrived -- coincidentally my birthday. I laid around in the big tube for a PET scan - uneventful. Then, I waited around at MCV to get a disk-copy of the PET in case UVA wanted it before tumor board. I called UVA, and an assistant told me not to worry about the disk. I ask them to send my MRI results, and they emailed them promptly. I sat in my car and read the report. It said:

"No evidence of pelvic mass."

WHAT?????

Not possible - NIH showed that mass to me on the CT. They have been feeling it for over a year. What gives?
I read it one hundred times. It said the same thing. I sent it to Kyle. He said that he could not even understand it. I got home, and Dr. T had called and said that he had reviewed the MRI result and it was fantastic. OMG OMG OMG OMG. He believed this report. Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to me. I didn't know what this meant, but it could not be bad.

The next morning, I talked to Dr. T. He said that the MRI pix were perfect. So clear that they are undeniable. There is no pelvic mass. I dare not believe this. He says that we will know more after we get the PET results to see if there is any indication of metabolic activity in that area or in any area. So on Wednesday, I check my email every two minutes all day long. I had to leave a conference and plug the phone into the car during lunch to maintain charge because I was obsessively punching the email button.

Finally, it came through mid-afternoon. I raced to the hallway and opened the document. Heart pounding, practically panting:

"No definite evidence of metastatic disease."

Photocredit: Pixomar

I dare not believe this. This seems impossible. It is impossible, isn't it? I was checked and rechecked. I was jettisoned from NIH because I had a racquetball sized tumor that was growing. The world is upside down. I am spinning, spinning, tilting.

The report says that there was some radiotracer uptake (indication of metabolic activity) on the little spots on the liver (previously biopsied as cancer), but it could not be differentiated from the regular liver uptake. The liver is apparently quite busy (no smartypants comments, please). So it is not determined that I currently have cancer at all.

OMG OMG OMG OMG.

I talk to Dr. T. He is a believer. He congratulates me on the most fantastic news. I am still reeling. I call everyone, and ironically, I can't reach anyone. Not Kyle, not Mom, not my brother, best friends, nobody. I sit on my news, alone. Ohhhhh, I want to share it. I leave my conference. Understandably, I cannot concentrate. I drive home and wait for the phone to ring. And it does, and over and over again, I get to tell everyone that I am apparently NED, perhaps even in remission. I stutter when I say that word-- it does not seem real.

Dr. T says that he will call Dr. K at NIH and consult with her about next steps. I would love to see the look on her face when she finds out that I apparently have NO TUMOR. They were wrong, and wrong for a good while. (We now think they were feeling my bowel which may have had tumor on it). He will ask NIH if it is possible to get back into the PARP trial. He also asked me if I would do a biopsy of the spots on the liver to get more info on whether they are "hot" or asleep or dead or whatever is "not hot." I say sure and wait for them to schedule it for the next day, Friday. This is because the folks in tumor board had no consensus on what to do with me -- some docs wanted to open me up to see what was going on. Others thought doing nothing until there was proof of cancer was the right route. Dr. T wants more info. I do too.

Friday morning, Dr. T calls me. They cannot squeeze me into the surgery schedule. We will have to do it next week -- we schedule for Thursday. Cool.

Friday afternoon, I get my first call from NIH. They say that the review board has approved my re-entry into the PARP trial. This is very unusual. I want to wait until after the biopsy. They say no, my re-entry must occur by Wednesday.

Nuts. I tell them that I will let them know on Monday.

In sum, Dr. T and Dr. B both say that I should be back in that trial no matter what the biopsy says. I had a fantastic response and I should continue that treatment for as long as I can.

So, I will contact them and get back in to the trial. And I will cancel the biopsy because there is no point in undergoing a surgical procedure if it does not matter to my decision. Why add any risk? Why incur the expense for me or my insurance company?

So, I am better than I ever dreamed of being. I feel like this birthday gift was a one in a billion stroke of good luck.

Photo by Grant Cochrane

I have, of course, learned a few things.

1. You NEVER know what is going to happen. Anything is possible - good and bad. There is always hope, and wonderful things can happen even when things appear the most dire.

2. The medical profession knows a lot about the human body, but there is also a whole lot that they do not know. Even when they seem sure, they cannot be sure, because there are mysteries that even they do not understand. So get a second opinion on all diagnostics.

3. Do all you can to be healthy, you might just need all that good health for a big fight or a long life.

I have loved writing this blog entry. I cannot wait to hit the publish button and spread the hopeful news. Thanks for journeying with me.

Catching Up - Health news at end

2011-10-04T09:15:00.000-04:00

Well Gang. I have been very slack with my personal blog, although I hope that you have enjoyed all the blogging and info at CancerDancer and our facebook page. I try to post lots of interesting and helpful things there.

When we left off we were in Spain: I will blaze through the rest of the trip for you:
Seville: Fabulous, tiny streets, city squares filled with orange trees (oh the smell!), flamenco, fireworks, third largest Cathedral in the world -- containing C. Columbus's tomb, great food, beautiful architecture, nice people. Wonderful place. Visit here.

Grenada: Only thing that we found here to really like was the Alhambra. Tremendous place with the history of Spain just overlaid on top of each structure as the area passes from the Moors to the Spaniards and back again. Ooh, the woodwork, ooh the tile, ooh the gardens. Just magnificent. The rest of the town didn't offer much though so we wish we had only stayed one day instead of two. I did enjoy lazing by the pool of the hotel with the snow capped Sierra Madres in the background.

Valencia: Wow. A city to explore. Needed more time here. Stayed on the beach -- wide friendly and not overly commercialized. Sits next to a port just renovated. Beautiful sails and yachts, parked awaiting upcoming regatta. Mod bars and restaurants adorn the huge pier. Cool place.
The city itself is horseshoe lined with a park, so you are never far from one. Too far to casually walk the whole thing. And each section is different -- skateboard park, next to an Italian Garden, next to a jet plane sized Gulliver for the kids to play on. Love the Spaniards. The architecture in Valencia is a wonder and one walks about gape-mouthed. The Cathedral is lovely. There are also edgier parts of town selling arab and Moroccan trinkets and food. It felt nice to be in a neighborhood with a different character. This town would be a great place to take kids to Europe.

On to a little gay friendly beach town called Sitges. Drag shows at dinner in the shadow of the town Church. Great juxtaposition. Terrific Beach. Best Paella ever. Fun open minded spot.

We circumvented Barcelona for the moment to see the Dali museum he created in Figueres. Figueres is a dump but the museum is Alice-in-Wonderland-cool. You can put change in some of his art to make it move. When do you do that in a museum?

Then onward to Dali's hometown, the fishing village of Cadaques. Picturesque underestimates this place, after driving switchbacks up stunning mountain to drop into charming village with little boat just bobbing in the cove. If a view like that doesn't calm you, you have big troubles. During our two days here, we toured Dali's home of 40 years where he produced 90% of his work. Art history just vibrated (melted?) there. Love Love Loved it. Great place. Pulled Kyle away from Cadaques kicking and screaming.

Lastly, Barcelona. One of the greatest cities on Earth as far as I am concerned. Funky, beautiful, interesting, good food, good drinks, great shopping, a beach, architecture!, overwhelming sense of being alive just being there. A place I would happily live. And did I mention the shopping.

Okay, sorry for the abbreviated run down. I will try to add some pix soon.

The rest of the summer was spent at the beach, working on CancerDancer, and visiting NIH, NC, Harper's Ferry, WV, and NYC. All great fun.

On to the health report:

Over the last few weeks, I have had tiny little phantom pains running around my torso, and an increased need to pee. I feel like an aging male comic. So I was quite apprehensive when I went to NIH yesterday to get my scan. And my apprehensions proved correct. My "big" tumor is growing. The little ones have shown no change. It is growing slowly, thank goodness, but I need to find a new way to treat it. The docs at NIH have a trial they want me in, but I am researching all kinds of possibilities. I hope to know what I am doing within a couple of weeks.

I am sad, of course, and stressed, but I have my battle gear back on and am far away from backing down. I am a tough broad and I have a lot of fight in me.

I don't need any kind of particular help right now, and in fact, I feel absolutely fine, but I appreciate your prayers and wishes and I will keep you updated as things happen.

Love, all.

e.

On to Cadiz

2011-05-25T11:00:00.000-04:00

Cadiz is a little town on the Southern coast of Spain, seven driving hours south of Madrid. We picked up our rental car, an Opel Corso, which I will refer to as the Curso, for reasons that will become obvious as time goes by. Despite generalized exhaustion due to loud Germans and the elevator, we were geared up for the freedom of the open road.

Driving in Spain is a delight. We never saw a pothole, saw only one police officer giving a ticket and could stop at a well marked rest area every few kilometers. Everything is well signed and the roads even have markings to show you your following distance. How smart! The medians were covered with blooming hedges. Totally beautiful. You do pay for the privilege of driving on these fabulous roads, however...every once in a while you encounter a toll which can be as much as 25 dollars. People drive various speeds but they know to pull right for faster traffic and to leave proper following distances. What does their Driver's Ed teach that ours omits? The left lane is for passing folks! There was not one second of congestion outside of major cities.

I know that Spain is having some terrible financial problems, but it seems to me that they have spent much of their money on infrastructure. In addition to the perfect roads, we saw high speed rail, wind farms, solar farms, bike lanes, and redeveloped beachfronts and ports. I hope this holds Spain in good stead as they work their way forward. It also causes me to worry about my country which is still working on these things.

But I digress, we arrived in Cadiz late afternoon, and after negotiating a main street without left turns, found our hotel, the Hotel Monteputierra. It is one block off the beach and a very short walk into the old town. The hotel is funny, in that it looks straight out of the 1980s; there is a radio built into the wall next to the bed, and the restaurant looks like a cafeteria of my youth with vinyl booths, studded wooden chairs, bright lighting, and a long coffee counter which they use as a bar as well. It is blessedly quiet though, and that is terribly exciting for us.

After a drink watching the sunset (lovely) we found yet another Spanish restaurant and ate, well, the same old stuff. The service was lousy. I do appreciate the tipping economy here in the US. Service is generally better when bulk of the server's income comes directly from customer tips.

The next day we walked the old town. Cadiz is the oldest know settlement in Spain as it is was settled by those crossing the Strait of Gibraltar, and it changed hands many times since, as has much of Spain. The old town is a peninsula, so it is lovely to walk because you get a glimpse of the sea every few minutes as you walk. The cathedral has a lovely gold dome that glints against the background of the ocean. Wow. Parks ring the edge, and they are filled with manicured gardens, tiled benches and artful fountains. At one point, there is a public beach teeming with locals watching their kids brave the chilly water.

The highlight of Cadiz for me was a tower that contained a camera oscura. A camera oscura is like a big periscope on the top of a tall building that allows you to see your surroundings from inside a darkened room. Totally cool. We ascended about 5 solid flights of stairs to enter a darkened room. In the center was a huge concave bowl. About 15 people could stand around it. The guide pulled a lever and the town of Cadiz appeared in the bowl. She could move the bowl up and down to focus on things near and far. The view was amazing and she gave us a tour of the entire town from each direction. I felt like Galileo using the smart technology of the time. If you ever are in a city with a camera oscura, don't miss it.

That night we found a local seafood restaurant called La Despensa and ate like kings. Delish. The owners must have been the staff because they were amazingly attentive. We also had a lovely view of the sea.

Tomorrow we wake up and head for what some would call the heart of Andelucia, Seville.

Hola from Spain

2011-05-18T05:23:00.001-04:00

And now back to your travel blog...hopefully very little medical news and lots of travel stuff. Went to NIH on Monday, everything is stable, numbers were a little low but that was normal. Then jumped on a plane and flew straight to Madrid.

We arrived in Madrid with no real problems. It took us a few minutes to figure out which bus to use to get to town, and a few more minutes to navigate the streets, the completely vertical streets, with our luggage. But we arrived only mildly frustrated to our hotel, the Hotel Miau on Santa Ana square. We could not have asked for a better location. The square itself is wide, full of tables from various restaurants, beautiful, and excellent for relaxing and people viewing. The three big museums are an easy walk as well as the amazing park and a big shopping district. Kyle did a great job of picking the right neighborhood in Madrid.

Our hotel room has two floor to ceiling balconies that are constant reminders that WE ARE IN SPAIN. After a snack in the square, we headed to the Thysson Museum. This family has be collecting remarkable and sometimes priceless artworks for generations. There was wondrous art there, but we were starting to flag since we were still up after 24 hours or so. Quick nap, then out for dinner. Unfortunately, we ended up in a tourist trap restaurant drinking good wine and bad paella.

The wine in Spain is generally great and cheap. We are particularly enjoying the wine from the ribeira de duero region. Another great thing about Spain is that when you order a drink, you are always brought a little snack, even if it is just potato chips. Often it is olives, and here the olives are magnificent. Madrid is a late town and we have adjusted our eating schedule as well. Breakfast is at 10 to 11, lunch 3 to 4 and dinner is around 10. Talk about messing with one's body clock.

We dragged ourselves back to the hotel where we discovered the world's thinnest walls. We could hear the Germans next door blink (and sneeze, and roll over, and bellow). Plus the elevator made a pinging sound every time that it was called. Sleeping was very tough. Time to find earplugs.

Day 2. We woke up bright and early.....at 10:30. I haven't slept that late in ages. After a quick breakfast we headed to the Museo de Sofia Reina, the museum of modern art in Madrid. What a terrific place. It began in a converted hospital and was brilliantly expanded by a huge glass wing. We gallantly pored over exhibition after exhibition, enjoying the Dalis, Miros, Picassos and so much more. We ran out of gas before we ran out of museum. I do not currently have a good way of uploading pictures, but I cannot wait to show them to you.

Now it is time for our 4 o'clock lunch. So, let's talk about food in Spain for a minute. Many of the menus are just the same. You can walk around the square and compare food from a dozen restaurants and find only minor differences. Regrettably, much of the food is meat -- an amazing amount of pork, and a goodly amount of what is left is fried. A vegetarian would have a terrible time eating here. I have ordered potatoes and it was clear that they were fried in lard. I have also seen vegetable sections of the menu include meat in the offerings. The section just indicates that there is a vegetable involved somehow. There is lots of white asparagus and tomatoes - other veggies are scarce. I got tired of " Spanish food" almost immediately. A carnivore would have been delighted, I'm sure. I was drowning in fried calimari. Surprisingly, also the food is not spiced much. The Spanish cuisine that we have encountered so far relies on the intrinsic properties of the ingredients (read pork) as opposed to sauces or spicing. Is there a Chinatown here?

Onward toward the palace, although we did not go in, the structure itself was awe inspiring. When wealthy rulers want grand digs, they get it. There is a square next to the palace called the plaza orient. Perhaps the most beautiful square I have ever seen. Perfectly manicured with roses and dozens of other blooming flowers, statuesque trees, and ringed with cafes full of people clearly enjoying the moment -- the beauty.

Dinner in a fun bar, fried food of couse.

Day 3. I went for a great run through the streets of Madrid and felt energized. On to the Prado! We always get the audio guides in museums, and they help me learn a lot. The Prado is filled with one astonishing work after the next by more artists than I can name including Velasquez, Goya, el Greco, and any one else who painted the Madonna and child. It was fascinating to watch a singular subject be treated in so many ways as different styles and schools became prominent. We left the Prado without even attempting to see it all, and headed through the Parque de Buen Retiro.

This is a stunning park. We only covered a portion of it although we were there for a few hours. In the center is a lake with rowboats to rent, and madrileanos were enjoying their majestic city. Add a rose garden, fountains, nature paths, soccer fields, streams, and statues and you get the idea. We ate lunch in a strange little restaurant that leaned veggie. It was decorated in a country style, lots of gingham, wood-cut farm animals, pantry furniture, and M.C. Escher. That's right, Escher. Wacky and fun.

Madrid is such an alive and majestic place. It feels "buzzier" than New York. Perhaps because people are closer to the ground, and thus closer to each other. Every building view reeks of history, of artistry, of beauty. Perhaps there is a difference in pacing as New York seems to be about work and then what happens after work...Madrid feels like living first and maybe working second. I realize that I saw it from a tourist's eyes, but Europe is different from the New World, no?

That night we headed to a neighborhood called La Latina for tapas. This is a slightly edgier neighborhood renowned for tapa. Many tapa bars do not have seats, you nosh standing up. Many of these bars show their tapa around the bar and you can see and point to your snack as you loiter. We had a fine time grabbing little snacks and upending wonderful wine. What a great neighborhood for a pub crawl! Back to the hotel with great hopes for some sleep.

Tomorrow we pick up our rental car and head south for the coastal town of Cadiz. So long beautiful, busy, alive Madrid.

Hey all, it has been a while.

2011-04-26T08:37:00.000-04:00

Well gang, let me get you up to speed. I finished chemo about five weeks ago. I had the usual 7-10 days of feeling gross and whining about it, but just kept telling myself: "it's the last one; it's the last one." I started feeling better right afterwards, and I mean really better. I work out for the next 13 of 14 days including the 10k -- slowly. I started eating right and have lost 7-9 pounds. Life was great and getting better.

I went back to NIH two weeks ago to start the everyday PARP regimen. I figure no big deal, right? I have been taking the stuff since September and have been largely okay. The nurse told me that women can feel fatigue, nausea and heartburn. I assume that it will be small potatoes after what I have been through....I giggled my way out of there.

So, I start taking the daily PARP - 4 a.m. and 4 p.m (no food from 2 to 6 every day now) and I am punished for my cavalier attitude because I got really sick. I felt weak and nauseous enough to vomit not once but twice. So I complained and they gave me another prescription for nausea. Since this was refilled at CVS, I got the long explanation of the drug and its side effects. One possible side effect is tardive dyskinesia which MAY OR MAY NOT end upon discontinuation of the drug. Tardive dyskinesia is a condition that causes one to twitch, like Parkinson's, often in the face. This drug is not just an anti-nauseal, but an antipsychotic. So, I took a few when I was feeling really bad. Then I started to feel worse. Much worse. I started shaking in my own skin. I could not sit still - I have never been so restless. Sit down, stand up, sit again but with the pillows a different way, lay on the floor, then run downstairs, open the front door and go back upstairs to try laying on the floor again. And I felt like I could not stop it....it was absolutely awful and lasted for a few days. I checked the other anti-nauseal that I had been taking sporadically -- same family of drugs. So no more of these for me. I would rather be regular old-fashioned sick, thanks.

I have gained a newfound appreciation for the idea that we are just the chemicals that comprise us. I became a completely different person after taking one pill, poof, just like that. I also have a greater compassion for folks with mental health problems that might feel this way all the time or feel this way as a result of their meds. My heart just aches for a person caught feeling like that all or much of the time.

On the up side, the nausea has subsided and I flew to NY to visit my brother and his family this past weekend. We had a blast including a great trip to the Bronx Zoo. The kids now refer to it as "my zoo." Sold! I have been running and feeling a lot better about being somewhat in control of my body as opposed to being subjugated by it.

Additionally, I got some good news in the mail last week. First, CancerDancer received it 501(c)(3) status. So feel free to make a donation anytime you like on the website (www.cancer-dancer.org). And also, Social Security approved my full disability. This was shockingly fast. I almost wanted them to fight me a little on it -- Damn, I must be really sick. Those benefits don't begin for a while but I am pleased to get them.

This week I am getting ready for three weeks in Spain. I cannot wait and hope to be updating this blog with more travel news than cancer news.

Thanks for your patience with me, and if you have not checked out CancerDancer please do so and be sure to friend us on facebook, https://www.facebook.com/pages/CancerDancer/107374305999842?ref=ts

After long delay

2011-03-22T08:18:00.000-04:00

Hello Gang:

Please forgive me for not writing sooner, but frankly, I have tried to keep you all posted instantaneously on facebook.

Since my treatment was delayed last cycle, Kyle and I were able to travel for his spring break week and spent a glorious week there. Forget Key West, if I move it to PR. More stuff, more things to do, more people, get to speak a little spanish, and hey, SEE A WHALE. That's right, we went on a little snorkeling trip and spent an hour with one then two humpbacks. Darned miraculous. Never stopped being flabbergasted and that includes right now.

Old town San Juan is a beautiful 500 year old city with narrow, picturesque streets, lots of shopping eating and drinking. The is guarded by remarkable forts that were active as recently as WWII.

We can't wait to go back and see the places that we could not get to.

Came home, headed back to NIH on Monday the 14th for my last chemo. No go, low platelets. So I hung out till tuesday and same deal, so I trudged home.

Went back up on Thursday and GOT MY LAST CHEMO ON FRIDAY. That's right folks. The last on for as long as I am in this study. Hopefully a good long while because my body is really tired of the assaults. I am feeling a little puny this week. But that is totally normal.

am looking forward to the 10K next week. It will be like the start to the next and hopefully healthier part of my life. Speaking of which, CancerDancer is offering running shirts and Tshirts for the 10K or anything else. The woman's tank looks like this:

Men's t shirts are crew (s-3xxx). Women's are V-neck (xs-2xx). They are $20 and I am ordering them Wednesday, March 23 by 3:00. To order please go to the CancerDancer facebook page and send me a message or directly at estherwindmueller@gmail.com

Tell me which gender, which shirt, what size and how many. We will look terrific. Please also friend us on facebook and share the interesting things we post there. This is the real TeamSter.

Hope all of you are well and that I will get to see you soon.

Seven down. ONE TO GO!!!

2011-02-23T10:08:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a somewhat sluggish but uneventful day at NIH. Bloodwork, check, wait around for a long time, check, get chemo and lots of other drugs, check. Then went across the hall to visit my friend Martha who was coincidentally getting a biopsy for a lung mass that might signal a recurrence of her her cancer, soft tissue sarcoma. I will not tell you Martha's amazing story here -- it is her story to tell, should she choose to, but the odds of two very close friends getting cancer at a young age, choosing to get treated at NIH and ending up on the same day on the same floor there is well, a little stunning. I wish it weren't so. But having said that, it is pretty fun to have another friend up there. I hope it does not last.

I feel good today, but expect to slog through the weekend. But, with the help of Kyle, my family and all of you, I will make it just fine. And just in time to jump on a plane for an impromptu trip to Puerto Rico. Yippee.

I blogged today on cancerdancer about ovarian cancer awareness in Australia. We need to jump, shout, and speak out. If they can do this, we can do better. White house Teal in October (a nice birthday present for me). Hugs all.

Time to do a little catching up.

2011-02-14T13:53:00.000-05:00

After my last treatment, I felt lousy for about a week. This was a shorter time frame then treatment number 5, so I was grateful for that. Unfortunately, one of those days, I experienced my first real bout with fatigue. I had slept for about 9 hours, woke up and spent the rest of the day falling asleep on the couch. It was really amazing -- I was winded walking up the stairs in my house. Then viola, next day felt fine. What a weird thing. It is like the roulette wheel of health. I have had two weeks of feeling great, and that has been wonderful.

So this morning, I woke up very early and walked to NIH as the sun was rising. I watched the staff of NIH stream in under the pink ribboned sky and I imagined that I was staff instead of a patient, heading to work to cure cancer. For a few minutes, I was able to live inside this happy delusion and felt healthy and important. Then, I reported to radiology, drank a barium shake (vanilla flavored) and brought myself back to reality.

Catscan was uneventful, and then I presented in clinic. I was examined and the results of the CAT were reviewed. Everyone agrees that the tumors are either stable or shrinking very slightly. I am also getting used to viewing this as good news. I was, for no good reason, worried about this one and had been awake since 3 this morning fretting over it.

Then we waiting for the blood work and boom -- the bad news. My platelet count is really, really low. They even looked a little worried, so I was sent home to try again next week. Oh well. C'est la vie. So surprising, since I feel really good.

On another note, this weekend marked the "soft launch" of CancerDancer's website. Please check it out, start thinking of dances you could post, read the blog and other pages, sign up.

Since, I will be blogging on this site, too, I may blog a little less here. This blog will be for my personal status, and cancerdancer will highlight interesting issues and other more global thoughts. I hope you will be edified by both.

Thanks for all the support. I am grateful for you all.

Quickie Blog

2011-01-26T07:29:00.000-05:00

Hiya Gang:

Just wanted to let you know that I received my 6th (out of 8) chemo treatment on Monday. My numbers though lower than average were not so low in any category that I could not receive the drugs. I was very pleasantly surprised. I came home Monday night and went right on the bench in Chesterfield JDR on Tuesday. Loved it. Have two more judging days this week and it makes me feel wonderful. I am capable of doing a good job without stressing my system and it is great to be in my work community and see all my colleagues.

I got some shocking news at NIH this week. I know, of course, that I will be done with chemo in two more cycles. I was under the impression that I would continue with the parp drug on the same three week cycle -- but no, I was wrong. I will be taking the parp drug every single day. This is probably a good thing for cancer fighting, but it stinks for quality of life. As you may remember, I cannot eat or drink for two hours before and two hours after I take these drugs, twice a day. For example, I currently take these drugs at 10 am and pm. That means breakfast must be done by 8 and lunch starts after twelve. The same is true at night. Dinner and drinks must be over by 8 every night. Potentially for years.

Am I bummed? You betcha. Apparently the drug company is coming out with a version that does not require all this fasting, but that is not the version used in my study.

I wish I knew how important this stomach-clearing is. If it is important I will follow it to the letter, but if it is just some doctor's general hypothesis, I might fudge a little more. I will be doing some research to see, but it looks like it will be happy hour and not late nights for me....

Thanks for all the hugs, notes and support, and thanks to the CD team for all the hard work.

Following up

2011-01-15T07:47:00.001-05:00

Hello Gang:

Hope you are doing fine. I am doing well although this last chemo was not an easy one. The feeling sick part wasn't too intense, but I just cannot seem to totally shake it. I still felt those twinges yesterday and that is a day longer than ever before. Let's keep our fingers crossed for today. Five chemos down and three to go.

Key West was a lot of fun. The weather was in the 70s, the rum was cold, and the food was, well, never-ending. I even ate ice cream, which I love but never do. Yum (dieting now though). Being someplace warm and sunny makes me really consider moving. Now seems to be one of those transition times in life -- a little window of an opportunity to steer in a different direction. It would be easier if I knew when I would need to go back to work, but, well life is uncertain (really uncertain, let me tell you!).

So, I am going to give some real thought to a change of scenery -- meanwhile, if any of you want to rent or buy my house, let me know.

Regarding the giving of blood -- thanks to all of you that give. I hope I put a face on your amazing gift. There have been some questions about blood donation versus platelet donation and I will try to clarify. Most of the time that people donate blood, it is whole blood. You sit down, a phlebotomist taps a vein in your arm and the blood flows directly into a bag. You get unhooked and handed an apple juice and a fig newton. The phlebotomist keeps that big red bag of whole blood. To get specific parts of blood, donors must make an apheresis donation. You sit in a similar chair, and get tapped in the same arm, but you are hooked to a machine that takes your whole blood and spins it out to remove goodies like platelets or plasma. The rest of your blood is returned to you in that same arm. The phlebotomist may walk away with a couple of much smaller bags of yellowish materials. One tends not to feel as drained after an apheresis donation since you are not losing as much fluid. This type of donation takes longer -- for a strong bleeder, maybe an hour: I used to take two hours to do it, as I bleed slowly. The nice blood bank people will happily set up a dvr with a movie for you if you have not brought work or a book. One can donate whole blood every six weeks but do apheresis every 14 days. Thanks again to all you donors.

This is a special shout out to Rob H. Send me your email, please, so I can write you back.

We are very close to launching CancerDancer, so I hope you are creating your dance vids. May the New Year bring closeness with the people you love and good health.

SF to NIH, and Give Blood -- take 2.

2010-12-28T18:13:00.000-05:00

Kyle and I went to San Francisco to spend Christmas with his family and had a wonderful time and waaaaay too many cookies. Kyle's sister, Katie, gave me the hope bracelet that Kyle's mom wore every single day until she passed. Now I wear it every day and it is very special to me. Thanks, Katie and the entire Nicholas family.

We made reservations (we thought) for a flight back sunday afternoon, landing at Dulles at midnight. It was important that there be no delays because if my treatment were to be delayed a week it would mean that I will feel lousy for the key west trip.

So we called the airlines and they said that it would be $750 a ticket to move it back a day. So we got on the computer and found a flight on jetblue that would get us in at 7 a.m. for a very reasonable price. We booked it; this flight left out of Oakland so we called Enterprise and asked if we could drop the car off at OAK instead of SFO. They wanted to charge us $300 for that. Pfft on Enterprise.

So we drop the car off and take BART to Oak. What a pain. We make the flight, and it was a good one landing in DC on time. I think I even slept. JetBlue rocks.

We then hustled to NIH where I was right on time for my CAT scan. Then we headed up to the clinic for my appointment. For the first time, Dr. Kotz was not there and it is his examination that gives me the best indication of how things are going. Oh, well. The CT results essentially show stable disease. They cannot see anything that has grown, but there is no indication that things are really shrinking either. The doctors view this as good news. I am always hoping for better.

Unfortunately, my lab work came back with a very low platelet count. The only way (aside from time) to raise it would be a transfusion of platelets. Since people rarely donate platelets (that is called an apheresis donation at your local blood bank), they only give them to the very sick. This is infuriating. If the general public would make these donations, I could have gotten platelets and kept on schedule with treatment. If you can, please donate. You are very literally saving lives when you do.

So after all that travel and expense to get to NIH to get treatment on time, I now have to wait till next Monday anyway. Grrrr.

We are still plugging away at CancerDancer. Special thanks to Al and Zach -- the creative team. Thanks to all of you for your ongoing support and to Tom C. for touching me with a card and gift.

Short update

2010-12-27T19:43:00.000-05:00

Nutty trip home from California. Details to follow, as I am too bushed to write it all. I did want to update you on NIH today.

Readers Digest version: Got cat scan, disease is stable -- no recognizable growth and perhaps shrinkage. Low platelets, and was deferred to next week to attempt treatment. I am bummed about getting off schedule again, but happy about the news that this treatment seems to have stopped the C in its tracks. Smootches to Kyle for enduring a lousy travel day to be with me.

More later, I promise. For now, nighty-night.

Halfway through -- Go give blood

2010-12-09T07:41:00.000-05:00

Dear Team:

Sorry for the sporadic postings, but not a whole lot is going on. Monday, I went up to NIH for treatment number 4. The good news is that the doctors that did my exam thought that my tumor was smaller and softer than a month ago. This makes me really happy and hopeful for the CAT scan on the 27th. I met two other ladies in my trial. One was withstanding the regimen very well, one was not. Both had stabilization with their tumors but no shrinkage. I am happy that their disease is not progressing, but I must guiltily confess to feeling a little lucky, myself.

Unsurprisingly, my numbers were low, so not only did I have to take the shot for the white blood cells, but needed my first blood transfusion for the red ones. It is a little creepy to watch someone else's blood drip into my body. However, it allowed me to get chemo on Tuesday without a delay, so I am thankful for it. Therefore, for all you blood donors out there: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Blood products save lives and you are heroes. If those products were not available, people like me would have to wait for treatment. Waiting for treatment can result in ineffective treatment. So thanks again. And along those lines, go give blood before the holiday break, please -- all of you who are able. It will make you feel terrific when you consider how needy the recipient must be. Post your contribution on the blog, and I will share your good deed with the world.

Funnily, when I left the NIH pharmacy, I have started to receive my prescriptions in a shopping bag. No kidding.

I have not yet gotten hit too bad with the chemo. In fact I ran three miles yesterday and felt like a champion. Thanks again for your unwavering support. You are fine examples of how humanity should act.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T08:31:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my favorite holiday. Family, food and football -- what could be better?

Last week was a rough week. Chemo flattened and depressed me. I am having a difficult time imagining the entire 8 cycles, as cycle number three really had me down. But as usual, on day ten after treatment, the chemical cloud lifts and I feel terrific. Yesterday I just danced around the house, the target, the grocery store...just everywhere. Sang randomly, and drank wine with lunch.

On a day where it is appropriate to count blessings, every second that I feel good is such an amazing gift. I don't wish this journey on anyone, but I do want everyone to appreciate what they have, every day. Just to take a deep breath, to stride to the car, to plop on the couch, to gulp a cool glass of water without discomfort is just the luckiest thing. Wiggle your toes, and just let the laughter bubble up because you can do that without even thinking about your body. Go kick some leaves. Throw a football. Tickle a kid. And be thankful. I sure am.

I hope that everyone has a safe, laughter-filled holiday full of the things that are important and devoid of the petty distractions. I am grateful for all of you. Group hug, gang.

First CT

2010-11-17T08:23:00.000-05:00

Hello Team! Monday I had a long day at NIH -- Thank you Rachel for toughing out 11 hours there with me and fighting with the pharmacy).Got there early and did the CT scan. Headed straight for clinic and had a pretty long examination with multiple doctors. They looked at the CT scan and basically reported that the news was excellent -- everything looked "a little smaller." This did not seem as excellent as I would have hoped. I was waiting for something like, " Wow! They are almost all gone...what a brilliant recovery." I did finally meet the head honcho doctor, Dr. Elise Kohn. She is a very bright, animated and knowledgeable. She emphasized that I should be optimistic and happy. I think that she is a straight shooter because she also said that with this treatment, we did not expect the tumors to disappear completely. WHAT? Damn. Okay. I can live with keeping them just the way they are for 50 more years or so.

My numbers were good, so I go the chemo, though it took hours just to get pharmacy to send over the drugs. I feel okay so far and looking forward to the holidays.

CancerDancer is coming along. More to follow when we have the soft launch.

Special thanks to Dan for sending me a little gift so sweet, I cried. Thanks for all your support, everyone.

First Ever -- a corporate plug.

2010-11-09T18:17:00.000-05:00

I am adjusting to "retired" life. The mattress is turned, the rugs are steam cleaned, and the computer is defragged. This has been a real boon for the ole homestead.

Yesterday, I received the check from my disability policy. They found me fully disabled beginning last October when I was diagnosed. I fully expected that they would look at my attempt to keep practicing last year as employment and only find me partially disabled. They could have reasonably done that, but they did not. They paid in full without any hassle. So here is my first corporate plug: Northwest Mutual is a wonderful insurance company. For those of you who are now convinced that a disability policy is necessary, feel free to call my agent: Don Creech at 762-7044. Tell him that Lola sent you.

I am feeling fine and working out again, but I have a long way to go. Couldn't finish the step class today, but I felt great about it. A special thank you to Jodi for my private yoga session yesterday. I felt terrific.

Monday, I return to NIH for my first post-Parp CT scan. I am confident that the news is going to be good, but of course, there is a little glimmer of fear that the doctors will enter the room and start with, "We have some bad news for you......" I will update you as soon as I get the news. Once there is proof that this is working, it makes the side effects much easier to take.

Thanks for all the ongoing support, and more CancerDancer updates to follow.

The latest

2010-11-04T05:27:00.000-04:00

Well, this last week has been uncomfortable but not terrible. I have the normal array of side effects -- queasiness, ravenous hunger, headaches, fatigue, gastric ridiculousness and this month's new one: heartburn. But none of them are terrible, just wearisome and too long-lived.

This past Monday and Tuesday, I found myself with too much time on my hands. This not working business is going to take some adjustment. I am literally reading War and Peace (Thanks, McIlhennys). But I need some daytime playmates. For anyone who has flexible work hours, I would love to do some yoga, play tennis, play chess, anything really, to keep me from turning on daytime t.v. Please give a call.

Yesterday, I filled some time by shopping. Retail therapy. Pretty fun actually, but I, unfortunately, I was shopping for FAT PANTS. Yes, FAT PANTS. The weight gain is truly the most surprising of the side effects, but I could not go all winter just wearing my yoga pants, so I now have some new jeans. Sigh.

Word has it that I am approved for full disability starting last October when I was diagnosed. Thank goodness. The other good news is that I can sit as a sub judge without jeopardizing that, so hopefully I will be on the bench a bit more.

My house is looking great, and I am really enjoying my new gas logs. The fake flames are nice to curl up next to with the Tolstoy.

I go back to NIH a week from Monday and will have a CAT scan at that time. Hopefully there will be promising news. Meanwhile, I have recommitted myself to eating good food and cutting out the junk. Honestly, I am about 80 percent successful. Need to work on that.

CancerDancer is in it's infancy but we are working on the paperwork, the composition of the Board and the website so we can have a true roll out. Get those videos ready.

Thanks for all the support, and I look forward to leisurely hanging out with all of you soon.

Quickie Post

2010-10-26T19:25:00.001-04:00

Hiya Gang:

Had a lovely weekend with the amazing weather and more amazing friends and family. One more birthday done.....aaaah about 44 more to go.

Went up to Bethesda Sunday evening and NIH on Monday morning. Spent a little of the morning waiting for the numbers to come back and viola they are super high. Those shots totally work. Remember we needed a 1.8 to get treatment. I am at 7.8. The labwork actually lists it as higher than the normal range. I get chemo in the afternoon but cannot make it out before rush hour. By the time rush hour is over, I am too and decide to get an early start today. They also gave me the parp pills and the standard dizzying array of anti-nauseals. The docs also sent me home with one more shot, a slow release one, this time, to take today. Which I just did.

I woke up at quarter to 4 this morning and trucked home. Never had to hit the brakes once, a great time to drive.

Made it to court twice today and had great hearings both times (except for my client telling everyone that I sucked because of my health issue). I am really going to miss work. 14 cases left.

Oh, and I owe you all an apology. I found my scalloped edge covered pyrex dish right where it was supposed to be....who snuck that back in here.

Hugs and more updates as I live them.....

A step forward and a setback

2010-10-19T20:12:00.000-04:00

Well, CancerDancers, I arrived at NIH on monday afternoon and had a routine meeting with pre-anesthesia to get ready for Tuesday's surgery to insert a new port. I rushed up to my clinic to have yet more blood drawn and to have a meeting and examination with doctors from my team. I have been eagerly awaiting this, as the doctors can actually feel one of my tumors and I was hoping that it would feel smaller than three weeks ago. And guess what....it does! They estimated that it was 6-7 cm before and now it feels like 5 cms. I am beyond thrilled. Bring on more chemo and PARP.

Unfortunately, my numbers were a bit low and they needed to come up a smidge for me to receive them. My absolute neutraphil number needs to be 1.8. Mine was 1.7. (This is part of white blood cells, as far as I understand it). They asked me to come in early on Tuesday to run yet another blood test to see if it will read higher.

So I trudge up there at 6:45 this morning, give more blood and present at the OR. The nurses are getting me ready for the surgery, and we check the numbers from the morning blood draw. They have plummeted to .75. No chemo for me. No parp for me. Aieee!!!. Panic sets in. What if they throw me out of the study? What if I am just not strong enough for this? More panic. I try not to start an unstoppable crying jag in the Pre-op. I succeed but barely. The doctor does notice my emotional state and tells me that everything is going to be fine with noticeable pity. I hate that, although I appreciate that he was being genuinely sympathetic but I really don't like seeing pity in people's eyes when they look at me. I started to calm down when I realized that if they were going to kick me out, I would not still be in the OR. Then, I calmed down more when they anesthetized me.

I woke up feeling groggy but thankfully, not nauseous, and ultimately made my way back up to my clinic. They gave me a shot of neutrapine (sp?) to raise my counts. I will take a shot every day for 4 days and return to NIH next Monday to try and get the chemo and parp. The only thing worse than getting chemo is not getting chemo.

This is very frustrating for me. Other than the cancer, I have relied on my body to be super healthy and strong to help me fight this. When my body failed me in the first round of this treatment, I felt like the world just rocked on its axis. Again. This has also screwed up my schedule, so that days that I thought that I would be at NIH are no longer the right days. That makes planning the holidays tricky and frustrating.

This is currently a manageable problem, but I am very afraid that in time it will become unmanageable. I realize that I should not worry about things that I cannot control, but getting booted from this study and possibly being unable to even do chemo is just terrifying. Hopefully, this will not turn out that way, but I wanted to share these fears with you. Many of you have commented that this blog helps you to understand what having a chronic, life threatening disease is like, and that it helps with understanding people in positions similar to mine. I hope that the story of today's anxiety helps with that greater understanding.

I will be home tomorrow and am looking forward to that immensely. Thanks for sharing this journey with me.

The DR and a new project

2010-10-17T08:30:00.001-04:00

Hello Gang.

I am recently back from a week in the Dominican Republic with Handsome Honey. We stayed at the Excellence resort, an all-inclusive, and had a wonderful time. The beach was the most beautiful beach I have ever been on. The resort was just gorgeous with a meandering pool full of ledges to sit on and a swim up bar. The staff was friendly and responsive. We spent a week looking like a Corona commercial and just exhaling the whole time. I felt great and worked out every day. Let's face it, I am a Caribbean kind of girl. We did attempt to snorkel at a place called Catalina Island, but that trip was a total bust. I'll sum it up for you: Lipton soup in a cup and snorkeling with garbage in the water. Shame on you, DR. We also made some new and wonderful friends, Justin and Di (pronounced Dee) from Boston. A shout out to them, and also to all the fine folks that sent me lovely cards this week -- Catherine, Sandy, Julie and Katie, and my brother's beautiful family to name a few. I love you all.

This brings me to our new exciting project "CancerDancer." We would like to start a charity to improve awareness of Ovarian Cancer, genetic testing for cancer, and fundrasing for awareness and research. I filmed a little short of me dancing on the beach (assisted by Justin and Di -- hilarious). I am affirming that I am alive and fighting this lousy disease. Once we get this stuff up and running, I am hoping that EVERYONE will load a video. If we get enough hopefully some sponsors will pay per each upload and click and we can start a movement. If Nancy Brinker with Susan Komen can do it, so can we. We can save some lives. Kyle has written the person that owns the url and hopefully we can acquire it. Until then be thinking about your videos -- you can add a caption or hold a sign remembering someone. Perhaps we can even get Obama to do one for his mom.

Now I will need some help -- to get started we will need someone to set up the charity properly for tax purposes. We need graphic design, website development, people willing to be on the board and someone to research existing Ovarian Cancer research organizations so that we will know to whom to donate to once we raise money. I an shooting for a million. I am confident that we can do this. The world knows what a pink ribbon is for -- let's show the world a teal ribbon and really fight this disease. Thanks in advance, because I know that TeamSter will come through.

I will be at NIH tomorrow through Wednesday to have an exam, get a port put in and chemo. I will also be receiving another week's worth of PARP pills. Fingers crossed and ready to go.

Anniversary

2010-10-05T07:45:00.000-04:00

Lately, many of you have told me that you find the blog inspirational. I am pleased, but a little surprised in that I don't think that I am doing anything that anyone would not do...just pick up and have today. As we have previously discussed, wallowing in self-pity generally results in a lousy day so I try not to do it. However, I do not want you to falsely believe that I leap out of bed in the morning, sparkly and laughing every day to deal with this. I most certainly do not. There are tears, there are moments of cursing some exceptionally bad luck, there is envy of young people with bright futures in front of them. There is even envy of my old life, the one where I was worried about my caseload, vacations and shoe sales. Aches, pains and other physical conditions have taken on grand import. When my tastebuds tank (this week coffee doesn't even taste good), I wonder -- was last week the last time I will truly enjoy a cup of coffee? Is today the first day of a permanent pain on my side? Will I ever feel really fit and strong again? I am very human and sometimes downright fragile.

Today is the one year anniversary of my diagnosis. It seems like this last year has accounted for half my life and the other 42 years, the other half. It is simply two different lives and this one seems so huge and overarcing. It takes up more space because everything seems to mean more. All the moments count more. Just saying hi to someone seems like a much bigger deal than it did a year ago. Perhaps this is living in the moment, although I still don't think I do that particularly well. In comparing lives, I still feel lucky. Fate could have fashioned for me a long life, full of disappointment, pain, and suffering. But my life, long or shortened, is full of personal connections, love, creativity, laughter, art, food, music, sunshine, exercise, children, beauty, accomplishment, challenge and pleasure. This is nothing to be sorry for, not too sorry anyway.

Thanks for indulging me today, it felt good to whine a little, to put aside the happy face for a minute.

Otherwise, today is the last day of the PARP pills that I started a week ago. They make me feel queasy, and I am hoping that feeling stops immediately after I stop taking them. Thursday, Handsome Honey and I head for the Caribbean for a week (being sick isn't all bad). Don't tell the doctors, they would rather I stayed near them. (But I am reckless for sunshine!)

I spoke with the insurance people yesterday and it appears as though my disability will be approved without any hassle. More details on that as it comes.

Case count: Down to 20. It is very strange not to have work. I worked in the morning yesterday although much of that time is talking to insurance, billing that sort of thing and not really work at all. Then I went to the gym, came home, read a book, watched tv, studied Spanish and was plainly bored out of my skull. I will need to figure out what to do with all of this time. I have some volunteer ideas, more details will follow.

Hug each other today. No time like now.

Moving forward, and joyfully home

2010-10-01T17:15:00.000-04:00

Wednesday morning, I got up and walked back to NIH for chemo. I am receiving only one of the two drugs that I got last time, so I am hoping that the side effects will be lessened as I am receiving essentially half as much. I am warmly greeted, and hooked up, but everything takes a while. A while to drip a saline, a while to get the drugs from the pharmacy, etc. My arm ached a little so we slowed down the drip...la di dah....After receiving a new appointment, I was on my way three hours later.

Getting chemo is a little different at NIH than here at home. All the nurses are as friendly and capable as can be. There are no complaints there. But southern nurses are all hugs and blankets and pillows and stories that involve dessert. Not so much up north. I think some folks would find the over friendliness off-putting, but somehow when holding hands with cancer, I can like some over-the-top warmth.

Then I went downstairs for a consult with the surgeons to put in a new port, since I am stuck full of holes in both my arms. If there is one thing that is delicate on me, it is surely my veins. The doctor wore a lab coat with a a big patch showing a dude wearing a loincloth, holding a dagger fighting a large crab. I had to ask. He says,"Crab, cancer, get it?" "Oh, of course." I think it is funny that each department comes up with their own boy scout patch. Hope he nails that crab.

After scheduling the surgery, he does the normal stethoscope, breathe in-breathe out routine. Ho hum, I've done this like 50 times in the past year. He is wrapping it up and says, "You know you have a heart murmur, right?" WHAT? Great. He reassures me that it is completely normal at my age (give me that dagger, crab-man). So I don't have to worry about it, but still - it was rather shocking.

That night, Phil, Rachel and I go out for a nice grown-up dinner and we had a great time. Again, I could not be more lucky than to have such accommodating family (and extended family -- Ruth, Zvi). Then, I developed a serious pain in my lower right pelvis. I just imagined the cancer getting a good dose of chemo and parp and shuddering. Take that! Unfortunately though, I only got three hours of sleep that night because of it. I felt better at six in the morning. Completely pain free. Go figure.

Back to NIH for a blood draw and then...on my way home. (with a little stop at IKEA for more bedroom stuff). I may never have been so happy to get to my house. I felt like I was going to work every day at NIH, and frankly, I was tired of it. Blessedly, no future trip should be quite as involved as this one.

So I have been popping the PARP pills and the dizzying array of accompanying anti-nauseals. That keeps me only vaguely queasy. This is tolerable, and the idea that it might actually work makes is very worthwhile. We have filled up the hot tub today, so I should be feeling even better shortly. Thanks for all the prayers and support, this would be unbearable without it.

Joining the NIH team.

2010-09-29T06:57:00.000-04:00

Sunday, I had a problem-free drive to Phil and Rachel's house. Their hospitality makes this endeavor much easier for me. They have set up a special guest room in the basement which I truly appreciate. Monday morning, I get up and go for a 30 minute run in the rain. I feel strong which is a good way to be before starting anything, especially something a touch scary, like experimental treatment.

Because of the rain, I did not want to wear my sandals to walk to NIH, so I put on my new, very normal flat shoes. By the time I arrived at NIH (4 big blocks), the back of my right shoe has cut into my achilles, and I am bleeding into my shoe and limping. So I took them off and carried them and my rain soaked body into the main NIH building. I must've looked like a real hillbilly in the big city to get treatment. People would not meet my eye as I walked through the campus.

I head up to the 12 floor (score a band-aid), and sign in. My blood is taken -- a lot of it in fact, like 7 tubes, and I sit down to wait. Unfortunately the new receptionist only had me sign in for bloodwork and not the doctors so no one knew that I was there, so I had to wait for a while before a sharp-eyed nurse noticed me. One of the upsides of going alone is that you are more likely to chat with other patients than when one is accompanied. So I chatted with another woman who is BRCA positive. She is 2 1/2 years in, and looked fine, though she related that she has been in treatment nearly the entire time. Ugh.

I finally got to see some members of the team, including Nicole, the clinical coordinator, Jennifer, the nurse practitioner, and Dr. Kotz, the doctor who did not think HIPEC was a good option for me. We talked more about it and he basically echoed the other doctor's concerns -- there just isn't any data on it. He did a very thorough exam and reviewed the newest CAT scan. He said that it showed the same stuff as on August 4, but a little bigger. I am glad to know that these things do not seem to turn into watermelons overnight. I got my extended visitor pass which lets me waltz into any NIH entrance without all the security and my vouchers for reimbursement for miles and meals, etc.

Then I get my consent forms. One asks if they can do an optional biopsy in Cycle 2. I ask, "I understand why you might want this from a research point of view, but does it do anything for me?" Jennifer said, no, it just gives researchers data to help others in the future. Wow, what an ethical dilemma. Do I undergo a surgery (albeit a small one) when I am trying to stay healthy to help the fight against cancer? I put my money where my mouth is and agree, but secretly decide to see how tomorrow's biopsy goes as the real decider. That night, nice hospitality at Rachel's folks house -- thank you Ruth and Zvi. It is nice to have more people in the area who are giving and supportive.

Tuesday, I get up (no coffee, water food -- surgery day), put on my sandals and walk to NIH. The interventional radiology team seems totally together, and like the rest of NIH have all the newest gear. Unfortunately it takes the nurse three sticks to get an IV in. So, now we have scheduled a consult with surgery for a new port. I ask the team to leave the IV in my arm, since I will need it for chemo tomorrow, and they agree. My right wrist is taped like a linebacker -- except in pretty blue. They make me very sleepy and remove a number of cores from my liver in the same ultrasound assisted procedure used at UVA. I am dozing in a out when they wheel me to the Day hospital for recovery. I am handed a menu and told that I can eat and should order whatever I want -- there is a full breakfast menu, including veggie sausage, turkey sausage, etc. Pizzas, sandwiches, entrees -- even ones that include tofu, side dishes salads -- it is a solid menu. I called the number and ordered green tea, a chicken noodle soup and a salad -- I cannot escape my heritage! I worry about a doozy of a headache, but hope the tea rights it.

I drink some water and then, whoa -- I don't feel so good. I will spare you the details, but I was really sick all afternoon. I did not eat the soup or salad, or anything else. I could not even keep the water down, my head was pounding and it was just awful. They hooked up an IV and gave me an anti-nauseal plus a big bag of saline. I was finally released 5 hours later. Still with a headache but not actively sick. Ironic that I should make it through chemo without ever getting sick, but the anesthesia did me in. My good intentions go out the door for next cycle -- no biopsy. Sorry.

I am given my drugs to take home including the PARP pills. I feel like I am holding treasure. Crack for BRCA Cancer patients. I hold the pills in my hand and they feel like diamond booty. I have to take 8 of them 12 hours apart for 7 days. I have another anti nauseal to take one hour before the PARP and cannot eat for two hours before or after these pills. I think I have found my new weight loss plan. I decide that 9:30 will be the magic hour, so I set alarms on my phone to remind me of all of these things. No food between 7:30 and 11:30 am and pm every day.

They wheel me out and Rachel picks me up. Itai (who has recently turned an adorable three), looks at my wrist and starts asking questions. We tell him that I had a shot but it didn't hurt (ha ha). He tells everyone about my shot later that evening. He asked me if I cried. (I didn't but sure felt like it at moments). He seems thoughtful about getting a shot without crying, perhaps I should have.

Rachel makes me more tea and I snuggle up on the sofa like a proper sick person, eating goldfish, like a person surrounded by children. It is the only thing that seems appealing. I perk up over the next few hours, eat noodle soup for dinner and wait for the various alarms to ring. At 9:30, I dish out tonight's handful of pills, we say a shechianu (a jewish prayer for reaching a special time) and down them. We have begun, and I am jazzed.

Today, I will head to the hospital for chemo. Hopefully it will be a non issue. Thanks to all of you for your remarkable support. I am still warmed by every comment, note, facebook post and call. I am humbled by the kindness all around. More soon.

And the winner is.......

2010-09-23T08:34:00.000-04:00

NIH!!!!! Helene and I drove up to Hershey yesterday (Thank you, bff). We consulted with members of the clinical trial team, and when I told them that NIH could provide me with the PARP drug indefinitely, they pretty much told me that NIH was the better option. They said anecdotally that they have been having better results with chemo + PARP then with PARP alone, so we are very hopeful.

I also received an email yesterday from Dr. Kotz, the doctor that works part time at NIH, and used to perform HIPEC with Dr. Sugarbaker. His email was two sentences long "Hipec is not a good choice for you. If you wish to discuss further, you can call me or ask for me on your return here." I will get the details next week. So, it looks like we have asked every questions and it has lead us to the best answer we can have for today.

I have appointments now set up at NIH for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I should be starting chemo on Wednesday, and am very happy about starting treatment.

Thanks to everyone, as always. And for those of you keeping count, I have 24 cases left to close.

Short update

2010-09-20T20:56:00.000-04:00

Hey gang:

Had a great time in NYC. Lots of snuggling with the niece and nephew plus the Braves winning at Citifield amidst a mountain of kettle corn. Good living.

The meeting with Dr. Pothuri at NYU was a good one. She is a young doctor, but confident and very willing to consult with Kyle and me. She was very regretful that she had a long list for her PARP study. "You are the perfect participant - an otherwise healthy person that has not had Doxil." But alas, I am not willing to wait a few months for a possible spot. She'll call me if anything changes. She pooh-poohed HIPEC ("shake n bake") by saying flatly, "there is no clinical data to support that." She liked both the NIH and Hershey options. In fact, she did not know that NIH pays for travel to study participants, so I educated her a little, and hopefully she can get some of the cancer patients on her waiting list into the PARP study in Bethesda.

My conversation with her has shown me that we have done yeoman's work on the research. We have asked the right questions, considered the right options and have come to this last decision with the right factors in mind. I am proud of us all because this journey has certainly been a team one. I will be at Hershey on Wednesday and hope to make my decision on that day.

I reviewed my most recent CT scan, and to a layperson, it looks about the same as the one from August. Whew.

Special shout out to Ali. I am very proud of him, and he knows why. Also, all my love to Mom who spent the weekend in the hospital. She is fine, but had us a little worried.

More after Wednesday.

A difference of opinion

2010-09-16T07:40:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I met with Dr. Boardman and company at MCV. MCV is just what you would excpect -- kind of crowded, overworked, with outdated facilities. I actually got a hand written receipt for my co-pay. However, also like one might expect, the people that I met at MCV were very caring and very proud of being the hometown medical center.

Dr. Boardman is a charging bull of helpfulness. After my wait of two and half hours, she flies into the room and says, "Let me get this straight, you have never had a taxane." She was in utter shock. Taxanes are a chemo drug. The most widely used one is Taxol which is standard of care therapy for first time ovarian cancer treatment. If you will recall, Dr. Welander chose a non standard treatment, Carbo and Gemzar. It is clear that Dr. Boardman would not have done the same. When I told her that I was considering PARP/Carbo at NIH versus PARP/Carbo/Taxol at Hershey, she jumped up and got on the horn to Hershey. She did find out that the dosing is at therapeutic levels which was a big concern for the phase I trial. She lobbied for my inclusion in the study and then arranged for a CT scan on the spot, since it had been six weeks since I had gotten one. Thus, I spent the rest of the day drinking a nasty berry milkshake and laying in the giant cold donut.

Wow. What a choice. Bethesda v. Hershey. It would have been much easier if all the doctors pointed a patient to the same choice, but they don't. I have written Dr. Taylor an email to see if he can shed any light on the subject.

Today, Kyle and I leave for New York to meet with a doctor at NYU, that study is PARP and Doxil. It has a waiting list of 21 people, so I do not expect treatment there, but hopefully that doctor will give me some more insight on the choice I am left with.

Special shout out to Brian and Susheela who delivered some fabulous cookies even though it was Brian's birthday, and to the lovely folks at the Richmond Circuit Court who sent a beautiful card signed by everyone. All your notes, messages, emails and posts are treasured by me. Thank you all.

Hopeful after NIH, and other unrelated stuff.

2010-09-14T18:11:00.000-04:00

The first part of this blog is not medical -- if you want the facts, ma'am, and just the facts, then scroll down to the NIH heading.....

The rest of beach week was a total blast. Kyle and I took a surfing lesson, and we both got a couple of rides that lasted all of 5 seconds. We may get hooked on that sport....anyone got a long board for sale? I was feeling just terrific. Not one pain, nothing....it gave me plenty of time where I really could forget about the cancer...a wonderful week. I did deal with a few cancer things. First I got a call from MCV that their study had filled. I was not too depressed about that because I was a little skittish about their chemo drug choice in the study, but a little miffed that they encouraged me to wait until after beach week to schedule the appointment and then filled it while I was gone. Oh well, then I will use my appointment as a consult. Thereafter, I spoke with Dr. Sugarbaker's nurse and she offered me the very first appointment with the doctor on October 12. When I called back to get that appointment, the day had been completely booked. She said she would squeeze me in when I called back with my new insurance number. (Odd, since he does not take insurance, but oh well). Then NYU called and let me know that the PARP study now had a waiting list of 21 people -- it was 4 when I made the appointment. Now I am getting nervous that all the treatment options will dry up before I can get to them, keeping in mind that I took the first possible appointments for everything except MCV. I called Hershey to see if I could move them up, but they could not do that. Deep sigh.

We came back to Kyle's on Saturday and were all psyched up for the Black Keys at the Va. Beach amphitheater. They were opening for the Kings of Leon, which was fine, but I was there for the Keys. Kyle sprung for front row seats, and the weather was great. Since there was another opener, The Whigs, we figured the Keys would come on around 8:30. We arrived then, and somehow we missed half of the Black Key's set. We ended up catching four (fabulous) songs. Whoops. We stayed for about half of the KOL set, and then dragged our geriatric, ear-plugged tushes home to sleep.

In between sets, I felt this crazy thumping behind me, I looked back and this overly make-upped 14 year old, sitting with her mother, was kicking my seat. Now I don't mean, absently dangling her leg over her knee and tapping the seat. I mean, scrunched up face, seething demeanor, full-flat footed pounding of my seat. I turn around and ask, "Why are you kicking my seat?" She spits out, "You stood up and were dancing, I couldn't see-- you are like six foot tall, and that probably isn't even your seat." I reply by saying, "I am 5'4", and this is a rock concert -- people stand up, why didn't you just tap me on the shoulder...." Her mother pipes up, and says, you should have gotten a ticket in the SRO area if you wanted to stand (keep in mind that everyone but these two are standing up). The girl adds that tapping me on the shoulder would not have done any good because I would not have listened. Meanwhile she is still slugging away at my seat. I said that I thought she was too young to be that rotten, and if she did not stop I would have her thrown out. She sneered at me and continued to kick (really, I couldn't make this up if I tried). Kyle heads over to the nearest security guy. The mother is just watching her daughter do this...I am flabbergasted. The security guy "SG" (who looks all of 20), comes over and asks, "what is the problem?" Little angel replies, that I stood up and then she can't see. SG informs her that I am allowed to stand up and that there is room to move a little to either side to view the stage...he asks her if she has been kicking the seat. She flatly denied it. Multiple times.....Mom just sits there looking around. She continues to insist that she never touched the seat and that we were lying. The SG would have none of it and told her that if we complained again, she would be removed. She complained that we would surely lie on her now.

This was the strangest encounter.....mostly because of the behavior of the mother. Ironically, since we really did not care about the Kings of Leon, we would have probably swapped seats if she had been nice, but she was the nastiest little person I have ever met. Kyle actually had dreams about some form of retribution that night. I kept thinking about whether I should have been overly kind, to show her how people should behave, or whether I should have found a basketball center to take my seat after I left, to give her her just desserts. Totally crazy.

Sunday morning, I stopped into my house for an hour before heading to Maryland. I was so excited to see my newly painted bedroom (Glenn, painter extraordinaire, was doing it while I was gone). I leapt up the stairs, threw open the door, and found a hideous shade of blue green. Yes, crayon-like. Not the calming sea tone that I had envisioned. After much embarrassment, I showed it to Kyle when he arrived. He asked, "you picked this color?" I said, "I didn't think it would look like this...." and got the swatch. When I held it up to the wall.....different color. It was not the color that I had picked. Glenn came over and said that the paint store goofed, and that he would correct it, no charge. Can't wait to get home today and see it, finally. Pictures to follow.

NIH:

So, after the paint-shock, Kyle and I jump into the car, fight the traffic and arrive at NIH. To go there, one must submit to a security check that outdoes airports. We get the passes and head to the main building. We cannot park in the squatty parking deck so we stick the car elsewhere and walk to the building. Unfortunately, most of the doors are locked, and the campus is deserted. We finally find an open door (in the parking deck) and make our way through empty corridors to the correct admissions desk. They ask me a few question, take my picture and tell me that they will see me tomorrow. "Aren't I supposed to get some tests?" I ask. I was told there might be some testing. The admissions lady said that would happen tomorrow. I found it odd that we traveled up a day early to spend 20 minutes registering, but who knows? Right?

After a much needed Guiness at a sports bar, we arrive at my cousin Phil's house in Bethesda....How could I get so lucky as to have a cousin, with a big house and a big heart just four blocks from NIH? I must be doing something right! Monday morning we walked to NIH, signed in and were asked, "Did you do your tests yesterday?" Argh. So, they pulled blood, did a chest x-ray and an EKG. Unfortunately, I think that put me way down the list to talk to the doctors, so we had to wait another 2 and a half hours to consult. Grrr.

First we me the fellow, Dr. Karzai, who gave me a very thorough examination and asked me some very probing questions -- good sign. She then said, "Were you told that we are not taking any more participants in the PARP study right now..but we are experiencing good results with Avastin, would you like to talk about that?" Kyle visibly slumped. I started firing the questions. When will it restart? (Don't know, let me ask), Is there a waiting list? (no), What do you mean comparable results? (Dr. Annunziata or Dr. Kohn will review that with you).....She leaves to get the other doctor. Wait a little more...lalalalalala....Ahh, nice to meet you, Dr. Annunziata.

The study should restart in 2 weeks (hooray), they are waiting for the last participant in phase I to take her last dose. Hopefully she will be up to it on Monday, and they can start with me one week later. We will not know if her numbers will be good enough until then. Okay, that is tolerable. And, happily, it means that if I participate in this study, I will be in Phase II and getting the full therapeutic dose of the drugs as previously tested. Excellant.

Then the doctors told me some new information -- because of the type of cancer I have, it is expected that chemo will work very well for me. That is certainly consistent with what happened the last time. They expect that I will respond well to the Chemo drug and hope to have even better results with the addition of the PARP inhibitor. So I would be getting Carboplatin, which I tolerated well before and the PARP inhibitor. Carbo is scheduled to last 8 months, and if I am doing well, I CAN GET THE PARP INHIBITOR FOREVER. The study will never close as long as someone is receiving benefit. That is just so damn hopeful. PARP alone has had a 40 percent response rate in people like me, so with chemo, we are hoping the results will be even better. They called me "chemo naive" since I have hand only one course. The implication was that I had a long way to go treatment options. I was so happy to hear good news....I just grinned (even in traffic) the whole way home. Although I am not committed yet, I did make the next appointment for two weeks out.

I did ask the doctors what they thought about Dr. Sugarbaker's surgery, they were not hostile to the idea. Furthermore, they have a colleague that worked with Dr. Sugarbaker who is going to call me to discuss the shake and bake as it might apply to me.

So in sum, NIH explained that my type of cancer is very responsive to treatment, treatment is available at the right dosing, and that my other PARP and surgical options are also viable. I have many things to try as time goes on. So psyched. Thanks, team for getting me here. More as it comes.

Greetings from the Outer Banks

2010-09-06T10:26:00.000-04:00

Well, it's Beach Week, and we are having an outstanding blast. Weather is spectacular, food is plentiful and delicious, the alcohol is free-flowing and I have scheduled a surf lesson for Thursday. Everyone should get to vacation like this. I even went for a long run yesterday. It made me feel strong and ready to fight.

On the treatment front, I have scheduled appointments at all the facilities doing studies in which I am interested. NIH on the 13th, MCV on the 15th, NYU on the 17th and Hershey on the 22d. World tour t-shirts to follow. I will call Sugarbaker tomorrow and demand an audience. I expect to make my decision immediately after the 22d. I am so looking forward to starting treatment. My mindset about that choice changes day to day. Three days ago, I was definitely leaning toward a PARP study. Today, it's the shake n' bake, if I am convinced that the chemo protocol that goes with it is ovarian cancer specific. I am thankful for Dr. Taylor's help in navigating this minefield. He really is just what a doctor should be.

I had a frightening amount of pain last friday, which might be related to the weightlifting on Thursday. But no real pain since then. I will lift one more time when I get home, and if it hurts again, lifting will be right out. More yoga, then....

Take care, everyone, until I see you next.

Decisions, decisions

2010-09-01T07:00:00.000-04:00

Well, gang. I have been continuing to research my options and have set up two appointments. One at NIH on Sept. 13 and MCV on Sept. 15. I am hoping to get an appointment at the facility in Hershey as well, but cannot seem to get the right person on the phone to make that appointment. I have focused on trials of PARP inhibitors as the most likely new treatment to provide results for me. We are have PARP within us, it is an enzyme that helps our cells to recreate themselves. PARP inhibitors stop our cells from being able to reproduce cancer cells -- they can't do it without the necessary enzyme. Ta da. Hopefully, combined with a chemo, we can shrink the tumors and they won't be able to grow back. Side effects are not bad. This seems like a wise choice, and I am looking forward to getting started, because not having any treatment feels rotten.

I am making sure but deliberate headway in closing up my open files. I am down to 35 open files and that number drops daily. Next week I will be in Corolla enjoying beach week and will finish wrapping everything up upon my return.

I feel very good. I have a small pain on my side in the same place it was a couple weeks ago, but it is not bad at all. Perhaps this will be my marker to determine if treatment is working.

Thanks for all your prayers and kind thoughts. Special thanks to Cullen and the JCC for my comped membership -- I have no excuse now for not working out and I look forward to many more hours at the gym as my work schedule dwindles. Thanks also to Helene for being a wiz with my medical records, getting them copied and sending them to the various doctors.

Research, Research, Research

2010-08-26T08:12:00.000-04:00

Here's the update, team.

All weekend, Keri, Kyle, Martha, Karen, Helene and I were compiling this monstrous list of clinical trials for which I am eligible. Some of it made sense, some of it was just gobbldygook (spelling?) to the medically untrained. After reviewing around 350 trials, we narrowed the field to about 120 possibilities. I called up to UVA and Dr. Taylor was kind enough to schedule an hour and a half of time to review this list with me along with his suggestions. I am proud to report that all his suggestions were included on our list. After this conversation, the list is down to about 30. That is a manageable number. I am starting the call the various institutions to learn more and possibly make appointments to follow up. It feels good to be getting closer to a plan. It felt funny to say goodbye to Dr. Taylor -- it felt like I was dumping him, but I guess that is the nature of this business. UVA has one trial that is a possibility, so who knows? If you want to view the current list, you can check it out at https://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AjrY7MSpY77CdG5FdFBlQUpaOFBtdkRsYnp4eUY5bFE&hl=en&authkey=CMugl-gK

I have also contacted Gary's old doctor, Dr. Sugarbaker, to see if I am a candidate for his technique, colloquially known as the "shake and bake". This is a really harsh surgery where the docs open you up from stem to stern, laser off any cancer they can find, heat your chemo drugs to 107 degrees and then paint every square centimeter of your insides with it. This takes about 8 hours, and is difficult to recover from. You wake up with a tube and in the ICU. Gary was in the hospital for 10 days and he was in super good shape. Other people can be hospitalized for 30 days. There is not a lot of research on the effectiveness of this technique but the small bit of research seems to indicate that it can be very effective even curative. Insurance considers this technique to be experimental for ovarian cancer and will deny coverage. We may have a fight on our hands. Here is a news story on the technique -- http://www.abc2news.com/news/local/story/Cancer-Patient-Fights-Insurance-Company-and-Wins/QSBPxH6_EEya7J8Rvb1m8w.cspx

On a more personal note, I have decided to close my practice for now. I am so wrapped up in this decision and the larger issue of what to do with my life, that I cannot care about my clients in the way that I need to. I have always been motivated to work very hard and be very patient with my clients because I actually care about what happens to them. I have always tried to do the job for them that I would have wanted done for me if I was in their shoes. But I have lost the ability to care enough for right now. When a client starts complaining about having to go to jail for 6 months, I want to shout, "you think that is a problem...that's not a problem, I can tell you about what a REAL problem is like. You did this to yourself, you whiner." This is not a good place to practice law from. So I am giving it a rest. I am actually looking forward to having some time without the stressors of work. I will do more yoga!

Thanks for the cards, emails, and warm support. We are gonna fight like hell, and focus on today -- which is a good day. I started thinking of things that I am thankful for, and today it's gonna hafta be General Tso's chicken (with friends) -- which was great last night. Thanks all.

UVA day two

2010-08-21T07:26:00.000-04:00

Dear Team:

Yesterday morning, I received a call from Dr. Taylor, asking if I could come back for the sonogram-assisted biopsy. So Kyle and I jumped in the car and headed up 64. I had an interesting procedure under local anesthesia where they numbed my side -- the same one that has been hurting -- and sonagrammed up an image of that lesion on my liver. Then, the doctors stuck it with needles and pulled samples for pathology to examine. They also pulled a little chunk out for the same purpose. It hurt a little then, and the area is sore now.

I am expecting to get the full pathology results at the beginning of next week which will allow us to compare these cells to the cancerous cells that were pulled last October. This will help Dr. Taylor advise me on which trial might be best for me. The pathologist did tell Dr. Taylor that at first look, the cells were malignant.

Special thanks to Kyle for doing all the driving, Mom for getting multiple copies of my medical records, Margaret for her inspiring story, Keri for visiting, Bev for the cupcakes, Kathleen for the pottery, and Lola for being herself. More to follow.

UVA meeting

2010-08-19T19:59:00.000-04:00

Dear Team:

Today was a long day at UVA; Mom, Kyle and I did not leave there until after 4 p.m. I will try to relate all that happened.

First, I met Dr. Taylor. He seems to be an accomplished warm, caring physician. We chatted for a while, he asked basic questions to try to get to know me. He asked questions like, "Are you an information seeker or an information blocker?" and "how far (geographically) are you willing to go for treatment?" I thought that these were excellent questions for him to be asking. He does not seem wedded to treatment at UVA, quite the opposite, he is interested in research all over. He, like Dr. Hyde, strongly favors a clinical trial over a more standard approach. To put in frankly, the standard approaches only work about 10 percent of the time. Better to try something new and get lucky. He introduced me to Meredith, the clinical trial liason.

UVA has one clinical trial right now for people like me. The trial is being conducted in C-ville and at MD Anderson. It is a phase I/II trial for using a Taxol like drug combined with another drug to help the Taxol penetrate better. Most women that have started this one year long trial have stopped early because it apparently results in awful mouth and throat sores that finally prohibit eating. So, this option falls into the "maybe" catagory. I might respond to the Taxol like drug since I haven't had it before.

Dr. Taylor would like to have confirmation of diagnosis, so he sent my pix to radiology to see if they think an ultrasound needle biopsy could be performed that would be more accurate than the one done last week. This could determine if the tumor is the same type as the first one. It probably is, but they would like to test it.

Then he and his fellow, Dr. Jennifer something, discussed doing genetic testing on me. A small percentage of cancers are linked to the BRC1 and BRC2 genes. If you have this mutation it increases your chances of getting breast, ovarian, prostate and a few other cancers. Because I got this cancer so early, because there is a cancer history in my family and because I am a Jew of eastern European descent, I may well have this genetic marker. So we scheduled a gene test for this afternoon. I met the genetic counselor, Joanne, who explained all this stuff to me. I then took a(nother) blood draw, and will get the results of the genetic testing in about two weeks. This may make me a good candidate for some other studies that focus on the genetics. These studies involve PARP inhibitors, and I cannot tell you more about them until I do some reading.

Tomorrow, I will work on my disability application, call my insurance company, call a number of other doctors about their clinical trials and schedule the biopsy. I am happy to have things to do. Thanks for all the calls today -- sorry that I haven't been able to answer but it is just too many to handle. Hope this blog helps, and I will talk to all of you soon.

Thanks for the concern from you all, I feel very lucky in spite of all of this. (PS: Had french fries with cheese at lunch -- in some ways, serious illness can be very freeing, and delicious)

Sorry for the delay

2010-08-17T17:25:00.000-04:00

Dear Team:

I apologize for the delay in posting, but I needed to wait a while before I could write without bringing on a bout of despair. I have determined that despair and panic are my enemies and that Job 1 is to keep them at bay. If I can do that, I can make good decisions, enjoy my time with my family and friends, and function. I am doing a pretty good job of it at the moment. But let me backtrack, and keep you all up to date.

Thanks to everyone for showing up at Angry Hour. That was a great time, and I appreciated that we can put down some alcohol even under the worst of circumstances. Monday, I went into the hospital for a little procedure, a needle biopsy. They knocked me out and Dr. Welander pulled a sample from an orange-sized (!!) tumor located just on the other side of my vagina. He told Kyle and Mom that he was confident that he got a good poke and that the results would be back Tues or Wed from the lab.

Tuesday afternoon, I get Doctor W. on the phone, and he says. "the biopsy was benign." He is still confident that there is cancer there, just not any in his needle. This sounds like good news but all it really is is confusing.

At this time I am hanging in there just fine, and looking forward to formulating the next step in whipping cancer.

This idea was roundly thumped when I went to interview Dr. Welander's replacement, Dr. Hyde. I was interested in what the younger doctor thought and what he would recommend that I do. Do I get a laparoscopy to confirm the diagnosis? What chemo should I do? Same as before or different? How do we attack it this time?

Dr. Hyde does not really talk about attacking it this time....he talks about quality of life....less chemo so that I can enjoy the time I have left and words like "incurable" and "small odds that any chemo will have any impact at all." He suggested that I find a clinical trial. You may have noticed this, but the entire earth started shaking right then and did not stop for two days. I was also shaking for two days, so the vertigo was incredible. I was preparing for a jury trial, and could not read the transcripts....could not sit at the computer, could not actually do anything that required concentration. I started to worry that I would never regain my equilibrium.

I raced to the beach, and began to stabilize. Thanks to the unyielding support of Kyle, Helene, Tom, Karen, Martha, a few pods of dolphins and about a million other people, I started breathing, smiling, laughing and prepping my jury.

Sunday night I got a little stitch in my side. It felt like an exercise kind of knot and it actually felt oddly good to have a "normal" ache and pain. Well, it felt a little less good all day Monday, and just lousy this morning when I woke up with an invisible knife stuck in my side. My first thought---dammit, my jury is tomorrow, I don't have time for this. Well, I could barely move, so I made an appt with Dr. Hyde for the afternoon.

Fast forward to doctor's appointment -- Dr. Hyde pokes and prods my ribs and declares that he does not think that there is anything wrong with the bone. He hypothesizes that one of the growths on the liver has adhered to my diaphragm causing pain when I breathe deeply. He hopes that this will resolve itself as I take over the counter anti-inflammatories. Okay. That does not sound so bad. Let's hope it works.

Meanwhile I am looking forward to Thursday so that I can begin to put together my upcoming schedule? Will I be working? How much? When will I have chemo? Will I be in a clinical trial? Should I seek treatment out of town? Once I get these things sorted out, I can start planning for work, travel, visits with family and friends and hopefully just a lot of relaxed time doing fun things.

Thanks for the cards, flowers, gifts, phone calls, prayers and warm thoughts. Each one touches me profoundly. More to come after the next appointment.....hugs to you all.

Update and invite.

2010-08-05T15:30:00.000-04:00

Got an appointment at UVA on Aug. 19th. More details will follow after that.

I would like to invite anyone interested to Fan House for an "I'm really angry" happy hour tomorrow(Friday) at 6:30. 2526 Floyd Avenue, Richmond, VA 23220. Let's be surly together over snacks and cocktails. Feel free to let me know if you plan to come so that I can give the poor folks there some warning.

Can't wait to be bitter with all of you.

Bad News

2010-08-05T06:22:00.000-04:00

Hello, gang, or as my doctor's office would say: Esther's elves. I had been having some small but creepily reminiscent pains, so I moved up my cat scan and met with Dr. Welander today. There are new growths low in my abdominal cavity. They are very small. Dr. Welander will do a quick procedure to biopsy one of them on Monday, so that he can confirm what we suspect. The cancer has likely returned. The course of treatment will be a new round of chemotherapy. I have called UVA to get an appointment with the big macher, up there to get a second opinion about treatment. I may switch to UVA -- we will see.

This is, of course, terrible news. Dr. Welander said once that recurrence usually happens between 18 months and 4 years. I did not make it 4 months. This cancer is as persistent as I am! But, chemo licked it once and I expect it will do so again.

Personally, I am just floored. I really did expect to get a couple years of normal time before I had to deal with this again. I am not looking forward to the next regimen, but I will fight it with all I have.

As always, thanks to all of you.

Whew.....

2010-05-11T18:43:00.000-04:00

Well, things are going great for me these days. I feel terrific after finishing chemo 5 weeks ago. I am running much better than I was, sleeping without assistance and have not been troubled by those, oh so entertaining hot flashes. I got another CAT scan last week, and I am clear, clear, clear. Thus, I do not see Dr. Welander again until August. I really feel quite normal, and that is a welcome change.

Word has it that Dr. Welander is leaving Labor Day, so I really am going to need to make some decisions this summer about continuing care, but I don't plan on doing it today.

My mom and I want to thank all of you for your kind, caring and generous support during this rough time, so we are throwing you a TeamSter thank you party. It will be from 2-6 on June 12, 2010 at 2709 Seminary Ave. I will be working on the evite tonight, but if you do not get one within the next week, please let me know by responding to this blog with your email address, and I will happily add you to the invite list. This party will be family friendly, and I cannot wait to see you all.

Don't forget about Mary and Carrie's bike ride (see below).

Much love and gratitute,

Esther

Five TeamSter Shirts, two coolers, a 192 mile bike race and an American goldfinch in a pear tree

2010-04-08T20:23:00.001-04:00

Dear friends:

It has been about 10 days since the final chemo. I feel mostly fine with a few moments of ick in between (soft-feeling teeth, tickly nose, etc). My friends allergies looks worse, so I won't complain.

The final 10K amount was $4,039 for Massey Cancer. Thanks to my great neighbor Josh for putting us over the top in memory of his mother.

Speaking of fundraising, many of you know Mary and Carrie, two of my outstanding friends. Mary and Carrie are going to ride (on bikes) 192 miles in two days to raise money for cancer research in the Pan-Mass Challenge. The PMC raises and donates more money to charity than any other athletic fundraising event in the nation. The PMC generated half of the Jimmy Fund's annual revenue. Nearly 3,000 people volunteer with the PMC year-round to support the August ride. What is great is that 100% of the donations go to support and fund cancer research at the Dana Farber Cancer Institute (Harvard's Massey Cancer twin). Your money does not pay the administrative costs - the riders do - so 100% of your donation truly helps cure cancer. You can find out about the ride generally at www.pmc.org. and donate on each of their pages:

Carrie - http://pmc.org/profile/CG0143
Mary - http://pmc.org/profile/ML0184

Thanks in advance to all my generous friends.

Moving along, when I was first diagnosed, someone sent me some games for the wii. I thought it was my brother, but he denies it. Please let me know who you are so I can thank you properly. Also, someone dropped off a book about juicing, I would like to return it. Lastly, there is a bright yellow/orange cooler on my back porch that needs to go back home.

Conversely, I am missing my medium sized blue playmate cooler, and my pyrex scallop-sided 11x14 baking dish with blue lid. Please come home, mom misses you.

This morning and yesterday afternoon, I sat on my back porch and was just awestruck by the beauty of my neighborhood. The frog in my pond was croaking, the sky was streaked with fire-light, and a bright yellow American Goldfinch warbled from among the crazy pink blossoms of my pear tree. What an amazing moment. How lucky we are to be surrounded by so much beauty every day. A real stop and smell the roses moment. I commend it to all of you. (maybe not all at once in my backyard, but you get my drift).

I have been running (well, limping along) more lately. I am committed to doing a half-marathon in the fall. Would anyone like to train with me? It seems impossible to me, too. That is the allure of it. Let me know.

As things get closer to normal, I wanted to say a special thank you to Kyle. I have put on the brave face throughout this ordeal, and doing so seems honest to me. I never wanted to be a k'vetcher. However, not every day has been easy, and it has been Kyle who has brought me a river of green tea, stayed in with me on nights that he would rather have gone out, traveled to Richmond when his back hurt to sit in the car, on and on. Very quietly and without any fanfare, Kyle held my hand through this whole lousy thing. Thank you, honey.

Sitting next to me here are the last five TeamSter t-shirts. 3 women's large, 1 men's large and 1 men's XL. Let me know if you would like them. $15.00 a pop.

I have a cat scan and a doctor's appointment next month, but until then I just plan on enjoying the Spring, my friends and family, dog, and feeling better every single day. Thank you all for your support. Support of me, of all the causes and of each other.

Last one!

2010-03-30T07:06:00.000-04:00

Thanks to TeamSter for a terrific 10K day. We had a total blast, everyone finished (well, not all of Doug's breakfast, tee hee), and enjoyed a joyous pizza party back out the house in the afternoon sun. We raised $3959.00 for Massey Cancer. If you were planning to donate, I think you still can. Thanks to everyone who donated. I know who you are and you make my heart swell with pride and affection. Special thanks to my friend Jill who I had not seen in 11 years who traveled down from Maryland to visit and run. It was wonderful to spend time with her and we are looking forward to doing it again soon.

Today is my last scheduled chemo, and I am so jazzed. I declare this the summer of feeling better by the minute. I am going to feel so great, none of you will be able to stand me, all that crowing and all.

I actually still have that pesky cough, but I expect to get in front of it soon. I have been working very hard, it looks like my practice is, well, back. Thank goodness on one hand and damn, I work a lot, on the other. I am happy to be returning to my normal schedule. I plan to work out a lot more, so if any of you want to go for a bike ride, run or play some really bad tennis, please schedule something with me. There will also be lots of laying around at the beach. Hope to see many of you there too.

Thanks as always for your unflagging support. I love my Team.

Home Stretch!!!!!

2010-03-21T19:25:00.000-04:00

Well, gang. I have been feeling great lately (until I got a cold a few days ago, but it is going away). I have a big chemo on Tuesday and a small one the Tuesday after that. And then, drum roll please, I am done. I am going to dance a jig, work in my garden, take some trips, and breathe deeply of this wonderful life. Saturday is the 10K and I will be slogging (happily) through it. Then everyone back to my house for make your own pizzas! We have raised over $3100.00 for Massey Cancer Center. Thank you to all of you. If you wish to make a donation, you still can using the button to your right ------->

Mom wants to throw a party for all my helpers, supporters, fans and friends. We have not come up with the superspectacular idea of where and how to have this fete, so we are open to all of your suggestions. I know this gang will put together a fabulous soiree. Please send me your thoughts.

Hugs to you all and see you on Saturday. Feel free to come and cheer on TeamSter!

Happy that it is March.

2010-03-10T07:37:00.001-05:00

These last few days of sunny, warm weather have immensely brightened my attitude. This week I am playing quasi hooky from work as it is Kyle's spring break. We will head to DC tomorrow for out of town fun.

This month's chemo was better than last month. I really think it is the weather. It just doesn't feel as bad when I can get out of the house and run or walk around. My sleep is more normal, and I am ecstatic about only having only one month left. Thereafter I will have another cat scan to see if there are any visible tumors. The doctor then pretty much indicated that if I wanted a laparoscopy for him to look himself, it would be up to me. I think that I would feel much better if he did that, so I will probably have a little surgery sometime late spring.

Thanks to everyone for supporting the 10K run. We have raised over $2,800.00 so far. For all runners, walkers and supporters, on race day, at 12 o'clock, I will have a make your own pizza party here at the house. Please let me know if you are planning to attend so that I can buy enough CHEESE! (It is good to run 6 miles, one can then eat with impunity). If you would like to make a donation to the Massey Cancer center in the name of TeamSter, here is the webpage http://run4massey2010.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=334121&lis=1&kntae334121=EE8F95C03C144B0DB12C868A4DB01BBE&supId=0&team=3631256

If you want to track how we are doing, click here -- http://run4massey2010.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=334121&lis=1&kntae334121=0D8F4D50ABC4497A869432321804B538&team=3631256

I hope you are all well, and thanks for keeping up with me.

Slogging through a chilly February

2010-02-27T08:06:00.000-05:00

Hiya, Gang.

After a week of feeling pretty good, I went back for a doctor's appointment on Monday. The labs showed normal numbers for me, so that was fine. My only complaint was that I was not sleeping well and the drug he had given me before was making me feel like a different person. He gave me a new drug call Effexor, which is commonly prescribed for depression, but has a side effect of diminishing hot flashes which may be the main cause of my sleeplessness. He said it would take a week to get the levels that would provide relief. So that night I took one, got queasy immediately and thrashed my way through the night.

When I awoke Tuesday, I was dizzy and my vision was a little blurry. Thankfully it was big chemo day, so mom was driving me to the hospital. I told the doc, no go on the Effexor, but he urged me to try it again, take only a half a pill at night and eating some food with it. I reluctantly agreed. The upside to this drug for me is that it demolished my voracious appetite -- I guess anti-depressants can trump steroids. I had to force myself to eat a bowl of cereal the next evening to take the pill. This happened for two more days (I think I lost 4 lbs this week). And I just felt lousy, and from someone already on chemo, that's saying something.

Thursday, I flew down to Florida, and on each flight, I made sure there was a barf bag in my sleeve with the Skymall mag. That was a first. I felt horrible arriving at Sylvia's house like a droopy puppy. She was very accomodating and understanding when I ate another bowl of cereal for dinner and went to bed at 8.

When I woke up 11 hours later, I felt like a new person. I ate, we walked around in the sun at the mall (bought two adorable little dresses) and watched US hockey dominate. Nice day. The weather here is mid sixties, so not quite warm enough to lay out, but lovely to walk around in.

Had another good sleep last night and am looking forward to moving forward toward Spring and the end of chemo in 4 1/2 weeks.

Thanks everyone for you kind words and your donations to the Massey Cancer Center. I am so proud of the Team. You not only inspire me, but from what people tell me we are all inspiring each other.

A simple what's happening

2010-02-18T07:44:00.001-05:00

Dear world:

Thanks always for your constant support. I am grateful for you. My training for the 10K has been spotty, but there is time yet to get into jogging shape. For all of you that are participating, fundraising and donating, I plan to have what I think will be a make your own pizza party that day. We can reward ourselves with carbs, cheese and beer. We have raised $2600.00 for the Massey Cancer Center and I hope that more will join the team and collect donations to hit the 5K mark.

Last's months chemo was difficult, I was feeling the effects for a full two weeks. I had a runny nose for that entire time. I blew my nose so much, I had a 5 day headache, and then was blessed with a fever blister for my efforts. As my friend Sandy said, "I guess cumulative meant cumulative." So I am not looking forward to the last two months, but since there are only two, I am keeping my eye on the prize --a healthy, activity filled warm Richmond spring.

Next weekend I will be visiting my Auntie in West Palm Beach. I am so hoping for good weather, I just need to cook for a few days next to a pool or the beach. I need to run outside. I need to wear sundresses. (I need to lose 10 pounds).

Take care of yourselves. Don't eat chemicals in your food. Spoil your loved ones and I will see you soon.

Chemo update

2010-01-31T07:23:00.001-05:00

I received the beginning of month 4 chemo on Tuesday, and my numbers were all just a touch low, so that was good, and chemo went fine. The nice ladies knitted me this swell cap, and I remind all you knitters, quilters, etc, that the infusion center would love your donations.

I feel a little lousy, as usual, but nothing unbearable. The symptoms do seem to be changing month to month. I have a sore throat, runny nose, achy eyes and that metallic feeling in my teeth and blood. Oh, and my hamstrings are sore. My hair is feeling brittle, although I am not complaining, since I still have it. After Tuesday's small infusion, I will be 2/3 done and looking forward. I have been more regular at the gym lately and that has made me feel much better.

Speaking of gym, I am so proud of TeamSter, we have raised over $2150.00 for Massey Cancer and that is terrific. Secretly I am hoping to top 5K, so keep up the good work. I would love to have everyone join to at least walk it. It is good for you, and fun.

I also have the last of the TeamSter t-shirts. In the women's, I have 2 mediums and 5 larges (they are true to size, so that larges are not huge at all), and in the mens's: 1 large, 3 XLs, and 1 XXL. They are fifteen dollars each and come in a rainbow of colors called teal. There are pix of the shirt earlier in the blog if you have not seen them.

Thanks for your ongoing support.

A nickel in my pocket.

2010-01-22T06:43:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking these past few days about how to explain how it felt to get such positive news on Wednesday. (This is a corny analogy, but it is the best I can do.) Imagine that you have a good luck nickel in your pocket. When you are happy you walk down the street flipping it in the air, when you are scared, you clutch it in your pocket, when you are hopeful, you rub it for luck. You are calmed just knowing it is there, and you keep it with you always. It is, quite simply, a constant part of your life. Then one day, (diagnosis day), your nickel is taken from you. You go through your days and you do okay, but everything feels a little different without it. You reach into your pocket out of habit, day in and day out and feel off balance every time you pull your hand out, without your companion nickel.

Well, on Wednesday, it feel like someone gave me my nickel back, and I can really start living my life again without this gnawing sense of loss. I know that there is still a long road ahead and the probability of future nickel-stealing. But for right now, my equilibrium is restored, and the relief is overwhelming. I hope that helps to understand how I have been feeling.

On a sad note, Kelley died yesterday. Her memorial will be Sunday afternoon. I have felt a little guilty about being so happy at a time of such sadness, but as I have been reminded, Kelley would be happy for me. Her memory will accompany me always.

Thanks for the overwhelming show of support this week. Go TeamSter.

Your prayers, wishes, love, generosity and hope is working.

2010-01-20T17:46:00.012-05:00

So today, I presented at the hospital for my CT scan. This scan will show growths larger than 1cm. I had to drink 3 bottles of vanilla flavored contrast (barium). I had been dreading this cocktail, but it was not bad at all and I chugged my three bottles at the appropriate time. I went to the CT room which is a large room, kept at freezing with a huge donut looking machine in the middle. With a little table in the donut hole. The insides of the machine can get very hot so they keep the room really cold. Human beings be damned.

They tried to put in an IV in my arm and, shocker, missed the jumpy vein. He then picked one on the back of my hand -- got the needle in but left me with a nasty bruise. The guy walks away and the bed starts moving my midsection through the tube and out again. Then, very surprisingly, this loud disembodied deep HAL voice says, "Inhale. Hold your breath" Machine moves, then "Exhale" This happens numerous times and it is never anything but totalitarian-sounding and quite comical.

I am out of CT after about 20 minutes of submitting to HAL and ran some much needed errands. Unfortunately, of all the instructions the CT people give you, none saw fit to mention that the four contrast drinks that I downed were a strong LAXATIVE. It did become very clear while standing in the Barnes and Noble (and wretchedly, in the Target). Very funny, HAL.

So then, I return to Dr. Welander's office. My exam goes fine, as per usual, he does not feel anything funny. The results of the CT are: Clear, Clear Clear. No metastases found. There were a few cysts that Dr. W says is normal. But the bladder cyst has at the very least shrunk, and at best is gone. We now have a baseline to look at in the future to compare. I will finish the chemo and then we can decide how best to stay on top of what is going on inside in the future.

Speaking of the future. Dr. W really likes the 3 day work week. He has not picked a final day and has appts scheduled through the summer. I am thrilled about this. Hell, right now I am thrilled about everything.

For the Richmond Crew, we are gathering at Northside Grill at 7:30 to celebrate this news. Please join me. And thanks again, see what you did...all your prayers and hoping and giving and loving have, at least for now, saved me. There are not words for how grateful and humbled I am. See you tonight, I hope.

10K info

2010-01-16T21:33:00.003-05:00

I just registered our team for the 10K. TeamSter, of course. You can join the Team and raise money for the Massey Cancer Center at https://www.kintera.org/faf/r/default.asp?ievent=334121&lis=1&kntae334121=233B497DCDEA442BBBF377599DECF0F8

You can join TeamSter just to donate-- to just make a team donation, use this website and pick general donation or a runner to sponsor on the team http://run4massey2010.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=334121&lis=1&kntae334121=0D8F4D50ABC4497A869432321804B538&team=3631256. You do not need to be here or to run. If you do want to run or walk you must register with the Sportsbackers to participate in the race. http://www.sportsbackers.org/ Your registration does not include any sort of donation.

I have signed up for wave PA - 60 minutes, but I have no idea how I will do this year. For out of towners, let me know who is coming and we will try to get hotel rooms together or put you up at various houses.

Fun, fun!

Still Amazed

2010-01-16T08:22:00.001-05:00

Another week passes and I am dumbstruck again by the kindness of others. As many of you may recall, I have a friend Kelley who has been battling ovarian cancer for three years. I received a call a few days ago from her husband informing me that Kelley's mom had made me a quilt after hearing of my diagnosis. Yesterday I went by their house to pick it up. It is a happy pink quilt with frogs and dogs and other cheerful things on it. She signed it "Kelley's mom." Unfortunately, Kelley is at home under hospice care and I am so sad and angry that this has happened to her. She recognized me, but really was not able to speak much. I am very grateful to have had a brief visit with her. Any prayers, good vibes, or positive wishes would be much appreciated in her household and I ask you to send them her way.
Then I went for lunch with M&C and M, colleagues of my and ex-officemates. We had a lovely lunch after which I was just stunned to receive a gift card from a number friends in the legal community for Chef Maura, who delivers meals. The amount on the card was just staggering. I once bought a car for less. To all of you who contributed to that wonderful gift, thank you so much.

Last week also, I got a note from an old college roommate. She is coming down from Maryland to run the 10K and hopes that more of our sorority sisters will join us. I am excited and thrilled at the prospect of seeing some folks that I have not seen in 20 years and to raise some money for Massey Cancer at the same time. I hope to see you all at the 10k and we'll have some get-together right after to put all the calories right back on.

Sometimes I feel like my heart is not quite big enough to handle all the love that is being pumped into it. Thankfully, it grows to accommodate.

I am finally feeling normal again. I guess this is what they mean by cumulative. I don't actually feel worse. I just feel kinda lousy for longer. This month's new disgusting side effect is little white sores on my tongue. Thankfully there were only there for 2 days, but it did cause me to lisp in a comic way.

My thoughts have not strayed far from the people of Haiti for whom the future, both immediate and long term, must seem impossible and desperate. But the world seems to be reaching out to them like you have reached out to me, and hopefully we can help alleviate that suffering.

I will blog after the scan on Wednesday and hopefully deliver some good news.

Musings

2010-01-11T17:49:00.000-05:00

Well, it has been a rough week. Feeling gross much of the time. Nothing over the top, but I think the constancy makes is difficult. I should be feeling better in the next few days. Kyle and Lola have been very comforting and helpful. There should be some karmic payback for them.

As you know, my CT scan is a week from Wednesday, and I went from being excited and happy about getting some kind of update to absolutely terrified. Flat out scared. It will be just awful if Dr. W looks at me and starts with, "I have some bad news for you..." I will be hard pressed to handle more bad news. My instincts tell me that things are going well, but I am still on pins and needles. For those of you that have been through this, an insider trick about getting mentally prepared for diagnostics would be appreciated.

Meanwhile, lets get ready for the 10K. Everybody sign up! http://www.sportsbackers.org/ and add a couple extra dollars to your registration fee for the Massey Cancer Center. Out of towners, come for the fun, we will put you up for the night. Everyone can do this.....my mom was a huge success last year. Let me know who is walking/running and maybe we can put together a little event.

Thanks for keeping up with me. I appreciate it.

Halfway through this course of chemo

2010-01-06T07:53:00.001-05:00

Dear Team:

Yesterday was a really happy day for me as I completed the third set of chemo treatments. I am currently scheduled for 6 months, so if things do not change, we are on the right side of that hump. My numbers yesterday were a mixed bag. White blood cells were NORMAL. check that out -- so I celebrated with a much missed manicure/pedicure which had been previously frowned upon. I had been feeling ungroomed and that is so, well, unEsther.

My hemoglobin is still low, and I am still trying to pack myself with iron. All the shrimp, oysters and green leafys are seeming to get the job done. One of the liver numbers is back to normal, the other is high. Go figure.

I have been feeling that unique combination of pretty good with a healthy side of gross. I have been exercising dligently since returning from the beach and believe that it is helping. There are days I can run, and days that I cannot make further than a half mile. This will not prevent me from doing the 10k though. Who is with me?

I have scheduled my first CT scan for Jan 20th. On that day, I will drink some supernasty contrast liquid, and the doctor will get to to look around inside of me for growths. He said that he will see anything that is 1cm or bigger. Since he left a 2cm tumor on my bladder, we should get some sense if the chemo is helping and if so, how quickly. If there are more tumors, then we have a new set of problems. I am really looking forward to having the information. I, of course, will share it with you.

Happy New Year and may this one be a real winner for us all.

Thanks again for the cards and calls and visits. I am rich beyond measure.

Mission accomplished (without the parachute)

2009-12-29T15:43:00.001-05:00

The numbers came back high enough to get chemo. The hemoglobin had the largest increase, so my iron regimen must be doing some good. The liver numbers went down a little but were still in the high range. I will be back to drinking immediately. The white blood cells were up out of the "alert" range, but still low.

Dr. Welander lowered the amount of Gemzar that I am getting based on my body's recovery rate. He said that we can either keep the amounts the same, and leave more time between the treatments or lower the doses and stay on the schedule. Studies do not indicate that either route is more effective than the other. So he would prefer to keep me on schedule.

We will schedule a CAT scan for my abdomen in a few weeks and see if we can discern if there are any new tumors, if the old one(s) are still there, or shrinking. The results of this could change the plan, of course, and I am looking forward to getting the info.

I will be headed for Hatteras for the New Year, and I am looking forward to it, too. I will keep you all updated as we go. Thanks for all the cards and support. As you know, it is the fuel that keeps me going. (and chocolate and rice pudding).

itty bitty post

2009-12-28T14:30:00.002-05:00

For those of you waiting to find out if my numbers improved, we won't know until the morning. I am assuming the best.

Mostly good stuff (a little bad)

2009-12-23T07:37:00.002-05:00

So, I went to the doctors office yesterday, and was just fawned over. Betty, the nurse, informed me that our donations were delivered, Saturday, in the snow (!) by the nursing staff to TEN families, who were just stunned and grateful. I was handed 3 thank you cards for all of us from some recipients. One detailed her fight against cancer -- she has finished chemo and is doing well. What a hopeful note to receive.

On the down side, my numbers were not at all good. My hemoglobin continues to drop and if it does not get better by next week, chemo will be postponed (No, No, No!). I guess the only thing worse than having chemo is not having chemo. So I am boosting iron intake...green leafy vegetables, beans. I am even considering meat, but it is grossing me out, so I don't know what to do about it. My white blood cells were at "alert" levels on the lab sheet, confirmed by the little cut on my finger that was still bleeding 2 days later. In addition, I had some oddly elevated liver numbers, too. Doc W says this is often caused by a drug interaction, but I haven't really taken anything that should cause that. So I am ditching alcohol and trying to stay away from the pain killers to see if I can bring that back into line. Dammit, this is not fitting my vision of being a wonder patient.

All this talk of blood brings me to a phone call I received yesterday. The blood bank called, seeking a donation. Now, as many of you know, I used to be a prolific blood donor, making apheresis donations several times a year. (My blood was missing a virus that naturally occurs in adults so my blood could be used for babies. That always made me feel terrific.) Naturally, I informed the lady that Virginia Blood Services would no longer be wanting my blood. So they're down one donor. Perhaps TeamSter can pick up the slack. It is an easy way to give to people in need that doesn't cost a cent. In fact, you come out ahead with a V-8 and some fig newtons. If anyone is inclined, please call them at (804) 359-5100 to schedule an appointment. If you get down there, let me know so I can spread the good word that our silver lining work is, well, working.

This is giving me a great idea for a little festival in the spring with a blood drive included. Let me think about it. More details to follow.

Merry Christmas, and happy holidays....Give all your loved ones an extra hug, and in the words of my three year old niece, "I love you with all the cookies in my heart."

The silver lining

2009-12-20T10:53:00.003-05:00

As you know, the nurses in my doctor's office called to advise TeamSter that there were families of the very ill that were in need this holiday season. After I blogged the need and Helene send out an email, we were deluged with your generosity.

Last week, while Kyle and I were enjoying the beauties of Savannah and Charleston, Helene, Al and Karen delivered 30, yes, 30 bags of food and over $1200 dollars worth of gift cards to local grocery stores. Paradise Diner (in the Stratford Hills shopping center) added holiday dinners for all the families. Good work, friends.

Although I would obviously love not to have gotten Cancer, the upside has been the opportunity to see everyone around me at their best, over and over again. It is adding so much meaning to my life, and I hope to yours too.

As far as I am concerned, this month was rougher than last month. I was dogged with chemo symptoms for about 10 days. Nothing too terrible, still, but a general feeling of lousiness. This week, I have been plagued with headaches.

Chemo-sick is such a weird thing. It lives in the nose, with a little metallic tickle that leaves me shaking my head and snorting like a horse (hopefully when no one is looking). My teeth feel loose in my head and my eyes can ache. It is just very odd. But, I feel good right now and enjoyed shoveling snow yesterday. Today is chili and football. One of the finest things in life (next to 30 bags of groceries and a stack of gift cards).

Thanks again for all your well wishes, prayers and kindnesses. They are gifts that I never forget.

Action Alert!!!!

2009-12-10T16:18:00.003-05:00

Dear TeamSter:

We have been called into action. Helene received a phone call from the nurses at my doctor's office. Apparently there are some people in need. There are four families in desperate straits. One family has already lost a family member, and I believe the others are not likely to survive the holidays. These people and their families are struggling mightily and are in need of FOOD. Can you imagine, suffering through the final stages of cancer and being worried about where your family's next meal will come from? For those of you who have been looking for an opportunity to contribute this holiday season in your own community, I think it just walked up and knocked.

Time is essential. These items must be delivered to the Drs. office by Wednesday. So, for those of you inclined to give, please bring to me by Sunday night, food and/or gift cards for grocery stores. You can deliver to Helene by Tues night. We will get them to those families who really need them. Thank you in advance to the most generous friends a girl could have. Please pass this on to everyone that you think could help.

Love, e.

2009-12-09T16:53:00.002-05:00

Hiya Gang:

Just a little update. It is Wednesday afternoon and I finished month 2 of chemo yesterday. This month was a bit rougher than the last in that I felt pretty lousy Monday and Tuesday. Apparently my low day is Day 6 from the big drip. It is hard to describe, but basically, it feels like one's body is not functioning. The whole thing....queasy, nose drippy, headache-y, exhaustion, sore eyeballs, etc. Imagine if someone blew a bunch of scratchy insulation into every empty space in your body, and you would get the idea. I am not trying to be a complainer. In fact, I still feel quite lucky that it is not worse, but I did want to share with you what it is like. Next month, I think that I am going to just try and sleep through the bad day.

Speaking of sleeping, I got some sleeping pills, and god bless pharmaceuticals. I have been sleeping for 8-9 hours and loving it.

I hope the holiday season is proving meaningful for you all, and I hope that you get to spend lots of quality time with the people that matter.

More updates as they occur....

Low impact update

2009-12-02T17:56:00.002-05:00

Had my infusion yesterday. The port made it much easier, although it is very weird to get stuck by a needle in your upper chest. It has the specter of a horror movie when the nurse approaches you with the needle actually pointing at you. Quite unsettling. But much better than the try to get a vein in my arm, miss, apologize, try again, miss apologize more, get a supervisor, try the other arm, etc.

All my numbers went back up to their normal range except for the hemoglobin which is still dropping. I am told that this is not abnormal, but if it gets much lower they may need to give me a drug to help with that...thereafter, it is transfusion time.

I feel fine and am enjoying my return to normalcy. I am in court, in the jail, in my office, at the gym...I am back to my normal life and schedule and it feels great. I still get cards daily and I love them. Thanks so much. More news later.

Nothing exciting

2009-11-24T18:44:00.002-05:00

I (thankfully) do not have much to report. Went to see the doctor today, and I am doing fine. He checked my port and my surgical scar and a few other places on me, and all is well. He actually used a child sized port for me, since my skin was so taut. 43 years old -- ha! My numbers look good, but my hemoglobin is still dropping (not unusual), so I am now taking an iron supplement. Low hemoglobin can make a person tire faster since the blood does not hold as much oxygen to distribute to the rest of the body. I seem to be doing okay, so no worries.

I am excited to see my friends and family for this Thanksgiving season. I have so very much to be thankful for....I am still receiving cards in the mail every day, and if I have not thanked you personally for your kind thoughts and gifts, please know that I am touched by them all. I just fell behind in the thank-you department. Please forgive me.

Today my friend, C, stopped by with two of her charming chatterbox daughters and we had a lovely visit. She heard my name mentioned on a church's prayer list (Thank you, J) and thought "That can't be my Esther Windmueller, she's Jewish!" We had a lovely visit with the promise of more. Lola just tore around the house with little girls in tow.

I am so fortunate to get to see all the people around me at their best, just shining with kindness and concern. What a wonderful display, over and over. I hope you all have as much to be thankful for as I do, and give everyone an extra hug this season. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.

Home with my brand new shiny port

2009-11-18T17:40:00.002-05:00

Gang:

Short update. I had a little surgery today so that Dr. Welander could insert a port for easier delivery of chemo drugs. It was a short surgery; I was sedated, but not put under general anesthesia. The surgery itself took about 20 minutes. I woke feeling fine, but have had a headache and tiredness for the rest of the day. The site is pretty sore. I cannot lift anything of any weight with my left hand and can make no grand sweeping gestures. How in the world am I supposed to talk without being able to wave my arms wildly??? Otherwise, I am just fine, and looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Thanks for all the love.

Chemo, take II

2009-11-11T07:28:00.002-05:00

So, I went back for chemo yesterday (no wait, infusion, my infusion, yesterday), and needed two needle sticks to get a vein. The nurses seemed exasperated that my doctor is conservative about port installation. They took lab work and my numbers were low. These numbers are white blood cell, hemoglobin and neurocrits (??). If your numbers are low, you cannot get chemo. Mine were close, so they called the doc and he authorized the chemo (infusion, darnit) anyway. So, after two anti-nauseal drips, I started the small bag of Gemzar that rounds out my monthly dose. A few minutes later my arm started to burn. We notified the nurse who practically ran across the room to remove the chemo drug, and then she flushed my arm with saline. After the phlebitis from last week, they are very concerned about damaging the vein. In short, my arm veins cannot handle the toxicity of the infusion. We tried to schedule the little surgery for today to put in the port so I could get the rest of the drug, but there was no opening.

Therefore, I have a little surgery scheduled for next Wednesday to get a port put in, and we are just going to skip this infusion so as not to have to push back the next big infusion on December 1. A port is a tiny volcano shaped piece of plastic that is surgically placed under the skin on the side of one's chest under the collarbone. There is a little tube that is strung into the vein leading into the heart (the tube is leading, because as we all know veins carry blood away from the heart). When I come for infusions, etc they will just stick the needle in the little volcano hole and the drugs will go straight into that big mixing bowl, the heart. Those veins are much stronger, there is much more blood to immediately absorb the chemo, so less chance of vein damage.

While I was there, the nurse, Barb, checked my chart and exclaimed, "oh, we haven't done the fun thing yet." I looked at her pretty quizzically and remarked that "fun" and "infusion center" don't really go together in my mind. She waggled a finger at me and left the room. She returned with a beautiful blue crocheted shawl for me "a prayer shawl, hope wrap, blessing blanket, whatever you like." She explained that the nurses, some nursing homes, some churches, etc. knit these wraps with healing and warm thoughts for the particular patient who is to receive it - to let you know that someone is thinking about you and praying for you. Isn't that wonderful. Mom left with patterns to start knitting...she may make it a project for her Hadassah chapter. So for my knitting, crocheting, quilting friends, feel free to contact Barb at the infusion center, 804/764-7930.

Pay it forward.

Little update

2009-11-08T19:35:00.002-05:00

So, after Tuesday, I spent all week waiting for the shoe to drop...to start feeling really awful, and thank goodness, it never happened. I have felt vaguely lousy the whole time. A little nauseous, a little woozy, a little achy, somewhat sleepless, irregular, etc. I am thankful that I was not catapulted into an overwhelming bout of illness, but feeling not right all the time is a challenge. I had a vision, I guess, that I would be really sick for a few days and then wake up and be fine again. This does not appear to be the case. I just feel kinda lousy and off kilter all the time. Last night my arm started to hurt, and today it appeared well, hard and a little larger. So I called the doc, and he told me that I have phlebitis, inflammation of the vein. Not a big deal, but another side effect. Hopefully the heating pad will take care of it.

My appetite is good, and I am positive about the process. One down, eleven to go.

It has been great to see you all and know how many people have been following the blog. What a wonderful community. Thanks, all.

Chemo 101

2009-11-04T04:11:00.008-05:00

Sorry that I did not post earlier this evening, but I could not get off the phone. Thanks for all the concern.

Here is what chemo is like. You go to a regular old doctor's office, or rather, an infusion clinic. You sit in the waiting room with the predictable magazines. Then, in my case, you are led to a little room that looks like your doctors examining room. There is a bed, two chairs, and the ubiquitous grey cabinets (these have locks, though -- needles, drugs).

First they take a blood sample to check if you are healthy enough for the treatment. Chemo suppresses the immune system so one must have certain levels of white blood cells and stuff to begin. One sits in the room for 1/2 hr to an hour waiting for these results. It took a little longer for me, as I am a tough needle stick and it took the nurses 4 tries to get the tube in. If we have those same problems next week, I may end up with a port after all. Apparently, my veins, although visible, jump away from the needle at the second of insertion. I have wary veins.

During this time, they explain the drugs I will be receiving and their possible side effects. I am also given a booklet with information on the drugs, pamphlets on eating with recipes, instructions and info on chemo generally, and lastly a wig and scarf catalog from the American Cancer Society. Some of them are pretty cute actually. Hopefully, I won't find out firsthand. It is lacking the Marilyn Monroe and Cleopatra models that I was favoring.

Anyway, I will be taking two anti-nauseals. One is Dexamethasone, and the other is called Zofran. With each there is a long list of possible side effects, some are the exact opposites of the others...Diarrhea and Constipation, increased hunger (one is steroid) and loss of appetite, sleeplessness, fatigue, etc. The chemo drugs have similar and totally conflicting lists as well. It is like the roulette wheel of feeling crummy. So we will see.

My blood work came back and my nurse said that I am "perfect." It is about time that someone noticed. The nurses seem so excited to be working with a really healthy person, almost giddy. They keep saying, "Oh, you will be fine." I wonder what they are saying to the other folks....

So they start dripping one and then the other anti nauseals....the Zofran makes me a little light headed.

Next, Dr. Welander stops by and he is the consummate professional, of course, giving me lots of instructions on managing the prescriptions that he is giving me and general advice. Both prescriptions are anti-nausea meds, since both my chemo drugs are known for it. Lovely. Guess it is a good thing I got my hair cut short... Oh yeah, and the constipation. Yippee.

The nurses are a tricky lot. When I am talking to the doc, they switch over to the chemo drugs, so you don't actually get freaked out by the precise moment that they start. This is wise. There is a fairly devastating moment when they put the needle into you (4x). I think that it is the defining moment in becoming a cancer patient/fighter. It is also facing this super scary thing, right up there with the rat hat in 1984. In most of life, if we do not like what is happening we can walk away. There are consequences, sure, but if we REALLY wanted to, we could leave. We could leave our careers, friends, family, where we live, what we do with our lives. Well, if I want to live, I have no choice but to put this poison (no, cancer fighting agents, cancer fighting agents) into my previously well cared for body. I have no choice. This is tough for independent adults. Perhaps that is why it might be a little easier for kids in some way. They are used to not having any choice in things and doing stuff because "it is good for you." At a certain points, adults generally say, "Forget it, I am just not going to do that." Except for this.

So then I sat there for another couple hours getting the drugs (Gemzar and carboplatin). One gave me a nose tickle and a little cottony feeling in my head like the precursor to the flu. It wasn't bad, but it lasted through the evening. The nurses stress that everyone is different, but they would predict that Friday will be my rough day. I am feeling pretty positive. What's a little nausea between friends?

I did find out that the reason that I am having chemo twice a month is because it was too much drugs to take in one day. Next week will take much, much less time...

Changing subjects, I am entertaining the notion of trying to get a second doctor as a consult that will help with continuity when I change docs in the spring. I am hoping that you all, my great collective community, can ask your doctor and nurse friends, ovarian cancer survivors and family members a few questions for me.

1) Is is standard for an ovarian cancer patient to have both an oncologist and a gyn/onc, or just a gyn/onc?

2) Who is the best gyn/onc in 150 miles? (I want to compare Massey, UVA, Johns Hopkins, etc).

3) Who is the best oncologist treating my kind of case....

4) Did anyone have a doctor or treatment center that they really liked or did not like?

Thank you for passing around these questions, that will be of great help to me.

Thanks also for the food, cards and love that are still tumbling in. It is remarkable but I feel like the luckiest person...

I feel fine right now, except that I am awake when I should be asleep, so I am going to head back to bed (I hear the dog snoring), and catch up with you all later....

Next chapter

2009-11-03T07:03:00.003-05:00

Dear friends and family:

Today I start chemo. I am looking forward to facing this pretty scary thing and getting the uncertainty of it behind me. I am not looking forward to all the lousy stuff that goes with it.

Otherwise I am feeling fine. Went running again yesterday...apparently my recent surgery turned my legs into lead posts, but that will not deter me.

The house is looking great. Special thanks to D, J and B who were stellar painters. The soon to be dressing room is shiny and bright. A good thing these days, I think.

I had coffee yesterday with my friend, K, who is surviving breast cancer and has had her share of chemo. She was sharing with me lots of little things that no one else seems to tell you, even the load of books that I have read. She told me that the first time she pee'ed after chemo, it was bright red. Can you imagine that without any warning....thank goodness for K. She also gave me a little plaque that she had actually ordered for herself, and then decided that it was meant for me when it arrived. It says:

When you come to the edge of all the light you have known and are about to step out into the darkness, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen...There will be something to stand on or You will be taught to fly.

Very appropriate for today....I will have chemo on the first and second Tuesday of each month. I am not sure why the doc decided to double up on me, but I hope to have an answer today. Mom is going with me and I appreciate her steady presence for all of this.

I am committed to being as normal as possible during this process. I want to go to work daily, see my friends, exercise...do the things that make my life, well, my life. So I hope today really starts an exercise in ordinary except for a few hours spend at the doctor's office. Let's try to make that work.

More blogging as I go, stay tuned.

I'm back!

2009-10-27T18:58:00.006-04:00

Dear friends:

Since I last blogged, I have had many visitors, bearing remarkable gifts and good wishes. Donations have been made to the American Cancer Society, we had a little birthday party, I have driven a car and gone to the grocery store alone.

Last saturday, I went by the football field to see my old team play. I had a great time seeing my teamates and my girls won with an exciting defensive stand at the end. I was about to leave when I was presented with a football, signed by the team. I got teary, and had to be reminded that crazy defensive ends don't cry. I fought it down.

Kyle was here for the weekend and we had a grand time. He helped with the yard, which always improves my spirits. The folks at the CCJB chipped in an brought me a basket filled with goodies. I wore new pajamas to bed last night and woke up to a fresh crossword puzzle book. Delightful. Today, my gym buddies took me to lunch and I enjoyed it immensely.

But now it is time for the serious news, since I have just returned from the doctor's office. Dr. Welander examined me and found my recovery to be good and is allowing me reasonable exercise and activity. He said that I would be able to work, and go to the jail, and do all the things that I do. So, folks, I am SOOO back.

I will start chemo next week. He is planning to use two drugs , gemcitabine and carboplatin. I seem to be a little resistant to the carboplatin but not to the gemcitabine, so he is hoping the combo will be effective. He seems to think that I will tolerate these things well and, drum roll please, these drugs do not cause hair loss. That is unexpected good news. I will not even need someone to stay with me at night (he doesn't think).

My tumors are diploid which has the slowest division rate. This is thought to be encouraging.

The doc expects to do a scan on me, three months into chemo to see if the remaining tumors are reacting. So we won't have any super clear answers until then. He may even schedule a little surgery for me at the 6 month point to have a look around.

Now for the bad news, Dr. Welander is retiring. He will go to 3 day weeks at the end of November and retire completely in May. I asked him if he had really thought this thing through. The practice is bringing a new doctor in to replace him so we will have to meet him and decide what to do after this round of chemo. I am very saddened by this news, as I trust and respect Dr. Welander.

Thanks for all the kind thoughts, and perhaps, things can get a little more normal from here on out for a while. I will be seeing all of you soon in person (except if you have the flu, then stay away from me please).

Ready for the next step

2009-10-21T07:38:00.004-04:00

Dear friends:

I am still mostly at home, but I wander around the house without worrying too much about the stairs. I pick up small pots and pans, but not large ones. I go for walks but not runs. I feel like I could run a little, but will wait for doctor approval next Tuesday. I went out for Tuesday night cocktails last night at K64 and felt perfectly normal. Normal is a fantastic place to be.

I have set up a new work space in the house and I can comfortably write notes, blog, etc. I feel like a regular person and not the patient that I felt like last week.

I am eagerly awaiting the next consult with my doctor. I will then get a chemo schedule, I think, and can ask the questions that will determine whether I can work or not and how much. Which brings me to the topic of disability insurance. Thanks to my dear and recently departed friend Henry, I have been paying a fair amount of money for years and years on a disability policy that I never thought I would need. Thank God. If I must step away from work during this process, I am comforted by the thought that I will not be a financial burden to anyone. I will not be wealthy, but I will be covered. I also have a good life insurance policy. As we all know, no company would insure me now, so the trick is to buy this stuff well before you think you need it.

SO, all of you need to go look at your policies, talk to your employers, crunch the numbers and make sure that if your doctor says to you what mine said to me two weeks ago, you will not have the added stress of financial uncertainty. Stressed out people do not fare as well against cancer and probably every other frightening disease. So take care of these matters now. If you do not have a will, living will, etc, make an appointment to get one.

Sorry for the lecture, but I want some good things to come out of this experience. Thanks again for all the support, notes, flowers and gifts. I hope to see you all soon.

Moving forward

2009-10-17T08:54:00.005-04:00

Dear friends and family:

I hate to sound like a broken record but once again, I am left flabbergasted at the kindness, generosity and compassion of others. Let me tell you about my day yesterday, this may embarrass some people and I apologize, but it is a story that should be told.

The doorbell rings and it is another lovely flower arrangement. I open the card and it is from the law firm of C&N. Now, I am not friends with either C or N. I know who they are, and I say hello in the courthouse, but that is the extent of the relationship. The flowers just blew me away. In the mail, I got a number of cards including ones from offices in the legal community -- victim witness in Henrico, Judges from out of town, and gift cards from my friend K, who is battling ovarian cancer herself (go K).

In the evening my friend R stops by with a humongous piece of well, luggage, filled with cancer fighting things. This is from my friends at the sentencing commission. The picture at the top of the blog shows the stuff....candles, a throw, wine, chocolate, tea, organic juices, etc. Someone took some real time to put this together and I was just left dumbstruck by the kindness of it all.

At the same time, my friend C came by for a visit. She brought some organic tea and handed me a gift certificate to Ellwood Thompsons so that I could get the specific things that I wanted. I didn't even look at it, as I thanked her. After she left, I picked it up and was stunned to note that the gift was in the amount of $300. Holy cow. What friends I have. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Yesterday also, I got an email from my best friend...it reads as follows and I have never been prouder of her:

Hello, Team Ster! Many of you have asked what you could do for Esther, and I have an idea. While I was visiting Esther in the hospital last week, she and I talked about the wonderful amount of support she has received and how it has affected her. She told me that she has felt so loved and valued, and that the outpouring of care has frankly overwhelmed her. She then mentioned that she didn't know how someone could go through a diagnosis of ovarian cancer who did not have such a great support system. How much more difficult, she said, it would be to have little to no help or encouragement during such a time. This comment has resonated with me, and gave me an idea. So I contacted Esther's doctor's office and spoke to her nurse, Iva. I asked if she and the other nurses knew some patients who did not have a lot of support, and could use some words of encouragement and love. Iva called me back after checking with her office and said that there are about five patients that she and the other nurses know about who are more alone in the process, and could use support. Toward that end, and as a gift to Esther, I would like to ask you to send a card with a note of encouragement to one or more of these patients. For privacy reasons, we do not know their names, but if you wish, you could send a get well card to one or more to Iva's attention. She will see that they are delivered to the patients who need them. I'm going to send one, and thought I would say that my dear friend has recently been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and has begun her fight. My love and support go out to you during your fight as well, and every time I think of my friend I will also say a prayer for you. You have more help and support than you know. love, a friend Cards can be sent as follows: Patient Encouragement Card c/o Iva 5875 Bremo Road Suite G7 Richmond, VA 23226 Iva will then re-address them to the recipients and mail them out.

Okay, how great is that?...I will be buying cards for these women today. If you want to deliver cards or other items to me, I will be in the doctors office on the 27th and can deliver them then. Let's pay it forward.

Otherwise, I am doing very well. I take almost no pain drugs and went on my first outing yesterday to the Lowe's. I have guilted my brother into painting my new dressing room and we needed supplies. This house reorganization is going to be just wonderful. I made a yummy shitake mushroom, tofu, spinach hot and sour soup for dinner last night and, although I am really missing working up a good sweat, I feel really good about eating. This morning -- organic oatmeal with an organic apple. Thanks David.

I am planning to get my nails done today and that always makes me feel sharp and together. I am gearing up for the big Chiefs/Skins game tomorrow. May the least worst team win.

Thanks again. You folks inspire me.

2009-10-13T12:12:00.003-04:00

Dear friends:

I am happy to report that I am home and feeling just great. St. Mary's has some kind of crazy block on certain websites and I could not blog. Let me update you all.

Although surgery is not a good time, my time at the hospital was very good. The nursing staff at St. Mary's was excellent, and I was waited on hand and foot. There were some painful moments, but all and all hospital recovery was much better than I expected it to be.

I was cleared to leave this morning, and promptly did so (after the world's most enjoyable shower). I have a scar from my navel down. Everyone at the hospital just oohed and aahed over it as it is very straight and tight apparently a good piece of surgical work. My doctor is just great and apparently folks travel from across the state to have him operate on them. How fortunate that I ended up with him. He visited me every day, even on the weekends, in his starched white shirt and tight tie -- a soft spoken formal very professional guy --- he's kinda Craig-like, which is very comforting.

I weaned myself off the morphine yesterday and am on very little pain meds. I will be experimenting with my prescription and over the counters to see what I need, but again, I feel surprisingly well.

I want to thank everyone for all the kind thoughts and prayers. This is not a perfunctory thank you. I have been simply astonished at the well wishes that I have received. I have gotten notes and cards from staff in the Chesterfield CAs office, notes from my friends from my Israel trip in 1983 (!), notes from high school and college classmates, flowers from the little sister of a high school friend, flowers from some young lawyers, phone calls from, well, everyone. Hours of visits in the hospital and the 24/7 schedule of home care that Helene has put together. People around town are cooking special food for me, walking the dog and offering to do every manner of chore. I am simply overwhelmed by your kindness, generosity and innate goodness. Thanks to each and every one of you. I regret that I have not been able to respond to each communication, but I have cherished every one.

For those of you that sent flowers, please know that I left some back at the hospital to be given to patients that seemed to be alone. Know that your kindness is still giving.

So many people have offered to help, and I only need my lawn mowed but so many times, so after much thought I am adding the American Cancer Society donation page, https://www.cancer.org/aspx/Donation/DON_1_Donate_Online_Now.aspx?from=hpglobal, and the Conner's Heroes homepage, http://www.connorsheroes.org/, to this blog. If you are so inclined, and want to do something, please donate and take a swipe at cancer for everyone including me.

I have my next doctor's appointment in two weeks and will learn about my chemo regimen at that time. Until then, I am at home, getting stronger by the day. Feel free to stop by and visit with me knowing that you could be tossed out if I am tired. See you all soon.

Stepping Out

2009-10-10T14:16:00.003-04:00

The news continues to improve. Esther is feeling good today -- much better than any of us expected. She's alert and talkative (imagine!) and very optimistic. She walked to the end of the hall this morning. The nurse wasn't sure she would make it, but since she is on the same floor as the maternity wing and there are newborn babies at the of that hall, I was pretty sure she'd get there in record time.

Still no food yet, but perhaps tomorrow. Her room is full of flowers and balloons -- thanks to everyone who sent things.

Evelyn and I are catching up on our sleep. It's amazing how long you can go, snatching a couple of hours here and there. But after awhile, you do begin to forget what day it is. Good news, of course, is the best kind of energy drink and Esther's attitude and progress are keeping us energized.

With any luck, Esther will be home in a couple of days. She will probably be well enough to take this blog over tomorrow, so you'll be able to read all the details and emotions that you'll notice I have carefully avoided. Thanks again for tuning in...

Out of Surgery

2009-10-09T12:48:00.004-04:00

We just spoke with Esther's surgeon. All in all, the news is as good as we could have expected.

They have removed her ovaries and all but a small bit of her uterus. In this case, they decided to leave a small bit of the cervix, to prevent cancer cells from migrating down into her vagina. They removed her appendix and the omentum, the fatty layer of the peritoneum that protects her organs. It had a lot of cancer in it. They left some small tumors (less than .5 centimeter) on her diaphragm, and a larger one (about 2 cm) on her bladder. The surgeon opted to leave those and use chemotherapy to kill them, rather than risk damage to the organs. There was no involvement with the colon, kidneys or liver. They did sample some lymph nodes, but don't expect the results to change the prognosis.

Dr. Welander said he was 'very pleased' by the way the surgery went, although he termed it 'one of the most difficult' surgeries to perform. He confirmed the stage of the cancer as Stage 3 C. We like Dr. Welander -- Dr. Welander rocks.

Esther will likely regain consciousness in the next couple of hours, and if there are no more complications she'll head up to a recovery room this afternoon. She'll likely be groggy for the next 24 hours or so. She will probably be in the hospital at least throught the weekend.

The next step is to send out tumor samples to the labs. One lab will run more extensive tests to precisely type the tumor (now considered to be an epithelial ovarian) and the other will test the tumor against various types of chemicals to determine the best 'cocktail' for chemotherapy. Results in a week or so...

So, this is what we hoped to hear. Well, actually I wanted to hear the guy say 'sorry, my bad, it's not really cancer.' But this is the best news we reasonably could hope for at this stage.

Estther will read this blog even when she can't write on it, so feel free to leave comments. More news when I get it.

The E-venture Begins...

2009-10-09T10:26:00.005-04:00

Hi. This is Kyle. I'll be 'guest blogging' for Esther while she is incapacitated.

I've been sitting in the waiting room with Esther's mother, her cousin Inga, her friends, Jack, Meagan and Ali, Al (who is busy designing the Team Ster t-shirt) and of course, Helene! Everyone in good spirits, but naturally anxious. The coffee is actually pretty good, but the wifi is unreliable so I had to scoot down the street to Barnes & Noble to type this post.

Esther went in to surgery at 9:47 EST. It's expected to last about 2 hours. Sometime after that, we should know more about what occurred and what the next steps will be. As soon as I know, I'll post the info here.

Let me just personally thank all of you who have sent their love and contributed to the Team Ster effort. Having just lost my mom two weeks ago after her long struggle with cancer, I wasn't sure how ready I was for this. But witnessing the outpouring of love for Esther has inspired and energized me. There is a long struggle ahead, but we're in this fight to win! So, team, all together now...Give me an 'E'!

Here we go....

2009-10-08T10:56:00.003-04:00

Dear friends and family:

I am beyond floored at the love and support that has been flooding in. I got a card yesterday from a woman that I have never met. The well wishes have numbered into the hundreds. I am touched by the people that I just know a little, you know, the people you say hi to in the hallways, but may not know where they live or their children's names. Their offers of help and support remind me that people are essentially good and making connections as we walk through life is truly the highest and best thing that we do. J.P. Jones, my dear friend, wrote the nicest thing....he said "You’ve got the physical courage of an athlete, the daring of a thrill seeker, and the guile of a trial lawyer. And the stadium is packed with your fans." I have dozens more like it. I feel really special and strong. As you can tell, I feel free to pass along what you all write to me, so if you want something to be kept private, please let me know so that I can respect your wishes.

I cannot stop thinking about the poor person who, perhaps on the same day as me, received a similar diagnosis, and had no one to send out the emails, coordinate the care, bring flowers, take the dog, and assure her that she only needs to do one job -- get well. That person is in my thoughts. Please send out a prayer for her, too.

My friends are giving a tutorial on how to be a friend. The girls (Karen, Martha, Helene) rented a suite at the Jefferson yesterday and we had a good old slumber party (where slumber never actually happens -- Helene kept trying to spoon me). We had a luxurious meal at Lemaire and talked so much through. As many of you know, Martha is a cancer survivor -- Stage IV soft tissue sarcoma, so time with her is inspirational. The picture above is Karen, flounced across the pull out bed trying to get positioned to take a picture of us.

Today will be a largely quiet day, where I will get my house ready for my return here, take a walk, harass my doctor and finally, bowel prep. Because I love you guys, I won't share any details of that phase with you. My surgery is at 9:30 tomorrow morning, I should be back in my room and recovering by lunch. I am ready.

All of your thoughts and prayers are cherished, keep 'em coming.

Change of focus -- the battle blog

2009-10-07T05:01:00.004-04:00

Dear friends and family: The blog is back up and running. I will capture this new phase of my life and share it. I do this for a few reasons. First, I think it is a good way of keeping a lot of people up to date and I cannot seem to get an inclusive email list right. Second, some other person, just like me, healthy, young, and "normal" is going to get news similar to mine and have their world shatter and float down to an unfamiliar earth. Perhaps my thoughts can help that person -- maybe I will make a new friend. Last, I probably could use a constructive thing to do as I anticipate some alone time over the next little while, and watching the Chiefs play football this year isn't going to cut it. Let me begin by introducing myself and relating the last 36 hours or so for those that don't know me or my story. My name is Esther J. Windmueller. I am 42 years old and until just recently, I was the healthiest person you ever met. I have never spent the night in the hospital and missed only one day of work for illness in 17 years. I don't eat red meat, do buy organic and never eat fast food. I exercise regularly.

I am a trial lawyer representing people accused of crimes and traffic offenses, and I enjoy my work and the legal community in which I am privileged to practice. I have a huge circle of caring friends and family that make me (even now) the luckiest person I know. I live and a warm, inviting old house in the City of Richmond with my dog, Lola, a cancer survivor herself. (Last November the vet told me that the pup wouldn't live more than a few months.... she is still asleep under the bed right now).

In the spring I had some abdominal pains, went to the doctor, they did an ultrasound and found some ovarian cysts. This is not abnormal for women, we get them monthly and the body drains them away. The doctor tested my blood for the CA125 enzyme that usually appears when the body fights cancer. Test was negative, so we waited to see if the things would go away. They did, and I left on a great trip that is memorialized in this blog. At the end of my travels, I started having a little pain, so I dropped in to see the doctor and again, the ultrasound showed cysts. CA125 - negative again. Watch and wait....4 weeks later the cysts have not only stuck around but one has grown to an appalling 9-10 cms. It has other smaller friends nearby. Doc says they gotta come out. Now, no one believes this is cancer. Cancer does not go away and come back -- it just doesn't and the tests are negative. So we scheduled surgery to have the cysts removed for Monday, Oct. 5, 2009. Best case scenario, the cysts can be collapsed and removed laporascopically, worst case scenario hysterectomy because the cysts are too involved or because there is some cancer there. So on Monday, the docs stick a camera inside a little hole in my belly button and commence a "peak and shriek" because they see ovarian cancer. They see it in the cysts, they see it in the fatty wall of the stomach cavity and they see it hanging from my diaphragm. In sum, it has spread around, much worse than the worse case scenario. Stage III. Not good.

They close me up, wake me up and tell me through an anesthetic haze. And in one minute, my world is completely different. I have been thinking about how to describe this feeling and I am not sure if I can convey it, but I will try. My practice, which has always been top priority, has become "something I will worry about later." I look at my friends and with the exception of the two cancer survivors in my gang, I think, we are totally different. I feel like I am standing in the middle of a circle, alone, and everyone is looking at me from the outside because they cannot stand where I am standing (Thank goodness). I looked at my face cream yesterday and thought, "Gee, the last time I used this face cream, I didn't have cancer (or didn't know it, but essentially the same thing)." It looked like a relic from a totally different time period. There is a huge black demarcation on the calendar BEFORE and AFTER, and everything is different. When I woke up (real) early this morning, I had about a minute before I remembered, a simple uncomplicated minute....then I saw the flowers and balloons that have been thoughtfully placed in my bedroom and it came crashing back -- this new path of mine. I cried a little before I got up and actually relished the mundane task of unloading of the dishwasher. How weird is that?

My friends came over last night, and I am touched beyond words. My cousins from DC were the first to arrive -- they just grabbed the baby, jumped in the car and headed straight to me. My prom date, my spanish teacher, friends I haven't seen in months....all here, bearing gifts and food and stories. I try to imagine this fight for a person who is alone, or a single parent without adequate support and I am overwhelmed by the desperation that person must feel. I am surrounded, buoyed, enveloped and protected by an army of people and it is them (you) that will get me through this. The computer and phone buzzed, hummed, pinged and rang all day yesterday. I got shout outs from around the world. It was fascinating to see how news travels. It would be quiet for a few minutes, then a particular group of friends would hear, my gym buddies, a law office, my boyfriend's friends.....and a new wave of well wishes would materialize. People would relate the fights of their friends and relatives...this came from Jeff, a friend of Kyle's whose mother just lost her fight...."what I learned .... is what a powerful force of inspiration she was to other cancer patients. I was repeatedly told stories of her positive and “can do” attitude and her embracing life. I have no doubt that the belief that she could climb her own personal Mt. Everest on a daily basis had a lot to do with her longevity and quality of life. My humble recommendation would be to embrace the sources of love that surround you and live each day of your battle with them and their love firmly implanted in your mind and heart. Feed off the energy of them and their love at those moments when it really really sucks and is extraordinarily painful. There really is no substitute for such positivity, and it is those relationships that truly matter the most." (Jeff, I hope you don't mind the reprint, but you really touched me). I read my emails and just weep for the love in them. It seems that no one is unscathed by cancer. We know this intellectually, but it is different to actually feel all the pain and love and hurt and inspiration that is carried around as a result of this fight. This is a nasty cancer, but there are a few good things about my situation that makes my doctor hopeful for a "positive outcome." The average age of a woman diagnosed with OC is 63. I am over 20 years younger, so my level of fight is going to be higher than the average. Although many of you won't believe it, I do what I am told (when it is a doctor telling me what to do). I am strong, focused, determined, supported and used to winning a fight. I AM a good candidate to beat this thing. I plan to do just that.

So, my surgery is scheduled for Friday at 9:30 at St. Mary's. My doctors seem to be the best. The hospital is terrific, and I am ready for this battle. The doctors will remove all my female stuff and all the cancer they see that is larger than a half inch. Hopefully, it will not be too complicated and will not involve any other organs. I will stay in the hospital for a few days and then go home to recover. After 3-6 weeks, I will start chemo. This should last for six months. The doctor says that the treatments will probably knock me down for a few days and then I should be able to function normally although I may tire a little faster.

The attached picture is from last night's little party. This is my belly "before" and soon there will be pix of my belly "after" (flatter, thank goodness). Thanks to all the accompanying bellys.

I want to thank all of you for the flood of support. It is almost a shame that something rotten has to happen before we are reminded of how interconnected we are. Special love to Helene who was a giving trooper yesterday at the impromptu party and has not really left my side since the first minute. Love to my mom, who is struggling, but will overcome this because she is the strongest person I know. Love to Kyle who has a lot on his emotional plate right now but hasn't missed a beat with me. Love to Al, Karen, Martha, and Leigh who have fiercely interrogated the doctors with me, and wrangled good info from the internet. Thanks to you all, and I will try to keep you in the loop as we beat this thing, you and me.

Catching up

2009-09-01T10:23:00.000-04:00

Dear friends:

After wrapping it up in St. Louis, I headed home for a couple of days and had a great time at the Mekong birthday party and Pamela's Happy Hour. The next week was spent with my family in Delaware. Lots of sand, sun, amusement parks, boardwalks, pizza and ice cream.

Now I am in VA Beach enjoying some quiet time. I have uploaded almost all of the pictures and the link is in the right hand margin.

Enjoy!

2009-08-17T10:33:00.000-04:00

Wednesday morning, we headed out and drove back through wine country toward the Evergreen Aviation museum. Evergreen is an aviation company that contracts jobs from the government (surprise, surprise). They have put together an aviation, museum, air and space museum and IMAX theater complex. In the early part of the decade, Howard Hughes' Spruce Goose was located next to the Queen Mary in a port in Southern California. Disney owned it and had it set up as an attraction. Disney decided to ditch the project and the original plan was to distribute about 8 pieces of the plane to different museums and to destroy the rest of it. An aviation society intervened in some way and then numerous proposals for the plane were submitted. Evergreen was awarded the possession of the Spruce Goose. They built this museum around it, and let me tell you -- that thing is impossibly huge. It sits in the middle of a hangar shaped building and the other planes and helicopters look like toys next to it.

We went to the town of McMinnville which is bed and breakfast central for wine country in the Willamette Valley. The town is charming, full of shops and lots and lots of coffee. As with all towns in Oregon, there is either a brewery or bars filled with local microbrews, a beer drinkers' cloud 9. We had a few at a McMenamins Hotel/Bar. This local chain refurbishes old interesting buildings into hotels with bars and music venues. They are all interesting and a cool step away from regular hotel chains. http://www.mcmenamins.com/ This particular one has a rooftop bar which allowed us to admire the mountains on either side of the valley. The stout was damn good, too.

On the way home we stopped at the Brigantine monastery where the monks make world famous chocolates and picked up some rather addictive fudge. These guys are apparently famous, and these chocolates are shipped around the world.

Thursday, we packed up the car and headed for Bend, OR. Bend, during the housing boom, was a very popular destination for yuppies and folks looking for a second home near a ski mountain. The terrain is lovely with a river running through the town, lots of green space, bike paths, trendy shopping (all home decor) and smartly renovated homes. We stayed in a resort outside of town and enjoyed the pools and hot tub, playgrounds and stunning view of the mountains -- pink and hazy at dawn.

Friday morning we drove up through the mountains all the way to Mount Hood outside of Portland. During the drive the terrain fluctuates from pine forests to prairie land to lava-rocky moonscape. It is quite chilly and windy at when we are up at altitude so we jog through the sites. The Dee Wright Observatory sits in the center of boundless lava fields where even pine trees struggle to survive. The road is only open for a few months of the year. Otherwise, the snow makes it impassable. The road is so curvy, trucks are not allowed on it. http://www.paulnoll.com/Oregon/Tourism/Dee-Observatory-hill.html

I can't believe I haven't seen this place in a movie yet....it is chilling (literally and figuratively) and memorable. The monument has little rectangles cut out of the rock with the name of the mountain it faces....living postcards that circle the monument. Then one keeps driving, the altitude drops and one is surrounded by the crisp smells and geometric beauty of the pine forests.

We ogled the snow on Mount Hood. (I still can't believe this is August) and Rich, Grace, Anne and Henry eat dinner in the NW quadrant of Portland, after driving through the hilly and diverse Jefferson Park. Dinner is at a place called Justa Pasta and is justa scrumptious and affordable Another win for eating in Portland. The family drops me off at a hotel outside the Portland Airport, and Saturdays flights are boring and uneventful....which is fine.

Saturday night, I am picked up by Keri who has gleefully employed a sitter and whisks me off for dinner at the Ice Kitchen, a brand new fusion tapas joint with an extensive vodka selection. The tapas is so expensive and the servings are so large, I cannot rightfully call it tapas, but the chef is doing a good job, especially with anything that involves a broth or consomme. He must've aced that class because the flavors were distinctive yet well matched and a real delight.

Sunday, the kids were waiting for me when I woke up and we have read books, played and then done it again. George is on call and must stay 20 minutes from the hospital so he does not come home for days at a time. We are looking forward to his arrival tomorrow. We head out to the zoo to deliver one of my letters from the Galapagos whiskey barrel, but the guy is not there on Sundays, so we visit the penguins, puffins and a very unique carousel. Each animal is represented in the park including the usual ones, but also akapis, earthworms, otters, etc. I rode the puffin (okay, so I like puffins).

Then on to Busch Field to see the Cards take on the Padres. It is a steamy afternoon and the skies threaten rain. Well, they don't just threaten it. It rains, and a delay (the first of a few) is called in the 6th. The kids have hung in well, but we don't push it, so we head home for more playing and reading. Gini is reading very, very well for a 5 year old. The seats were in an exclusive area where one can buy chinese food stir fried to order and there are comfotable seats to enjoy all the Bud Light. Apparently the Padres came from behind in the 9th inning and capped it with a homer to win the game. What a treat for the stalwarts who waited through the delays. Sorry, Cubs fans.

Today has been a quiet morning, but more fun stuff to follow. Thanks for reading.

Feeling homey at Anne and Rich's house

2009-08-11T19:13:00.001-04:00

Hiya gang. Sunday morning we headed for a short trip to the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry. This museum, as with most science museums has lots of hands on stuff, geared mainly for kids. The had table after table of brainteasers which, well, made me feel pretty stupid. (But then again, I have a hard time following the directions on my GPS, so perhaps I shouldn't be surprised).

After leaving Portland, we meandered through the Willamette Valley and quite typically, ODed on Pinot Noir. I had an interesting conversation with a manager at a vineyard who opined that it was well known that the Willamette Valley would get hotter and drier and in the near future not be able to support Pinot Noir crops anymore. His vineyard is planting Cabernet, Merlot, etc. Pinot Noir growing is expected to move north to Canada. When I asked what is likely to happen with Napa and Sonoma, he answered, "Everyone agrees that will be a desert." Wow, I did not know that. Wonder if it is true.

We arrived on the coast at Lincoln City, OR. This is a very cute town full of charming little houses, small hotels, art galleries, and other small business shopping. We rented a room at the Surftides Hotel. What a treat. Big comfy bed, fireplace in the room. Spectacular view, balcony, kitchen, pool, hot tub, sauna and breakfast. They also had pre-stocked fire pits, ready for supreme hanging out. This is a terrific hotel.

We took a solid walk on the beach. The beach here is wide and sandy. There are a few rocks for visual interest, but it is a great beach for relaxing. A few enthusiastic folks, mostly kids, braved the chilly water. But most people were walking, flying kites, or searching the tide pools for mussels and shells.

For our last dinner together, Lynne, Ashley and I went to a fancypants restaraunt called the Bay House, just South of Lincoln City. The Bay House is situated on a cove and features wrap around windows providing a breathtaking view of sunset. Apparently there is most often fog, but on this night -- crystal clear. The service was professional yet friendly and the food was flawless (I had Prawns with kiwi/mango chutney over forbidden rice salad.) We just kept eating until the sun went down. Therefore, we had to slog our big bellied selves back up the road. We stopped briefly at a glass blowers studio to watch the art being created. Glassblowing is always so fascinating to watch, backdropped by the glowing red oven.

After a great nights sleep and an oceanside run, we headed South down the Coast. We stopped at a lookout called Foulweather Point. No foul weather for us. This view was so magnificent, it became my phone screen saver -- wooded cliffs dropping into the blue sea, waves sliding onto the shore, gulls gliding by. Once again, I scan the horizon for the unlikely appearance of a whale. I have been searching for a whale since the Galapagos. I have squinted at the coastlines of Ecuador, Costa Rica and California. I know that it is unlikely that I will see one off the coast of the Western U.S. as the migratory whales are already enjoying Alaskan waters, but I want so desperately to see my first whale, I cannot help looking. There is a sign here saying that there are resident whales on this coast so despite the pitying looks from Lynne and Ashley, I peer out hopefully. But alas, no whales.

We twist a couple of miles down the coast to a point called the Devil's Cauldron which is a big hole in the cliff that has an entry for water, so waves crash within it. It is pretty cool looking. We walk down a little paved path and see a beach cove, loaded with sunbathers and surfers. While most folks are watching the colorful surfboards bob on the water, I am scanning, scanning, scanning the horizon and then....splash. A whale tail!!!! No kidding. I started to shriek and point and Ashley and Lynne came over and tried to believe me. Then, a couple of spoutings and one more tail viewing. I have seen everything that I had hoped to on this trip. I spend the rest of the ride muttering in disbelief.

We arrive in the port town of Newport. The Oregon Coast Aquarium is located here, and what a gem it is. They currently have an exhibit of odd creatures and boy, do they showcase some weird fish. Puffy ones, sideways ones, monstrous crabs, seahorses, prickly ones, huge scary eels, etc. Each tank is filled with blown glass art simulating the kelp and corals. The fish swim by loads and loads of this Oregon created art. You gotta admit that is clever. There are the requisite sea lions, seals, otters, sharks, rays and petting tanks for anemone and sea stars. There is also an aviary with a few species of birds including the fascinating tufted puffin. There is also a featured art exhibit with works of pressed fish prints. Nice aquarium. Bring your kids here.

Right next door is the Rogue Brewery proudly proclaiming that it is Home of the Rogue Nation. I know you have all seen the dead guy ale, and lots of their other cleverly named, brewed and packaged beer. And here they are ALL on tap. It is a mecca of American microbrew...although it is not very micro. Macrobrew, then. The bar/restaurant overlooks the marina, arching bridge and Willamette River mouth as it spills into the sea. Wow. Again.

We enjoy a snack, and a number of fine beverages before deciding to take the distillery tour. Yep, Rogue has branched out into gin, vodka, rum and whiskey. We get to see how whiskey is made and they give free tastes! Oregon is fun, fun, fun.

Back in the car to Albany, OR, home of Anne and Rich and 5 year old Grace and three year old Henry. Albany is an adorable town with quiet streets, honest to God picket fences, and block after block of charming old houses being restored. Fifty thousand people live here, and as Anne is driving me around she is waving to everyone. She introduces me to the mayor as we drive by. Anne and Rich have been restoring their craftsman home for eight years now and it is a comfortable work in progress. They have added so many nice details. If you open a closet door here, the light comes on. There is radiant heat in the floor and tomatoes and zucchini overrunning the garden. This home is full of warmth and charm both because of the restoration and because of its occupants.

Before starting on the big house, Anne and Rich renovated a little outbuilding that served as their living quarters while they started on the big house. Currently there are tenants there. It was explained to me that they are expecting a baby any MINUTE now and that they are planning a home birth. If I see the kitchen table in the driveway, it is baby time. They need the space in the kitchen for the water birth. I keep looking over there in excitement and well, mostly trepidation.

This morning, I woke up and treated myself to a haircut and massage. I was quite happy with both.

Portland Rocks

2009-08-09T11:49:00.000-04:00

We woke up in Grants Pass and jumped on the road to Crater Lake. Crater Lake is a National Park formed around a volcanic crater that has filled in with the bluest water you have ever seen. It is astonishing. Add blue to the bluest blue and you get the water in Crater Lake. It was unseasonably cold here, forty-six degrees and there was still some snow on the ground from winter! Dense fog rolled in and we only got a few glimpses of the lake. Poor visibility ditched our plans to hike so we drove on toward Eugene.

The road skirts the Rogue River. The Rogue is surmised to flow through collapsed lava tubes and one can pick out those features. The river just bolts through rock croppings. Certain death for kayakers. Fun to watch though.

We arrived in Eugene, which is a young, cute hippie town. Lots of students. Lots of veggie restaurants, music, college kids and finally a bagel shop! We stayed at the Downtown Motel which was friendly, cheap, clean and convenient. Thumbs up. I went for a nice jog around town, and we had dinner at a pricey veggie bistro, called Ratatouille and dessert at a lovely place called the Vintage. Their patio sits under grape and kiwi vines and they have crepes and fondue. (I did not know that kiwi grew on a vine like that -- I learn something every day.)

In the morning we headed out for Portland. Upon arrival we saw a craft market and a food festival on the parks lining the river. Apparently this time of year, there are festivals all weekend. Today there is a community bike event where they close the bridges and 30,000 people (I think) take to the streets on their bikes. Unfortunately, all the bike stores are already rented out. Portland has a downtown that is easy to walk in, and there are lots of shops and restaurants to peruse. We walked around for most of the afternoon.

Last night we had dinner at a marvelous place called the Fish Grotto. Small intimate restaurant with great service and food. When we sat down they brought out a snack of sweet potato chips with a cardamom glaze. I got an encrusted halibut that was just rich and sweet and wonderful. Eat here.

Afterwards, we went to a jazz/blues club called Jimmy Mak's to hear Linda Hornbuckle. She is a blues singer with a full band. The place was full without being overcrowded and the joint was groovin. Great voice, great sax, great big momma keyboardist. What a treat! Have a listen.

Slept well at the Courtyard Marriott and had another scrumptious meal at their restaraunt, "The Original -- a dinerant." Portland is a clean, progressive city with good food and drink. We did not even get to try the breweries. Another day, I hope.

Today, we will head out for Willamette Valley wine country. More later......

Good Morning from Oregon

2009-08-07T10:00:00.000-04:00

I wake this morning in Grants Pass, OR. We had a great day yesterday. After breakfast, we doubled back south to a trail just below Crescent City called Damnation Creek Trail. It begins by 101 and is a woodsy path that drops 2000 feet over a span of 2.1 miles to a secluded rocky beach. Then, of course, it is 2.1 miles straight up to get back. Good for the legs! The trail starts with more gargantuan redwoods, and they get smaller and other trees dominate as one gets close to the ocean. The forest floor is covered with ferns, clover and pine needles. There is a faint cedar smell that mixes with the ocean smell at the end. Now, that is a nice hike. We saw a little bunny sitting in the path as well as a green and yellow snake and various sea birds. We have seen a lot of deer lately, on trail paths and by the side of the road. Many of the does have fawns following behind them.

After the hike, we pile back into the trusty Chevy rental car and head for the Oregon border. The drive takes us along the Smith River, a picture-perfect small river sunk into the mountains. The water is an emerald green, and it bubbles along a rocky bed. Looks like great kayaking. When I get home, I plan to do a roll clinic. Anyone want to join me?

Onward to Oregon Caves National Monument. Up in the mountains, this national park offers a tour through a cave that has been toured for over a hundred years. It is well maintained, as national parks always are. There is a bark covered lodge there that looked like a wonderful place to stay, but of course, they have been booked up for a while. The tour is caving-light. The path in the cave is concrete and there is no crawling or climbing (other than 576 steps). The cave is pretty pristine and does not suffer from the commercialism of a place like Luray Caverns (which I loved anyway). There are some nice formations and the guide gives a good Caves 101 tour. This is a good excursion for kids that can climb some stairs (6 yrs old and up, I would say). It is cool here, 50s outside and 44 degrees consistently inside the cave. The change in temperature is welcome, but I am ready to return to August pretty immediately.

When we emerge from the cave, fog/clouds cover the pines. One can almost hear Burl Ives singing sentimental songs in the background. Lovely. There is an endemic snail here that is easy to spot. It is reddish and named the Roth snail, after its discoverer. This snail looks like the real version of a cartoon snail. It has a perfect corkscrew shell, and its body stretches out of it ending with an ball-tipped antennaed head. Cute.

Then the drive to Grant's Pass. We are staying in the Hotel Beuna Sera. It is a converted Motel shaped in a U where you park just outside your room. It has been done in a mishmash of styles. We have a mirror-topped coffee table adored with wax fruit. It is quite comfortable, but we have dubbed it our "big fat greek hotel." Found a hole in the wall chinese place last night called Taste of China,located in a barn-like building. Really good food. The Hunan shrimp was exceptional.

Meandering up the Coast

2009-08-06T11:45:00.000-04:00

So, we woke up in our cute little cabin and headed for the coast to drive north. Everyone talks about the drive on Hwy One near Big Sur as being the superlative Pacific coast drive, and as I found out last year it is spectacular, but it is no more impressive than the coastal drive in the north. The roads twist and dip toward the sea and then toward the mountains. The golden hills are crowned with towering redwoods. The sea lions loll on the beach. The wildflowers and blackberries line the road. What could be more stunning than that? We stop numerous times to follow short trails until we came to Point Arena, a town of 500 with a rich lumber and shipping tradition. We got a picturesque table overlooking the cove and dock at the Chowder House and Tap Room. The walls and tables are decorated with historical pictures and articles about the town. Interesting. A pelican sits right outside my window and peers at me. This is promising, right? Wrong. Our waitress was young and just not ready for prime time. We waited twenty minutes and still had not received the soup that was to precede the meal. Water glasses empty, sodas empty. The waitress finally explained that they were preparing the soup specially and that it and the rest of the food would be out shortly. Wait some more. Ashley gets his soup and it is mushy, as in not-newly-prepared. The main meal followed. I got the wrong salad. Everything was cold. The waitress never checked back on us until we were done (we were not prepared to invest the time that sending the food back would inevitably have required). When she did, Lynne told her about the things that were not acceptable. She looked at us, blinked, and then spun and walked away. Okay, now this is getting comical. She walks by a couple more times and we flag her for the check. It comes, Ashley places his credit card in it and returns it to the table top—credit card jutting out. She walks by two more times until we finally had to cobble together the cash and leave it on the table. Bad restaurant. Bad waitress.

Continuing on, we reach Fort Bragg, CA. Now that is a really nice town. Whenever you want to cross the street in Fort Bragg, all the traffic stops to allow you to do it. For a girl that is used to fleeing across Pacific Avenue at Virginia Beach, this is a puzzling and pleasant change of pace. We score lovely rooms at the Country Inn for a reduced price by dropping the name of Liquid Fusion, the kayaking company owned by L and A’s friends, Jeff and Cate. My room has a claw foot tub and downy bead. I am in an attic room and sleep in a charming eave. A and L are equally pleased with their room downstairs next to the hot tub (man, I love California). We had dinner at the North Coast Brewing Company and man their Rasputin Stout, freshly brewed, is a smoky wonder of a beer. (Food is plentiful but not outstanding here, but hell, we are in it for the beer and the good company of Jeff and Cate.)

The innkeeper woke early to make us breakfast since we were headed out to kayak first thing. Delicious and accompanied by good hearty bread. (man, I love California).

Cate and Jeff of Liquidfusion.com meet us down the road at Casper beach for a kayak tour that they call rock gardening. This is a total blast. California is lined with rocky, cliff-lined beaches and Casper beach is no exception. Lynne and I suit up for sit-on-tops, Ashley, Cate and Jeff skirt into their kayaks and we paddle into the gentle surf. We hug the coast, peering into caves, watching the moon jellyfish delicately puff their way through the water and the flowing tendrils of the kelp. We find rock formations that create jetties and white water and whoosh through them. One was a roaring channel in which we all wiped out. Especially me. I got laid out and then hurtled against a few rocks – great fun. Jeff might name that feature after me – Hey Jeff, how ‘bout “Esther’s Elevator,” because I was going down, down, down? Hahaha. We also saw cormorants, sea lions, pelicans, gulls, oystercatchers and guys diving for abalone, which is in season now. Jeff and Cate put pix online, and I have not checked their website yet to see them, but you all should. They will be amusing, for sure. If you are in this area, call them and take this trip. Good people, good equipment, good times.

After some errands involving a pharmacy, a shoe store, and a laundromat, we catch lunch at a great diner called Café One, and depart Fort Bragg. The road curves inland toward the Redwood forest and nature delivers another knockout, here. We get off the Highway and travel on the Avenue of the Giants for a more scenic trip. The redwood forest is the visual depiction of ponderous silence. It was cloudy, and thus pretty dark….Lynne finds this forest to be beautiful, yet gloomy. We agree it is a cross between Jurassic Park and Hansel and Gretel. I love the grandeur and the flat out hugeness of these trees. It is good to feel small now and again, and these trees force that feeling of transientness. One is also transported into all the zig zag car commercials filmed here.

We find ourselves in the town of Redcrest and rent a cabin at the Redcrest Resort and RV park. This place was built in the 30s as the Bide-a-wee Motor Court. Not too much has changed since then. We pay $150 for our cabin (including tax) and think it was too much. Our cabin was clean and it would have been a value had we had more people – it slept 7 comfortably. But hey, you can’t win them all. We drove to Scotia and had dinner at the Scotia Inn. Not bad- Not great. Standard small town restaurant, but the bartender made a margarita without a mix, god bless her. Scotia is a historic example of a company town. Each house is identical, fenced by white picket and a lawn trimmed to the same length as all the neighbors. This looks to be a movie set.

Wednesday morning, I went for my first jog of the trip (my running shoes were stolen in Ecuador). I am elated. Running in the Redwoods!!! (man, I love California)

We find a suitable trail to hike and meander down an easy path that passes a number of felled redwoods. The sun is streaming through the trees, today. I cannot express to you just how mammoth these things are. I cannot wrap my arms around a fifth of one of the big ones. I love taking pictures of the labeled ones that show when the Magna Carta was signed, when the US was “discovered,” and when the Declaration of Independence was signed (right near the outside of the tree!) Some of these trees are TWO THOUSAND YEARS OLD. As you drive you can stop at the Drive Through Tree, the Living Room tree, House tree, etc. Each place has a gift shop that is a tribute to kitsch and Americana. Birdhouse, anyone?

Post hike, we climbed into the car and stopped at Eureka for lunch. This town has a cute downtown historical district. We eat and split for more coastal driving. As we tool through the National Park, I see my first elk. Those things are huge. I guess it is appropriate if they are wandering through the redwoods.

We arrive in Crescent City, near the Oregon border. There is nothing particularly striking about this town that I can see. There is a picturesque lighthouse here. Our hotel, the Pennywise, has a sign in the parking lot that says “Please do not use motel towels to clean vehicles.” Damn. Ruined my plans for the evening. We have dinner at a Mexican place called Toreros. Lousy food, arrogant service. We will be leaving shortly to take a hike, and I will update you when I can! Wish you all were here.

Back in the States

2009-08-02T23:37:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was an incredibly long travel day. The flight was delayed from Belize to Dallas which resulted in my having to sprint through the Dallas airport to make my flight. My luggage was not so lucky. I made it to the hotel around 12:45 a.m. and collapsed into a totally delightful hotel room. The hotel was Larkspur Landing Hotel in South San Francisco. If you ever need to stay near SFO, this is the place. Full kitchen, flat screen tv, this ubercomforter on the bed, good breakfast, mints on the pillow, and microwave popcorn in the room. $70 a night -- San Francisco....great find.

Up early, retrieved my luggage in a story involving amazing timing and Lynne, Ashley and I were on the way to wine country. We bypassed Sonoma and headed to the town of Healdsburg. This is an adorable town, with a charming town square. It does have a little Stepford Wife feel to it but it was wonderful to sit outside (70 degree day, no humidity) and have a goat cheese, roasted red pepper Portobello sandwich. Ashley and I did a wine tasting at the Rosenblum cellars tasting room right off the square. Lovely.

Back in the car and we drove through Alexander Valley, and to Dry Creek valley. This little drive may be the prettiest country I have ever seen. The light checkerboards across the grape vines, pine trees and yes, redwoods. The hills drop into the rivers. The roads snake around the hills. Bicyclists sweat up and down. The whole thing is surreally perfect. Drank some wines, tasted some olive oils, too.

We headed into the Russian River valley and tried to find an affordable hotel. Lots of phone calls later we saw a little place by the side of the road with a vacancy sign called the Five Seasons Hotel and Spa. We score a little cabin with two bedrooms for a lot less than a single hotel room cost anywhere else. We are in a town called Guerneville. It used to be called Stumptown, according to the local taphouse. We wander across the street to a shack called Nit's Thai Creations at Rios. One might be a little wary of such a place, but that was some spectacular thai food, and it overlooked the Russian River.

Time to jump into the hot tub. It is actually chilly here. More soon.

Wrapping up Central America

2009-08-01T10:38:00.000-04:00

Good morning. I just put Kyle on the water taxi back to Belize City. I will do the same in about 4 hours. Caye Caulker has been an exercise in well, not exercising much of anything. We walk or bike around, swim, read and eat. It made Kyle crazy. We moved out of Mazhapan cabins a few days ago as Louise had previous reservations for our cabin. We went the the other end of the island, to Sea Dreams hotel. This is a brand new little place, painted adobe orange with warm tiles and a sandlewood smell, and most importantly, kicking AC. They have a canoe that we can use so we took it out around the north island of Caye Caulker (CC was split by Hurricane in '61 and the north island is larger with a few houses on it and not much else). We paddled for a while and realized that we should have packed some water. We headed back, but it was very solitary and beautiful. I am not a good paddler. Thankfully, Kyle is.

The next morning we decided to explore Ambergris Caye a little more fully, so we hopped the water taxi to San Pedro and found a bike rental place. We started by biking north to an area of the island that is just one condo development after another.....According to Joe, the bike rental guy, big rich American developers bring in cranes, move the sand into the swamp, and build on it. Who knows what the next hurricane will do to them. Guys on the street holler to get you to go to a sales pitch and it is not at all chill.

We biked through town and headed south....it was weird to deal with cars since there aren't any on Caulker. South is hotels and resorts, but all off the road... There just isn't any enjoyable public space. We hustled back to the taxi and back to our tiny welcoming speck of an island. When were left CC, I asked our hotel clerk, Stacy, if she needed anything from Ambergris. She stated emphatically, NO. Now, I know why.

We had dinner, for the second time at AGAVE, which has really thoughtful and tasty food. Unfortunately, the service is provided by the owner who gets wrapped up in conversations with other customers and can take 20 minutes or more to bring a check or a drink. Too bad.

Back at the hotel, we snuggle in for bed. Unfortunately 25 young people had checked in and they stayed up partying outside our door till the wee hours of the morning. Ugh. Stacy checked on us and offered a free beachfront cabin that would be quieter for our last night. Thank goodness.

We ate also at Rosa's for dinner. There is a guy standing on the street with a kettle grill. He shows you the fish and lobster available that evening. Very fresh. You sit and can watch him grill your (in our case) lobster kabobs, while his staff brings you cold Belikins. So damn good. Rosa's is a total thumbs up.

On our last day, we signed up for another snorkel trip. If it is possible to see more fish, we did. Flounders, Snappers, on and on and on. We looked for manatees, but no success. Ian, our guide, caught a lobster and made ceviche on the boat. Totally delicious. I coaxed the recipe out of him. Then another boat made some noise.....Manatee!!! Jumping back in the water provided a glimpse of the most amazing creature. About 6 foot long, hundreds of pounds, and yet delicate and gentle as it glides through the water. It is uncomfortable to be slack-jawed with a snorkel in one's mouth, but sometimes it just happens.

As I walked down Front street for the last time, I saw a family of six walking down the street wearing stilts and clown pants. Go figure.

Hello from Belize

2009-07-27T19:25:00.000-04:00

Greeting all. We finished goofing around Montezuma, CR and had a great meal at a restaurant named Cococolores which should not be missed if in that town. Travel out of Costa Rica was uneventful and we landed in Belize City, and hired a cab to take us to the Guatemalan border. It was difficult to remember to speak English in Belize and almost had people speaking Spanish to me thinking that I was a Spanish-speaker. Funny. Our cab driver was a guy named Joseph who was very entertaining and informative as we traveled through the countryside. It seemed quite undeveloped and beautiful but not as lush as CR. There are a number of Amish settlements in Belize, and it is not uncommon to see a horse and buggy with a traditionally dressed Amish family trot by.

We also saw cashew trees which not only produce the nut, but a fruit that is used to make cashew wine, sold here in Belize. I have not had any yet, but hopefully that will change. Joseph also warned us not to take cabs in Guatemala as it is not safe, and we should always try to travel in a big group. He also had a very funny line -- we were driving behind a van that was spewing exhaust and because our windows were down, fogging us out. Joseph says, "Dat guy, he no give me the good air." We have been chuckling ever since about who is giving the good air and who is not.
We walked across the border after paying the various taxes and looked around. We were the only gringos there with a fleet of cabbies vying for our attention. Well, Joseph, we would love to travel in a big group, but there is just us, so here goes. We choose a guy with an official looking van who would not go down in price. We figured that he did not plan to rob us or he would have taken us for less. We had a lovely ride into Guatemala to the town of Remate which is about 30 kilometers south of Tikal, our goal. By the way, the roads in Guatemala and Belize were just fine, especially after CR.

We stayed at a lovely little hotel for about $50 a night called La Casa de Don David. This Floridian fell in love with Guatemala 40 years ago and over time opened a fifteen room hotel overlooking Lake Peten Itza. The gardens are lovely and include huge topiaries. The room includes one meal a day, internet access and we felt very lucky to have scored the last room there.

We grabbed a bite and then took a little van called a collectivo to the town of Flores which is where most Tikal-bound tourists stay. It is about 40 kilometers away. Flores is a lovely place. It is an island in the lake. One walks or drives over a causeway to get on this little hill. It is about 8 blocks by 5 blocks and covered with hotels, restaurants, shops, a church and a little town square. The backpackers roam about looking for cheap beers and rooms and the lake glimmers all around.

As an aside, we were travelling with a Lonely Planet guide, and well, so was everyone else. We would pass a perfectly good restaurant that was empty only to find the one next door, mentioned in Lonely Planet to be packed. Some of our favorite hotels and restaurants were not mentioned so, I urge travellers not to get too hooked to those books. Much of the information in those books was out of date as well. the prices listed for Nicaragua were usually about 50 percent off.

After a pizza in Flores, we had to take a cab back to El Remate, and I confess to being a little skittish as we drove through the night past large groups of people standing next to the road. Our driver removed the taxi sign from the top of the car. I thought that he did not want to publicize that he was carrying tourists. Kyle thought that he was just worried about it falling off. Everything was fine, and we got to bed early in preparation for our tour of Tikal in the morning.

We were picked up at 5:30 to head to the ruins. The weather was fine when we left the hotel but it was pouring when we arrived. The rain kept up for a couple of hours and half our tour was held in a torrent.

Tikal is a Mayan City of great importance. We have all seen pictures of it in movies and in various books, but it is something that you just have to see to believe. Our tour guide could have been a better english speaker, but he was very sincere in his efforts to lead a good tour. The tours are designed smartly starting with small ruins, often still covered in jungle, getting larger as you go.

My vision was of a great cleared space with pyramids and temples lining a sandy football field, but it looks nothing like that. Most of the ruins are in dense jungle and one climbs to the top and sees the tops of some of the other structures over the tree tops. Since it had just been raining, there was a cloudy fog sitting on the forest canopy and the view was surreal. There were howler and spider monkeys in the trees and wild turkeys roam around a well. The turkey does look like the liquor bottle but they are incandescent and just shimmer as they walk around.

At the end of the tour one goes to the Grand Plaza which just leaves one gape-mouthed at the majesty of it all. These temples and pyramids are huge and the effort that was made to create them boggles the mind. The effort that it is taking to restore them is also astounding and the whole thing inspires a great deal of thought about the nature of mankind. Another storm was rolling in, and watching lightning crash down from the top of a pyramid is a phenomenal thing (excuse the pun). From atop the pyramids we also got to watch a Montezuma bird at eye level. This is a large black bird with bright yellow wings that builds pendulum shaped nests. It has a loud hooting call which it sends out while pitching forward on its branch, kinda like a sun salutation. Very fascinating to watch from above.

Back at the hotel, an tree frog joined us for dinner. He had huge almond shaped eyes that reminded me of the classic sketch of an alien. Very fun.

The next morning we hopped a bus back to Belize City. After reading that there was no exit fee to leave Guatemala and after having been told by our bus driver that there was no tax, we were charged 10 dollars (no receipt, of course) to get out of the country.

Back in Belize City, we take the water taxi to the tiny island of Caye Caulker. (I used the a bathroom in a construction area of the building and got locked in. Kyle performed a total A-Team move and kicked the door in to free me.....)

I am heads over heels in love with the place. Who wants to come back during the winter???? This tiny island has no cars, just walking, bikes and golf carts. The roads are sandy and dotted with Palm, Coconut, Fig and Pine trees. The water is that surreal greenbluebluegreen that can hold one's attention for hours. We find our hotel, Maxhapan Cabins, run by Louise Alguilar. This place is a real gem. She has three little cabins, AC, coffee pots, fridge, hammocks, etc. for $50 a night. The place is spotless. She lets us use the bikes and snorkel gear for free. I have been here for three days and still have not officially signed in. She is as friendly as a human can be. What a great place. She has no more room after tonight, so we will be moving on, but I will be back!

After a wonderful dinner at the Rainbow Grill (built OVER the water), we called it a night. Woke up the next morning and headed for and all day snorkel. I have been snorkeling for about 15 years and have NEVER had an experience like this. First we go to Shark Alley which boasts loads of Nurse sharks and lots of rays. They are huge and the water is shallow, about 5 feet deep, so you are right there with them. The water is so clear that one could forget that you were looking through water. There is no visual obstruction whatsoever. You can see every gill on every fish. I cannot say enough about it. We went to the Nature Reserve Reef, Hol-Chan. The reef looks to be in very good shape with huge brain corals, gently lapping fan corals and bright blues, greens and orange corals providing a backdrop for the most eye-popping array of fish one could hope for. In addition to the sharks and rays, we saw sea turtles munching, triggerfish, pufferfish, seargent fish, barracuda, angelfish, parrotfish, trumpetfish, Blue Tangs, Four eyed Butterfly fish, Octopus, Squid, fish with dots, fish with stripes, black fish, fish that are a shade of blue that only exists underwater, 5 foot long fish, all the fish, just all the fish. They feed the rays here so they come right up to you. Rays feel like carpets of velvet. One swam right over Kyle's face, he was exhilerated and wee bit scared.

Then the tour dropped us off at then next island, the town of San Pedro on Ambergris Caye. We eat a good lunch with our feet in sand and head back to the boat to try and find manatees. This is just a dream, regrettably the manatees were not to be found, but we had gotten our money's worth in the first fifteen minutes, so no worries. (I plan to go out there again and look for them on another day).

We went for a long bike ride around the entire island (long is relative -- took us about an hour). This place is crazily undeveloped. I just cannot understand it. Everyone must have bought on Ambergris and left this little jewel alone. After my mid-morning tequila shot, I have jumped in here to update you. Time, I think to hammock, which I have learned is indeed a verb. Miss you all.

2009-07-21T15:12:00.000-04:00

Hiya gang. It has been a while since the last blog. I will try to catch you up on everything. We left the fifteen dollar a night hostel for a big upgrade to AC and hot water for 35 a night at the Hotel Jorge Posada. Our little window had a great view of the volcano over the spanish tile roofs of the Granada. All was well until the bed collapsed (without any help from us) one morning. Nice people run this hotel, but they are still working some things out. We took a local bus to the nearby town of Masaya where they have a renowned artisan market. To get to this market, we had to walk through the local grocery/housewares open air market. This looked like a slumdog millioniare scene with gobs of people packed into stall after stall of every kind of food and good you can imagine. There is a lot of jostling, mud, exotic smells and chatter. Walking through a market like that makes one feel like one is really travelling.

We bought some stuff at the artisan market for friends. When I tried to mail it home, the bill came to $150.00, so I am now schlepping it around.

The next day we took a boat tour to the 365 tiny islands in Lago de Nicaragua that really exist as an extension of the town. Rich Nicas buy islands here and put lovely houses on them. Michael Jackson apparently was given one by the Nica govt. We visited a fortress on one of the island that protected Granada from pirates in the late 1800s, a tremendous view and feeling of history.

We then boated to a little island where we saw our first monkey. I tried to feed him a flower that a guide picked for me, but someone must´ve fed him earlier that day, because he was not interested. It was still wonderous to look him eye to eye from a distance of about 20 feet. Bottom line, Granada is a wonderful, easy town. I can recommend it. But fly into Managua and take a bus, because the border crossing to Costa Rica just stinks.

We bought spots on the TransNica bus that goes from Granada to Liberia in Costa Rica. These buses are supposed to be air conditioned and get priority service at the border. Our bus was vaguely airconditioned and the bus driver smoked his way through the trip. The Border crossing took 2 and a half hours while we stood in the blazing dusty heat. The Nica side was actually fine, but the Costa Rica side was manned by a couple of people to handle hundreds of people crossing. There was no place to stand, customs was a joke and it was a very rotten experience. Avoid it if you can. I found this to be surprising since Costa Rica is all about tourism. They need to work on this aspect of it.

We finally made it to Liberia and picked up our little rental 4x4, a Diahatsu (sp.?) Bego. Not the most powerful car ever, but a little trooper, and we really tested that car. We headed straight for Tamarindo, known as Tamagringo and splurged for a beachfront room ($70). I reveled in the truly hot shower and the amazing view. The beach here is just lovely, with gentle lapping waves that make surf lessons a standard. There were lots of little kids learning to surf, some as young as 4 or 5 getting up on boards. The world seems to clap for them. We set about exploring the little town and basically felt like we were back in the states. Everything is more expensive, shiny and kinda fakey feeling. Despite the gorgeous beach, we were happy to pack up the Bego and head down the coast.

Driving on small roads in Costa Rica is difficult to describe, but the best I can do is to get you to imagine the cliff that Wile E. Coyote falls off of, put a river in the middle of it and then drive up it. Kyle has been doing a great job of navigating the comically unnavigable.

We stopped at a picture perfect beach called Playa Jonquillal. There was a little Soda on the beach where I ate a perfect comida (this is a typical tica meal) that has fish, chicken or beef and rice and beans and platones (fried plaintains). The beers were cold, there was no more than a dozen people on the beach and we just could not believe that a spot this lovely had not been developed right into the ground. There is some development nearby but it did not look overwhelming and some ads posted on the wall of the soda indicated that one could get a lovely 3 bedroom house with a pool for 200-300k. I see how people are tempted to own a secret little piece of Eden.

Back on the super crazy roads to Playa Ostional, a nesting ground for turtles. After finding a roadside bar where the bartender and the local patron were watching CNN coverage of the Sotomayor hearings, we grabbed a beer and headed to the beach. (As always, we were accompanied by a local dog). The beach is covered with thousands of eggshells from the recent hatchings. I was flatly dumbstruck. I later overheard some young people that had volunteered here speak of the thousands of turtles hatching and heading for the oceans at night. I should have stayed here a day to try to see that. Next time....anyone want to join me?

Back on the Wile E. Coyote Highway to the town of Samara. This little beach town also boasts the gentle waves that make surfing lessons the core industry. Lots of Ticas vacation here and we did not feel like part of the gringo invasion of Costa Rica. This town is a little pricey but we found a BnB called La Maison (I think) for $40. AC, hot water, a king sized bed and a king sized wall hanging of Mother Mary watching us all night. When I woke up in the morning a howler monkey was calmly sitting on the wall just behind the house. Unfortunatly, he left before I could score the camera. Don´t worry fans, there are plenty more monkeys on this trip.

We said goodbye the the lovely beaches of Samara and headed toward Montezuma on the southeren tip of the Nicoya Peninsula and closest town to our rental house. After a long day in the car (these roads make me headachey, queasy and genuinely irritable), we arrived in this little hippie town. It is three short blocks long and full of kids with dreadlocks selling little macramé bracelets. There is vegetarian food and organic food, which is a welcome change from the comidas.

We score a cheap room and feel victorious for achieving AC again. Unfortunately, the racoons crawling on the roof for an hour in the middle of the night destroyed any hope of sleep and diminished the thrill of the bargain. Kyle was not feeling well to start, and I do not think that he will ever look at a racoon the same again. In fact, this was the beginning of three rough days for Kyle that were appropriately named after this town.

The next morning (July 16, if you are counting), we headed to check out our beach house and home for the next week. We find the easily in the tiny location (calling it a town would be an exaggeration) of Cabuya. This house turns out to be a mixed blessing. In short, the view is stupendous, but the beach is too rocky to swim in. The kitchen is nicely appointed but one of the bedrooms also contains the living room, so there is no privacy. The beds are comfy and the AC cranks, but there are no bedtables or closets. It is a weirdish house. Kyle and I worry that when Don and Maggie arrive later in the day, they will be disappointed.We consider calling the owner and calling him out on listing this house as a two bedroom, but we decide to wait. That afternoon, I stepped outside to see families of howler monkeys swinging, napping, and traipsing in the trees in our yard. Pure wonder. A plus for this house, for sure.

Later that day (and after more fun driving, ugh), we pick up D and M in the town of Pacquera where the ferry lands. They are each packing a small knapsack and a great attitude. After a terrific, but pricey dinner at Organico, we head back to the house and make do by nailing a sheet to the wall to add a smidge of privacy. Our positive attitude will overcome the house´s shortcomings!

The next morning D, M and I head to Costa Ricas oldest nature reserve, Cabo Blanco, just one mile down the road. (Kyle stayed in the house, recovering). There is a hike to a beach and back in the park--the guide tells us there is a lot of ups and downs, but as fit, healthy people, we scoff and head out into the woods. Aren´t those warnings for fast food eaters? I can answer that question --- no, they are not. We hiked for six miles vertical. Maggie blew out a shoe. I actually invented new curse words. We were very proud of ourselves, though, and the beach at the end is a knockout. We saw deer, raccoons, butterflies and red headed woodpeckers. The problem with arduous hiking is that one tends to look exclusively at one´s feet. During that hike, an extinct dodo bird could have stood right next to me and I would have missed it. It would have been easy to trip and sprain an ankle....

We arrive back at the house, dirty and proud. Our house has this little 3 foot above ground pool, like I had when I was a kid and we slid in with our cold beers and felt entitled to rum and ice cream.

Saturday morning we jumped into our trusty Bego and headed for the surfing towns of Mal Pais and Saint Theresa. At one point we watched a Suzuki Samarai (which has a bigger engine than ours) slide down a muddy hill. That did not bode well for us, but ultimately both the Suzuki and the Bego made it up and onward.

Malpais/St. T is a cute town with lovely beaches. The waves curl ferociously and it is fun to watch the surfers ride the waves. It is also fun to watch them splash elbow over teakettle in the surf. After a wonderful lunch, we headed back to Montezuma to hike the famous Montezuma waterfall. What a thrill. We hiked for 20 minutes or so across a small waterfall to get to the big one. Some folks actually climb up this thing and jump off. Total insanity. We watch a guy climb halfway and swan dive in. We collectively hold our breath. Countries without as much liability law feel very different than home, and the respect for self responsibility is refreshing (as was the waterfall).

When we arrived at the car, another family of howlers watch navigating the trees including a little baby, just learning to get around off its mother´s back. Incredible.

Sunday, we drove to a tropical nature preserve called Curu. We were treated to some spider monkeys being rehabilitated for future life in the wild. We started on another hike from hell and aborted after 12 minutes at 90 degrees up. The sandals would never had made it. Back down to the beach for a lovely swim. We now have a pattern of returning to the beach house, making dinner and playing spades -- sound familiar, beach people? (only this house has the monkey show).

Monday, we had signed up for a snorkelling tour to the Islas Tortuga, and we were excited to get in a little boat and speed up the coast for the island. The view of the coastline from the water was, well you know, majestic. Steep brown cliffs, topped by arching palm trees, dropping into the rocky surf...wow.

We arrive at the Isla which is a white sandy beach (a change from the rocky beaches that we are used to), with gently leaning coconut trees dotting the shoreline. On the island, we see peccarries -- little wild pigs that look like razorbacks. Very cute. Unfortunately, there is red tide in the water which destroyed visibility. Snorkelling was awful and I spent the rest of the day laying on the beach. The tour company, Montezuma Expeditions, was very disappointed. They knew the snorkelling would be lousy but sold us the trip anyway -- had we known we would have picked kayaking or surfing....The guides never introduced themselves, never assisted the folks that had never snorkelled before, never even handed a band aid to the girls that skinned their knees. I was so disgusted that I left no tip, and you all know how rare that is for me. It took a couple of strong rum drinks to improve my mood after that.

There is a little cemetary island just off the coast by our house. It is low tide when we return and we can walk across the rocks to the cemetary. It is like finding a spooky secret. Kyle spots a toy horse on a stick and gives it to a local girl, just as the sun was setting to end the day. Our neighborhood dogs chase the vultures that sit on the rocks and hope for gifts from the local fisherman.

Meanwhile back at the house, the downstairs bathroom has been leaking copious amounts of water through the ceiling and we are becoming concerned. Our handyman, Jose, who lives next door, seems to have taken his family for a little trip elsewhere.

This morning, we zip lined! Super fun. We end up at the highest Montezuma waterfall and splash around off the rope swing. On the road we see an acouti, which looks a little like a beaver. Sorry that I have not posted any pictures, but I have no time for that now. Soon, friends, soon. Miss you all.

Hola from Grenada, Nicaragua

2009-07-11T08:18:00.000-04:00

Hello, friends.

At last post, Kyle and I were heading for a waterfall rappelling tour. It was a total blast. We hiked into some very dense jungle, got a quick safety lecture and started rappelling. The crew has this stuff down to a science and just hook you up, let you step of the cliff, and belay you if you get into trouble. They are amazingly efficient. Remember those elves in "A Christmas Story" that put the kids on Santa´s lap and then down the slide. It was kinda like that. The first waterfall was the longest at 165 feet! We did five and it was really thrilling, there were some kids in the group, the youngest looked to be around eight and he did really well. Of course they take pictures and sell them to you at the end of the day, and of course, I bought them.

The next morning, I woke up very early (shocker), and when I stepped outside, the clouds had cleared and Volcano Arenal was completely unobstructed. I woke Kyle and the view was so breathtaking he wasn´t even mad. Arenal puffed out smoke while we watched, gape-mouthed. We took a lot of pictures because it was hard to believe we were actually watching the earth cough. But we were.

We packed up and left La Fortuna (sadly, I loved it and would like to return), and headed for Monteverde/Saint Elena. To get there, one books a trip commonly known as jeep-boat-jeep. We were never actually in a vehicle that resembled a jeep, but this is what it is called. You take a ride for about a half hour to the lip of Lake Arenal, jump on a boat, get ferried across a lake where another 4WD van picks you up and winds its way on really awful roads to Monteverde. Very scenic way to get about.

Saint Elena and Monteverde are two spots right next to each other. St. Elena is a cute little town and Monteverde is really just a road out of that town that leads to its world famous Nature Preserve. We stayed in a place called Los Pinos (The pines) in Monteverde. We had a very cute little cottage in the woods. Upon arrival, a fox wandered past us, and we saw squirrels. The squirrels here are dark brown on their backs and reddish on their bellies. Their snouts are longer, so they end up looking like buck-toothed cousins of our squirrels. Los Pinos was beautiful but we were cursed with a humongous vapor light right outside our cabin. There are no curtains on the huge plate glass windows, so it really did diminish the enjoyment of the place. The guy that runs the hotel, Rafael, could not have been more helpful.

We visited the cheese factory in Monteverde. About a hundred years ago or so, a group of Quakers moved to Monteverde and made their living making cheese. This was the primary employer until the Ecotourism made Monteverde famous. We took an amazingly informative tour with a guide in the Cloudforest. We saw a sloth, a glimpse of a monkey, remarkable plants, caterpillars, birds, spiders, etc. and learned a lot about everything we saw. After the tour, we stepped to the cafe which sports six hummingbird feeders and thus, scores of hummingbirds. They just surround you. Seeing one hummingbird is a wonder, seeing about a hundred of them zooming right in front of you cannot be adequately described.

St. Elena is a really cute little town full of beautiful little restaraunts. We had a cheap but gorgeous meal at Le Jardin overlooking a garden teeming with butterflies and birds. We caught cocktails at a place called Trio. They offer a Ginger Martini there that just knocked my socks off. I can really recommed the La Fortuna/Monteverde destination as a great vacation spot. Affordable, nice people, lots to do, and views to remember for a lifetime.

We headed out of Monteverde and travelled for a day to get to Ometepe, Nicaragua. The border crossing was something out a movie involving refugees and was surreal to be a part of.

Ometepe is a large island in the huge huge Lago de Nicaragua. You get there by ferry or launcha, and it takes about an hour to cross. The island is made of two volcanos and is, of course, gorgeous and mysterious-looking. The people here are very poor. The dogs are skinny, the horses are skinny, the people are skinny. There is really nothing modern here, yet. We picked a hotel out of the Lonely Planet at Playa Venencia and headed that way on the public bus.

The public buses here are very old American schoolbuses. The padding is gone from many of the seats and the windows are often broken. The drivers decorate these buses with lots of stickers. I rode in one that was all Jesus and Tweety Bird. The main road is good, but the secondary roads are hellish. After a good rain, there can be huge piles of dirt on the roads and they are frequented by bicycles, cattle, motorcyles, cars, dogs, etc. Despite all of these tactical issues these buses run right on time around the island. Kyle mused that USAir could learn from these folks.

The hotel that we had hoped to stay in was full (a missionary group) so we got the last room at the backpacker hotel next door. This room was our first real housing disappointment. It was dirty and full of bugs. The curtain did not keep out any light and there was an incredibly bright bulb right outside our window. The bathroom window did not close and it was just very unpleasant. Amazingly this place cost us $35.00. Way overpriced for what we got. Oh, and their roosters get up at 3. I awoke with a nasty sore throat and thought, "I better not have yellow fever."

The beach there is really just a ribbon of black volcanic sand with the Lakes waves lapping up against it. In the mornings, the local women stand in the lake with their kids beating piles of laundry on the rocks. Their kids dolphin around them. This lasts for hours.

We walked up the beack onto a nature trail that was really peaceful early in the morning. The island is full of these great big blue jays with long tails and head plumes. They make all kinds of great noises when one walks through their forest. The monkeys were bellowing, too, but did not come out. There is a stunning array of butterflies here and all varieties accompany one when you travel.

We checked out of Chez Nasty and lugged the luggage back to the road for the on-time school bus. We then went to Playa Domingo on the little strip of land between the two Volcanos. This beach was pretty long and a little wider -- amazingly underdeveloped. We stayed at Finca Domingo for $25 a night and had a little room with a porthole window facing the lake. Outstanding view. We lazed around on the beach reading the entire day. Remarkably few people seemed to be staying at this beach, so we were again, feeling like we had an entire hotel to ourselves. When it was time for bed, I noticed that our room smelled like gasoline. We opened the door, hoping the breeze would clear out the smell. Then I realized that the smell came from the mattress itself. Kyle deduced that they put gas on the mattress to kill bugs. This is a Faustian trade-off. Bugs or gas smell. Ugh.

Got up, packed and took the launcha back to the mainland where we bussed it most of the way to Grenada. The last few miles were in a tuk-tuk, which is a moped with a shell on it that allows it to carry the driver and two people. Very efficient way to travel short distances.

We have ended up at a hostel called Hostel Cocibolca. It is super cheap at $15 dollars a night, for exactly what you would expect, a bed and a bathroom. It seems clean though and there is a friendly lobby with rocking chairs and tropical plants and a kitchen for all to use. I am sitting in the lobby now, typing on a pretty good computer.

Grenada is a lovely town built in the Spanish style. All the buildings butt right up against the sidewalks and one can peer in the doorways that show lovely courtyards with fountains and gardens. There are loads of restaraunts, many catering to gringos. I had a huge salad yesterday and was thrilled. At night, the streets are full of tables, and everyone eats and drinks and has a good time. Kids try to sell gum and smokes and nuts. Other kids breakdance or spin fire to make money. It is a very festive (and loud) scene. The beers here are called Victoria or Toña, and they are cheap. It is appropriate.

There are some very well decorated and constructed hotels and restaraunts here. We had some apps last night in this open air space with huge paper laterns swinging in the breeze, ala 1930s. Ingrid Bergman could have walked in and looked right at home.

More later, Ciao.

Greeting from Costa Rica

2009-07-04T07:29:00.000-04:00

Dear friends:

So, on Wednesday, I got up at 1:45 in the morning (I did not need to get up until 3:20 to get to the airport, again, but was so anxious, I could not sleep), went to the airport, and got my ticket for Costa Rica. First step achieved, ticket in hand. The plane was delayed, so I hung out in the airport for about 3 hours. Made some new friends, so this was okay. I had ten dollars in my pocket, since my ATM card stopped working about a week and a half ago, but again -- Costa Rica ticket in hand, I am good.

Fly to Miami, uneventful, but full flight and of course for my $900, I am stuck in an aisle seat in the rear of the plane. The breakfast choices are a ham and cheese sandwich or a bacon omelet. So, no breakfast for me. That did really irk me, it would be nice if major airlines cared about vegetarians, but to offer two pork choices snubs jews, muslims, and healthy people everywhere. Where is my cheese and fried food?

Anyhow, arrived in Miami and laidover for 7 hours. Again, not too bad -- made some phone calls, spoke in English, called CapOne who assured me that my ATM card was working and that I must be going to non-"PLUS" machines or that I must not know the difference between savings and checking. The card does work in the airport, so there is nothing left to do.

Settle in for flight to Costa Rica....after we take off, the flight attendants hand out the forms we must fill out, customs, etc. The immigration form for Costa Rica has a section where it asks you to list the countries that you have been in during the last two weeks. Let the sweating begin. So, I spend the entire flight worried that I will be deported upon arrival.

We land, and I wait in a fairly long line for immigrations. Sweat. Sweat. Walk up to the guy -- flash what I hope is winning smile. Hand over forms and hold breath. Bang. Stamps form, have a nice visit....I am walking away. I am so happy and thankful that I promise to do a bigger than normal good deed in the near future. Grab luggage, stride out of the airport and there is Kyle, except that I do not recognize him without any hair standing in the crowd of yelling cabbies. He, gratefully, sees me and grabs me. Ah, life is great. We cab it through the jumble of streets that is San José to our hotel. It is called La Amistad, and has a bar and a restaurant and a hair dryer and computers with flat screens. After a glass of wine and a snack, a nice deep sleep.........

Until the humongous train whose tracks are right outside the window of our room goes by at ridicolous oçlock in the morning. I laugh because I am still thrilled to be in Costa Rica with Kyle and not in some detention room in the airport.

We have a nice breakfast at the hotel and then head to a pharmacy to get the yellow fever shots. Pharmacies here provide greater health services than ours do. The first pharmacy could only do it after 4 p.m. The second pharmacy said that we would have to get the shots, and then wait for ten days to get a certificate from the Health Ministry. The nice pharmacist then calls the Ministry and assures us that for travel in Central America, we will not need shots. I do research on the internet and that seems true, although I think there is still the possibility of a problem on the Nicaragua border for me, but we will just have to deal with it if it happens.

Jump on a bus headed for the town of Turrialba. Costs 2 dollars to ride for about an hour and a half through, lush green mountainous, twisty-turney terrain. It is humid, but the Costa Ricans don't seem to mind because THEY BARELY OPENED THEIR WINDOWS ON THE BUS. Our row did not have a window, so the bus ride seemed longer than it needed to.

Driving through the Costa Rican countryside is an assault of beauty. All farmland is generally beautiful...that gorgeous patchwork quilt of crops, empty fields, horses, etc., but here all of those things are draped over the lushest, greenest mountains you can imagine. There are coffee fields growing in shade provided by these tall sweeping trees that look like birches on the bottom and palms on the top. There is corn, rice, and frutas, frutas, frutas. Just stunning.

We arrive and traipse around a bit before finding our hotel, Costa Rica Rios - Turrialba Bed and Breakfast. This is just a lovely place, and we have it all to ourselves. It is doene in woods, glass brick and lots of earthy tile. There is a large courtyard with comfortable adirondack and rocking chairs, hammocks, a hot tub, and outdoor kitchen and little frogs and lizards that scamper about. There are large fountains that feed into fish ponds that add a great rushing sound to the place.

Our innkeeper, Brian, is a young guy from Utah who, with a partner, opened this place because he is kayaker, and this is a great place for that. He sets up a raft trip for us in the morning and we head out to walk the town.

It is small, with lots of tiny shops, and, Helene, are you ready for this -- every third store is a shoe store. Further, next to every shoe store is a butchery. (Martha, you would love this town). In between the shoes and the sausage are clothing stores, housewares, restaurants and grocery stores. Just charming. After a good lunch, we head back to the hotel where Brian has found a masseuse to give us a massage on site.

She is lovely, but speaks little english and the massage customs are a little different. She did not leave the room for me to undress. There is no extra sheet on the table, just a little towel for me to arrange. I don't care about this stuff, but it was a little awkward because it was different from the script that we do in the US. She had great hands though and worked only on my back. I drifted off while listening to the rushing of the fountains.

I crawled into a hammock and napped while waiting for Kyle. Now that is a great afternoon. We lounge about, reading for the rest of the night.

We got up early on Friday and headed out for a pre-breakfast walk and found the local market. A long row of vendors selling the most awesome looking fruits, vegetables and herbs I have ever seen amassed in one place. We wandered through and stopped at a stand that had bright red, golf-ball sized fruit with the big prickles on them. We gawk. A local notices, picks one up and shows us how to eat it (you bite the skin to pierce it, peal it off, and are left with a clear-white orb to suck on). We buy two and bring them back to the hotel to have breakfast. They tasted like grapes with a little dash of lime. Martha, you should come here and rent a place with a kitchen. Kyle and I have vowed to eat every fruit there is in Costa Rica.

After breakfast, we are picked up by Marco, our rafting guide and driven through the countryside to a put in point for rafts. We are surrounded by gringos, the first ones we have really seen in Turrialba. After a quick safety speech, we are off...Kyle, me and Marco. There will be no help paddling in our boat. We have a safety guide too who paddles in a kayak within sight of our raft. The kayakers are fun to watch zip through the rapids like ducks.

Speaking of birds, we see cormorants, vultures and some cool yellow tailed birds. We hear toucans all around us, but never see any. After an hour of paddling, we stop at a waterfall and take a swim underneath. Just in front of this waterfall are two huge boulders, one seemingly resting upon the other, like lovers for eternity gazing at the waterfall.

When one encounters the first such waterfall in Costa Rica, one thinks, ¨this looks just like the one in the travel book.¨ Amazingly, the next twenty are as stunning. Those idyllic vistas are everywhere you look.

At one point during our paddle, we were in a narrow canyon. Two office-building tall cliffs, covered with green vines loomed on each side as we paddled through alone. Mind blowing. After a few more hours of paddle-work and white water splashing, we pulled the raft out and went to a little buffet lunch that included a hearts of palm dish that was delightful.

Back to Turrialba where we got dinner and watched some futbal in a bar. Early to bed after that kind of day.

Saturday morning, we ate breakfast and hopped out the door for the bus back to San José. We tried to arrange better transportation but it costs about seven dollars a person to get to La Fortuna on buses and a private driver would have cost $140.00. I wish I could afford that, but it seems smarter to spend money on doing things, so we hit the bus.

Once arriving in San José, we race to a different bus station to just catch a bus to La Fortuna, and even though they told Kyle that it was directo, it was not directo. We stopped in every town and suburb between San José and La Fortuna. This is a six hour bus ride, no lunch, no baños, but lots of company. For the entire bus ride, people were in every seat and packed in the aisles. Kyle had the aisle seat and had a family of six leaning into him. When I looked over a little girl with the biggest brown eyes was holding his hand. Like I said, its a friendly country.

Exhausted and hungry, we arrive in La Fortuna. This is an adorable town, set up for tourism. Lots of little hotels and tour operators, offering every kind of adventure that you could want. This would be a great place to spend the week. Canopy tours, horseback riding, hot springs, rafting, kayaking, biking, ATVing, etc. Whatever you like to do, you can do it from here in the shadow of Vulcan Arenal which is poised mysteriously west of town, watching over us. Since it is the rainy season, the views of the volcano are sporadic at best, but hopefully there will be a break in the clouds and we will get a good view at some point. We find a little hotel outside of town called Villas Vilma. This place is fabulous. We have a good room with coffeepot and fridge and scalding hot shower for $40 a night. The grounds look like Eden. When we arrived we were greeted by a hummingbird and the hotel dogs and a few strays. I have adopted one who follows me around whenever I am here. If I could take him home, I would. Ideas? There is a large perfect pool, fed by a large, perfect hot tub.

Across the street are restaurants and we ate in a 'soda' which is a little restaraunt that serves 'tipical' food. I could eat here as much as I usually eat at Ellwood Ts. Cheap, good and plentiful. (not like Ellwood Ts)

Sunday morning (now), we got up and walked to town, admiring the flowers and birds that line the street. We have booked a waterfall-rapelling tour for this afternoon and I am looking forward to a new adventure sport.

More later, your amiga, e.

What a day!

2009-06-30T19:04:00.000-04:00

Hiya friends:

I have had a helluva day. I will start with the good stuff and then explain to you why I am STILL IN QUITO, DAMMIT.

I got up early this morning and went to Mitad de Mundo. This is the actual Ecuador, a little north of here, I think.

There is a lovely museum there dedicated to the indigenous people highlighting their history and current life. When you got there you get to do some very cool things. For example, the obvious one....you take a sinkful of water right on the equator line and the water drains straight down. No, really, it does. Move two feet south and the water spins one way (I think it was counter clockwise) and move two feet north the water spins out the other way. We used the same sink and moved it so it really was the water. I have video.

Also gravity is just different on the actual equator...it affects strength. Two feet south of the line the guide tried to push my uplifted arms down when I was trying to hold them up. Let´s say he used an amount of strength we will label a 5 on a 1-10 scale. Then I stepped to the equator line and he was able to push my arms down with only about a 2 or a 3 amount of strength. We did a couple of these. Really weird. Things balance more easily on the equator. Just really cool. Great morning.

Came back to the hotel, walked around got lunch and headed to the airport around 1.

Got to the airport. Did some paperwork stuff then proceeded to wait on line at the ticket counter for one hour. When I finally arrived at the counter, the agent asked me for my yellow fever card. Yellow fever card? What yellow fever card? Oh, the one that I will need if I want to travel to another latin american country. If not, I need to go to a doctor and wait for TEN DAYS, and then I can go. Well, there goes this flight.

I called mom, and told her to contact the Ukrops travel center which gave me all the shots that I was going to need (at a really high cost, I might add), and fax proof of the shot to the hotel.

Fast forward one hour, mom is at Ukrops, and guess what, they insist that I do not need one. The airlines seem to disagree.

Call the airline. Cancel my ticket. More hassle...not a great story though, so I will move on.

I find out that if I go back to the US, I can go to Costa Rica without the damn shot.

Sooooooo, I will be in a cab at 4:00 a.m. tomorrow to fly to Miami and then fly to CR tomorrow evening.

This, of course, costs $900.00. plus the cost of the ice cream that I just inhaled.

Ah, travel.

I will blog when possible, and let you know if I actually make it to CR tomorrow night.

Headed out to find a good meal and alcohol.

e.

More musings

2009-06-30T07:00:00.000-04:00

Can you tell I have easy computer access in Quito?
I have been meaning to tell you what things cost here in Ecuador. Things are mostly much cheaper. Gas is $1.48 a gallon. This is everywhere -- Quito, on top of a mountain, nice gas station, crappy gas station, does not matter $1.48 a gallon. I wonder if the price is mandated by the government somehow. For that you also get someone to pump your gas. Finding that out made me a little angry that galapagos boats are charging a $100 to $150 gas surcharge. Makes you wonder if our airlines have access to gas that cheap and are screwing us, too.

Flowers are crazy cheap here. A dozen beautiful roses costs $1.50-$2.00. I got a manicure the other day for four dollars. A mani/pedi costs ten. Tipping here is minimal. Speaking of which, be glad we live in a culture where service people work for tips. I had three waiter experiences yesterday. They were all abominable. The tip is included in the bill, so waiters are interested in getting you in the door, but not that interested in anything else. Getting the check is next to impossible. I will feel better about our much more significant tipping for the rest of my life.

Fruit here is really cheap. Twenty small oranges for a dollar. Large pineapple for a dollar, etc. Speaking of which, these people really know how to do orange juice. It is always fresh squeezed, a little frothy on top, totally delicious. A lunch can cost as little as two dollars, or as much as 5-6, depending upon where you go and what you have. My dinner last night (not that good, but plentiful) was 8.00. This is at a hip trendy spot. It would have been cheaper if I had picked a cervicherria or empenaderria, etc. You get the idea.

I went to have a drink and dinner last night, would have been fun with you, was boring without you.

Some philosophical thoughts.

You are who you are, no matter where you are. If you are happy, you are happy at home, you are happy away. Thankfully I am happy, so amazingly I feel about the same as I do when I am home. If you worry, you will worry while travelling...just substitute travel problems or discomfort for work problems or discomfort and you feel about the same. Therefore, today´s lesson (and Kyle already knew this one) is that if one wants a different life, the change is internal not external. You just need to make some decisions about who you want to be and commit to it. Do you all agree?

Last info: Ecuadorans and of course, Europeans smoke constantly. My cab driver was smoking last night. I cannot remember the last time I was in a car with a smoker. Some restaurants just put matches down when you are seated. Sorry, Doug.

One more thing Ecuadorans love....Doritos. They are the chip of choice at BBQs, etc. Not fritos, not cheetos, but Doritos, a lot.

Love, next post from Costa Rica!

Quito!

2009-06-29T17:14:00.001-04:00

Quito is terrific.

I woke up this morning after a good night´s sleep in my warm snuggly bed. After breakfast and a HOT SHOWER (God bless), I headed out for the Teleforico. As you may know, Quito is at a high elevation (I don´t know how high-- will check later), and you can drive up to the top of a nearby hill, get on a Skycap and for the next twenty minutes get carted up near the top of a mountain. At that point one is at 4100 meters altitude. One is VERY conscious of the oxygen levels, especially with the panting and all. The view is stupendous. Quito is 2 million people living in a long valley running North to South. It is surrounded by mountains, including a volcano called Cotapaxi, and is just stunning to view from so high up.

Came back down the mountain (with a bit of a headache) and headed for the Old City --cuidad antigua. Beautiful colonial squares with tremendous churches and museums....Tourists, citizens, and today some kind of parade in support of children...Folks with banners following smartly-dressed soldier-like folks on horses. I sat at a square and had a salad at a very gringo-ey restaurant. Thank god I found a vegetable.

Next, I took a taxi to New City, cuidad neuvo. It is full of little shops and restaurants and cute hotels and people enjoying themselves. It feels like a cool neighborhood in NYC or San Francisco. I could hang out here for a long time. And there are vegetarian restaurants here, outdoor bars...just great. I am looking forward to heading back for dinner.

Tomorrow, I plan to get up early and see the Mitad de Mundo -- Center of the World, at the equator. Then on to San Jose, Costa Rica. Zoom Zoom!

Last Blog from Manta

2009-06-28T13:15:00.000-04:00

Hi, all. Thanks for the texts. I get them all and they make me feel great.

Friday night we had a fiesta at the home of the owner of the school. Really fun. He does a really great job with this school and it is good to see that it affords him a comfortable living.

Saturday, the 27th, I got up to go White water rafting. I got picked up at 3:45 in the morning for a 4 and a half hour van ride to the river. Imagine driving to Philly for the afternoon. Same kinda thing, but it did afford me a long view of many areas of Ecuador. Ecuador is a very varied place. As you know, Manta is arid and hilly. Scrubby. We headed East into more mountainous country. As we ascended things got greener and greener and into Rancho country with lots of cow farms. Essentially a small house on a largish piece of property vaguely surrounded by barbed wire with skinny cows grazing on very steep hills. They end up looking like goats. Sometimes they wander across the road so one comes careening around a curve and has to slam on the breaks to avoid hitting the cow. This brings me to a discussion about using the car horn in Ecuador.

As one might guess, horn use is quite liberal. I have discerned the following uses for the honk:

1. The universal "you drive like an idiot."
2. "Get out of the road, you stupid chicken (cow, donkey, dog, child...)"
3. "I am a taxi...do you need me?"
4. "I am passing you an inch to your left, do not move or you will die."
5. "I see you approaching this intersection, you had better stop because I am going too fast to stop for you."
6. "Is that my cousin, Jorge?"
7. "Hey, pretty chica....."

There are variations, but these are the general themes. What is truly frightening is that I have pretty much gotten used to the driving, and have stopped clutching the "oh s%#@ handles" in cars. I have yet to see an accident amazingly...but yesterdays road kill count was three dogs and a chicken. Today, I saw a family of four and their dog riding a motorcycle. This is not weird at all.

Speaking of dogs, there are dogs everywhere here. All over the city. All over the countryside. All shapes and sizes. Most of them are quite skinny but have good dispositions. People are nice to the dogs, but they pretty much live on their own. I saw someone actually walk a dog, but only one time.

Anyway, the cow ranches made way to a rain forest type climate higher in the hills, banana farms. pineapples, bamboo, --- lush and humid. Tiny towns dotted throughout....Folks playing soccer, nope, lots more people playing volleyball....who knew? I was also surprised to find out that bananas grow up. When we see them they are upside down from how they grow. I learn a new thing every day.

Anyway, we get to the river, get suited up and head into the water for a few hours of high exhiliration fun. Lots of screaming and paddling. I, of course, pulled my shoulder paddling madly through a class IV rapid. Worth every twinge. When we finished the journey, this huge St. Bernard leapt into the Rio Blanco and swam out to the raft. She galumphed back to shore, leapt back into the river, did a little doggie dance and trotted behind us carrying the raft to the bus. Our guide explained that this was the River Dog....her name, you guessed it.....Lola. Great dog.

At the river I saw frog no bigger than flies. Never seen a species so tiny before. Tiny little jumps across the rocks. Also small egrets and ducks and spiders that looked like stars.

Long van ride home to Manta with an outstanding sunset over the hills.

Today, I am packing up to head to Quito. More info later.

Ciao. (Oddly, this is what everyone says here for goodbye)!

The latest from Manta

2009-06-25T19:41:00.000-04:00

Hiya, friends. I am in the home of my Ecuadorean familia. The mother´s name is Gloria, and she is very nice. It would be helpful to me if she spoke a little English, but hey, it is me that should be speaking Spanish. Thankfully she feeds me well. Other students have complained that their families do not feed them much at all. Gloria just keeps the food coming and I often eat to avoid being rude. Let me tell you a little about Ecuadorian cuisine. There are three basic things to know: cheese, rice and fried foods. It is amazing that everyone here is not huge considering. Ecuadorians are not exactly a skinny people but still.....

Breakfast is often a grilled cheese sandwich -- seemingly always made in an electric press machine, fresh squeezed juice, cereal with yogurt, maybe an egg, a banana and coffee. There is coffee here at every meal. There is a jar of instant coffee on the table and restaurant or the host will bring you a cup of hot milk or hot water and you mix your own. It is surprisingly good for instant. The brand is Buendia --- comes from Columbia.

Almost every other meal in Ecuador is a piece of fried meat or fish, rice and a fried banana or plantain. Lots of fruit, seemingly limited vegetables. Interestingly it is common for popcorn to be placed on the dinner table as a side dish. The other night Gloria mixed fried plaintains and popcorn and formed them into baseballs and deep fried them again. Sounds more interesting than it tasted, it would have been good with hot sauce or jam or something, but there is a fair amount of food here that depends upon being fried for its tastiness.

The breads and pastries here are very good and very plentiful. There are panaderias on just about every block with fresh breads and pastries for sale from the street. No low carb here.

At our house, there is also a big block of cheese on the table during just about every meal too. It is a soft, very bland cheese that is also used for the pressed sandwiches.

The ceviche here is very good and has become my standard lunch at the beach. With more rice, of course!

Soups are very popular too and most lunches start with one. This is a cultural standard that I really love. You know how I feel about soup.

In Ecuador, I have eaten spaghetti with a light red sauce and chicken and guess what....it is served over rice.

The beer here is a brand called Pilsener and it is standard issue warm weather beer. It is also very cheap. 1.70 for a huge bottle.

Okay, enough about food. Lets talk about the landscape here. It is very hilly, dry and dusty. I have already described the driving. Many people that have cars have pickups and put as many people as possible in the back. Crazy motorcyles, trucks, jeeps, etc speed by with people hanging out and on in every way. There are no helmet laws or seat belt or child seat laws....that seems laughable when people just get around any way they can.

Outside of town, there are goats, donkeys, chickens and dogs (and children) crossing the road at any point. One might also see a piece of lumber or a car to avoid. Also, there are humongous potholes that could destroy and axel all over the road. So imagine these crazy vehicles with people hanging out all over, swerving from one side of the road to the other, passing at every opportunity and dodging livestock and you get a pretty good idea of it.

The beach outside of town where we board is lovely. Today was a civil holiday and many more Ecuadoreans were there. I have almost finished my lessons and I can get up on the board and can move just a little. I hope the actually become what I would call a rider tomorrow. This is a very difficult sport to learn, and I, thankfully, have lucked into the best spot to learn it. It is cheaper to fly to ecuador and take three sets of lessons over the course of a couple of weeks, stay and eat then it is to take 5 days in the outer banks. My fellow boarders agree that ecuador is a perfect place to board and the most affordable in the world. There are people here from everywhere just to go to this school.

I wish that my plans allowed for a second week here. My spanish would improve exponetially with a second week and I would actually become a kiteboarder. I am sure that I would want to stay everywhere for more time -- we will see. Sandy would love the spanish lessons and Kyle would love the whole package. We would never, ever get Ian off a board if he came here.

I just booked a flight to Quito on Sunday night and plan to do some sightseeing there before I head to Costa Rica on Tuesday. More posts to follow. Don´t count on too many pix, it is a real pain in the ass to upload, the connections are just too slow. Maybe it will be better in Costa Rica.

The photo at the top of the page is the showerhead at my house. Yes, those are wires. I actually flip a breaker switch over the sink to get a modicum of warm wires. I had to take a picture, because I did not think you would believe me other wise.

until then,

On to Ecuador

2009-06-23T10:02:00.000-04:00

I will try to catch up since my last post. I am currently at my school in Manta, Ecuador. I have some time to type because my spanish teacher is sick and I am waiting for my substitute.

My last post was from Puerto Ayora. Had a great time that night, eating these tiny native lobsters and salsa dancing with my tourmates.

The next morning, our boat was parked between two tiny islands near Isabella, called North Plaza and South Plaza. We hiked the South and saw an enormous number of land iguanas, below us a large group of juvenile sea lions frolicked in the water, jumping completely out, doing backflips, chasing each other, acting like the kids they are.

The ground cover was turning a shade of red and made the walk very beautiful. Lots of swallowtail gulls circled around. They are the only gulls in the world that hunt nocturnally. Also saw a few tropicbirds soaring about. We saw the Estrella del Mar, the boat that we originally booked -- I am confident that we lucked out with the Nemo II.

We took off and gently motored toward the island of North Seymour -- this island is a bird watchers paradise. The male great frigatebirds hugely puff up their bright red chests and flap their huge wings looking for a cute chica. It is quite a show. Once they mate, they bring twigs to the nesting female for the nest and seem to put their wing around her, like they are watching a movie -- very cool.

I know these things will seem more wonderful when I post the pics. Please be patient. Computing in the third world is a little tougher than we are used to.

North Seymour was also teeming with nesting blue footed boobies. They are such fun birds to watch, and there were just hundreds of white fluffy chicks. At one point a momma booby, shifted on her nest and we were treated to the daily miracle, a baby just about four hours old.

Unreal.

On this island one can find a different species of sea lion. The galapagos fur sea lion, and you guessed it, it only exists here. These are smaller than the regular sea lions, have much larger eyes and sit only on rocks, never on the sand or higher ground. As you can imagine, they are even cuter than the normal variety.....

We had a final dinner, and felt a little melancholy wrapping up the trip and exchanging email, but, hey, I now have more friends around the world.

Sunday, June 21:

Woke up at 5:30 to take the dingy out into a clear mangrove lined cove, black turtle cove....

Very peaceful as the sun rose, the water was crystal clear and we were treated to eagle rays, turtles, sharks, sea cucumbers, and a lobster. Just magical, and a real treat considering they could have slept in and just delived us to the airport.

We did go back to the airport and jumped a slightly earlier flight to Guayanquil. The airport is on the island of Basra, which was home to a US Navy base during World War II. Some of the structures there date from that time. There is some damage as we conducted some practice bombing raids there....yes, we bombed the Galapagos. I did apologize for us.

Anyway, I said goodbye to Mom and headed for the bus station. This is a huge and very crazy place. There are dozens of bus companies and you have to find the one that goes to your part of the country. No helpful signs in English, but I managed and due to the kindness of strangers ended up on the correct bus. Here is where the real adventure began.

We pulled out and I surveyed the area. Huge amounts of garbage everywhere, and then standing amidst it a beautiful white heron. Just wild. The poverty is overwhelming, but the people seem pretty well cared for. Homes were shacks, but everyone was decently dressed, clean, etc. I shared the bus ride with a high school. The kids (undoubtedly from well off families) all had phones, ipods, fashionable jeans and shoes....and acted just like kids everywhere: giggling, yelling, groping, singing, you get the idea.

The three hour bus ride was an exercise in holding one´s breath, I have never seen driving like this before, ever. I guess the daily miracle is that I am still alive. This huge bus would pass on the wrong side of the road, on a curve, up a hill at 65 miles per hour inches from a moped next to a cliff. Nascar has absolutely nothing on these guys.

We pass through little towns, and each town seems to have a different ware that they offer to the passing motorists. One town had bags of flour, one had statutues and one town had ladies with little ovens next to the street. The bus stopped, a little lady ran up with warm little rolls. The kids ran to the front of the bus to buy them. I did not -- wasn´t hungry, but the bus was filled with a delicious warm corn smell.

Also buses rarely stop here, they just sort of slow down when someone yells for it, and then people jump off when they need to. Getting on the bus is similar.

I pulled into Manta, and thank god, Manuel from the school was waiting for me, as I was feeling a little freaked out.

He delivered me to my family for the week. It is a home with a divorced mom, Gloria, and two teenaged boys. Her name is Gloria and she makes a living managing her rental properties. Her home is a small compound on its own with, ha ha, a swimming pool! She does not speak English which is good for my learning spanish, but bad for my knowing what is going on.

I am also sharing space with a young kindergarten teacher from California named Stephanie. She is travelling Ecuador, studying in different Spanish schools around the country. She has just extended her trip, and is learning rapidly. I am happy to have her here.

My room is spacious, but sparse, and there is an ungodly amount of noise that comes in from the busy road outside. Gloria loved the soccer gear that I brought from the Richmond Kickers and wore a shirt the next day. Oddly enough the boys never leave the televisions in their rooms, I mean never. Mom brings them a plate of food at night in their rooms, and we occasionally see them drift by. It is very strange. There is no apparent interaction at all, and no responsibilities around the house.

Gloria took us out for cheese empanadas for dinner. Let me tell you, cheese is big here. Lotsa lotsa queso.

I went to bed, but regrettably could not close the window for the heat (there is an AC, but I could not get it to work and have no idea where Gloria went). The noise was incredible. After a couple hours, I put in my earplugs and eyemask and got a few hours sleep. A pretty auspicious way to begin my time in Manta.

Manta is a large, dirty seaport city. People here seem surprised that tourists choose to come here. But for the kiteboarding, I wouldn´t want to be here. Not a pretty or nice town. All the advice is to be careful, be careful. There are armed guards everywhere wearing bulletproof vests and all the stores operate through steel bars. (The guards are apparently normal throughout cities in Ecuador).

Coffee is the drink of choice at every meal. You are given a cup of hot water or hot milk and a jar of instant coffee. You mix your own. All things considered it is not bad. Most meals here are a piece of fish or meat and rice, and a fried plantain. This is livable eating, but I am already looking forward to a change.

Monday, June 22:

I am deposited at the school, which is small, but nice, with computors, and coffee and good water. I have a little room, and a private teacher named, Carina. She starts reviewing things to see where I am. I think that I pleasantly surprised her with some things and then just blew it with others. Ah well, learning. If I were staying for 2 weeks, I think that I would learn an incredible amount. But, well, two weeks would be more than I would want in Manta.

We walked to a bank through town -- a very hilly walk, but pleasant.

At noon, Roberto from the kiteboarding school picked me up with all the young dudes and we travelled to Playa Montanita to board. Roberto is a very patient teacher and by mid afternoon I was kiting myself up and down the beach, in the water, though without a board. Tomorrow, I hope to report that I am up on the board and catching up to the young dudes!

The beach is gorgeous and empty of people. There is a little restaraunt here, where the food is good, but standard, and the beer are almost cold.

I got a good jellyfish sting, and feel like a trooper.

Roberto dropped me off at my house and had dinner with Gloria and Stephanie. Then some of Gloria´s family arrived. I cannot keep up with the conversation, just constant girl chatter, but it would be impolite to excuse myself, so I sit there, smiling madly.

Ultimately, my day overtakes me and I make some kind of excuse and go to bed. I figured out the AC unit, closed the window and slept for 9 straight hours. Woke up feeling good.

TUESDAY, June 23:

Had a big kiwi like fruit for breakfast (with a cheese sandwich, cereal, yogurt, and a banana --OMG) was delicious. Arrived at the school to find that my teacher is sick. So I have had the chance to update this blog. I did not bring a camera cord, so no pictures, but perhaps tonight.

Miss you all....more updates, soon. Love, e.

These are the days of miracles and wonder. This is a long distance call......

2009-06-19T18:53:00.001-04:00

Hi all.

I am sitting in a cyber cafe in Puerta Ayora, the biggest town in the Galapagos. About 20k people, including illegals. All geared to tourism. 97 percent of the Galapagos is protected National Park land, so most everybody else lives here.

Since I last blogged, I have been amazed again and again. First though, I have had some moments of concern. When I boarded the plane to the Galapagos, I noticed that I was having a difficult time reading on the plane. Words seemed fuzzy. I chalked it up to fatigue and did not think much of it. Over the next two days, the problem became worse and worse, until I could not read a page of text in a paperback. This was no fatigue, and I was starting to freak a little. I borrowed someone´s reading glasses, and viola -- my paperback was in HD. I was somewhat relieved but found it hard to believe that I had gone from excellant vision to lousy vision in two days. Finally, last night, I read the insert with the seasickness patch that I have been wearing. Apparently blurry vision is a side effect. The pamphlet said not to worry, but I took it off immediately. After a day, I can read again. Nausea be damned. Beware that patch.

Travel on the open seas can be trying, most of us are fighting queasiness whenever we move, which is every day. The Captain gave us a break yesterday and sailed in the afternoon so we could get some sleep. I find it easier to sleep on the deck than on my bed, so that is usually where I am found at night.

Back to the miracles. After I last wrote you, we headed to Floreana Island. Very choppy water. Woke up early again for a hike on Floreana, and saw a turtle nesting ground, but no turtles. There were more flamingos and rays as well as the ubiquitous sea lions, blue footed boobys, marine iguanas, and lava lizards. Sea lions are like the squirrels of the Galapagos. They are everywhere. They will walk or swim right up to you and check you out, then flip upside down and check you out again. We hear them first thing in the morning and late at night. Often a pup is mewling looking for its mother. So cute it is incredible. It is difficult to resist the temptation to pet them, but animal-touching is a no-no here.

In the afternoon, we went to a place called post office bay. Floreana was an island where whalers stopped, a few people lived there (87 folks do now). There was a big whisky barrel where sailors would leave mail and if another sailor was headed in that direction, he would pick up the letter and deliver it personally. That tradition continues today. I have picked up three letters to deliver, two in Norfolk and one at the St. Louis zoo. I wrote one, we will see how long it takes to get delivered.

After that we went underground in a lava tube. A little tiny bit like caving. Mom is being a heck of a trooper.

June 18, Thurday-

Woke up at Isabela Island. Snorkeled on a beautiful beach and saw a Sea Ray the size of my picnic table. Unbelievable. I thought that it was a boulder, until I saw the tail. One would think this would be the miracle of the day, but no...keep reading.

These snorkels compare with any I have done in the Carribean. I am swimming with THOUSANDS of fish. I have seen pufferfish, angelfish, trumpetfish, sharks, turtles, rays, penguins and every other kind of fish you can imagine. We usually snorkel 2x a day. When reading about the Galapagos, it seemed that snorkeling was just okay. Not so. It is terrific.

In the afternoon, we hiked a very rocky hike to Puerta Suarez -- a high rocky cliff that is a habitat for many birds -- albatross, blue footed boobys, Nazca boobys, Hawks, etc. We say many of them with eggs. There is also a blow hole, where water streams to the sky every few second and apparenty sends the lava lizards flying. We aren´t close enough to confirm that.

On the way to our next destination, most folks were trying to nap, I was on top with the Capitan and Robert and viola....a Manta Ray. This is a rarity for anyone to see. Imagine the batmobile a touch smaller, like a volkswagon, swim up next to you and wave. That is what a Manta ray is like. The capital cut the engine in deference. I, of course, did not have my camera in my hand.

Damn shame. I will never forget it. An alien would not have stunned me more.

June 19, Friday-

Woke up in a beautiful lagoon at the island of Santa Fe, and went for a hike, saw pelicans with chicks in the nest, and a lizard that only lives on Santa Fe. There are cacti here over a hundred years old and 45 feet high.

I will be posting picture when I have enough time in an internet cafe to do it. The computers here are very slow and flickr does not just want to accept all the pix off my camera. If any of you know an easier way to upload photos (with all the pixels intact), please comment to me the suggestion. I am so paranoid about dropping the camera in the water......

Also, just now my phone has started to tell me that I have no sim card. I do not know if that is going to make communication harder, but I will try to get it straight.

This afternoon in Puerta Ayora, we went to the Charles Darwin National Park Research Facility. We saw famous turtles. One is named SuperDiego, and he is single handedly responsible for repopulating an island of his species of turtle almost extinct. Watching the turtles up close causes everyone to whisper in reverence.

Totally cool.

It is time for me to head to the dingy. Hope to post again in a few days. Thanks for the texts. I do get them when I get signal.